


Birth In Reverse

by ivelkundeath



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Bipolar Disorder, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Slow Burn, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:53:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22890550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelkundeath/pseuds/ivelkundeath
Summary: Weiss could be cruel, mean, and hateful. And yet she could be so viciously loving and kind, endearing, and compassionate. Struggling with pushing her loved ones away through her own sleights and the pain they have caused her, will anyone keep calling after her over time? Will they see that she needs help more than anything, more help than she is able to ask for?
Relationships: Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 87
Kudos: 195





	1. Something In The Way

Water trailed down every curve and contour of her face: her jaw, her chin, her brow, her nose. The droplets fell silently into the basin of the sink. She stared into that porcelain void, for how long she did not know, but the commode had long stopped running. Eyes clenched shut, kept closed, and she caught herself between intermittent sighs. She tried to slow, if not still the erratic surplus of firing synapses she was sure would be thoughts if they would just coagulate. Something began its descent from her nose, something warm, to her upper lip and off its widow's peak and into the sink. She parted her mouth, tasting the offender. Water? No, metal. Her eyes peeled open and stared blankly at the red now dotting the sink. Suddenly angry and the sink wrenched on, she brought handfuls of water to her face again and again.

"Stiff upper lip, _Weiss!_ "

The anguishing yell that birthed from her throat brought her more anger. She brought another handful of water to her face and almost attempted to breathe it in before it fell back into the sink. She looked back down, the drain washing away streams of rushing pink. She turned the sink off and straightened her back to look in the mirror. He nose was bleeding slowly now, but still invaded her mouth with that _awful_ rusted taste. Her fair bangs stuck to her forehead, lightly slicked with water. On a whim, she smeared them aside to the right and revealed a raised pink scar over a slightly clouded eye.

_'I hate you.'_

"Hate me too, brother."

The mirror was broken before she'd even known that she was going to break it. Her home would be mirrorless before the day broke. She turned and left the bathroom, no need to turn off the light at present. She never turned it on to begin with and instead left the room bereft of light save for what trailed in from the kitchen as she occupied it. She wiped her nose. Blood still, unsurprisingly. She hadn't eaten in three days; she hadn't slept in three days. Such disarray. When the hallway broke to the living room, her foot foolishly towered over and descended onto a large shard of glass. The pain rendered her unable to stand and to the floor she fell.

" _Fuck!"_

That was all she could scream as she hit the ground, the palms of her hands pierced by smaller pieces of the shattered mirror that used to adorn her wall when she attempted to catch herself. Foolish. She scooted herself from the field of glass on the hardwood floor, her phone buzzing desperately in the thick of it all during her mostly silent warfare. She stared at the useless device, its screen now broken from when it collided with the mirror. She knew who the incessant calls were coming from.

_'You say and do mean, hateful things to the people who care about you Weiss! There will be a point when we stop calling after you!'_

"And yet you're still calling me despite myself." Weiss looked around the room, then down at herself, and then back around the room as if she were seeing it for the first time. "What a fucking horror show.." And it was. Broken glass from the mirror and a drinking glass was strewn everywhere and the apartment stunk of cigarettes, marijuana, and whiskey. Two of those were normal, well not for inside and blanketing the house, but she'd never smoked a cigarette before today in her life. There were also several droplets of blood from her nose in the hall that she nearly looked over as she took in the sight, and large splotches of blood near and around the mouth of the hall from her foot. And suddenly, realizing that her phone had been silent for too long, she knew that if Winter couldn't and had stopped trying to get in contact with her, that she was well on her way to her. Instead of making to clean up the glass, clean up the blood, and air out the house, she made for the first aid kit in the kitchen, leaving bloody footprints in her wake. She sat at a barstool beside the island and, with a short pained scream, pulled the large glass shard from her foot. She wrapped it clumsily, arguably uncaringly, and shoved both feet into shoes before washing the now dry blood from her face, nosebleed recently staunched. She forgot about her hands.

Grabbing her satchel and her keys, she finished the remaining hard liquor in her glass before leaving the unsettling scene behind her as she went through the front door. The night was dark, the stars and the moon obscured by clouds threatening to dump a torrential wrath on everything below them. She didn't know where she was going, but her feet took her there anyway. She didn't drive, hadn't for three years or so since she drove her car into a guard rail in high school, but that didn't much matter now. She was steadily going blind in her left eye and knew that even if she ever wanted to drive again, her now failing sight in one eye would present itself as a roadblock to that.

Where was she going? Her subconscious kept count of the fenceposts on her route. Thirty-four, thirty-five.. she was headed to the convenience store. Where would she go after that? Home? No, it looked like a crime scene. She could make it one. No, Winter still lived there. Where was she going? Fifteen, sixteen fenceposts on a the final block before the convenience store. The sign beamed in the not so far off distance. Where should she go?

_Where could I go?_

Her mind raged and her right foot squelched now with every other step she took. Twenty-one, Twenty-two..

"Ah." She was here. And after, she would go to the bridge.

She put the weight of her body into the door of the convenience store and followed it open.

"Welcome in!" She was greeted by a cheery voice that lofted from somewhere she couldn't place. The lights were too bright and her head was too full. Heavily, she walked to the counter and leaned onto to it putting her head on her arms. Heavy, just heavy.

"Hey! Sorry, what can I help you with?" She was startled by the sudden appearance of the attendant from below the counter and jumped because of it, looking up to meet the eyes of whoever was standing above her. She saw a girl about her height, maybe about her age, with short black hair looking at her questionably. "See.. you kind of smell like a brewery so I can't sell you alcohol."

"That's fine," she snapped at the attendant. "Give me a pack of cigarettes and a book of matches."

"We don't carry matches."

" _Fine._ Then a lighter." She saw the attendant eyeing her suspiciously through her bangs. She wondered why before a barrage of thoughts and memories reminded her that she probably looked absolutely ghastly. She looked down at her blood speckled hands and clenched them in abject affirmation.

"Can I see your I.D. please?" The attendant's tone was polite, yet demanding.

"Fine," she bit for a third time. She _hated_ that word. Fishing it from her bag, she threw it on the counter.

"Play nice." A light warning.

"Listen," she pulled her eyes to the attendant's nametag, "Ruby. May I please purchase my cigarettes and lighter and _leave_?" She saw the attendant scan her I.D., glance curiously back to her, and then look back at her I.D.

"I suppose. You're twenty. Old enough to smoke, but not old enough to have been drinking. Can I call somebody for you?"

"Butt _right_ out, _please_." Her anger was mounting again. Her head was over-capacity and she yearned for nothing but to be done with being outside.

"Fine—" The attendant started with a shrug before she was cut right off.

"I _hate_ that word. _Don't_ use it with me," she snapped, again leaning onto the counter. She clenched her eyes closed and began silently mouthing something to herself.

"Look. Ma'am." Weiss snapped her head up, a dangerous scowl on her face as she locked eyes with the attendant who just leveled half a smile, half a smirk at her, eyes full of conviction.

"Don't go so far. Do I look like a _ma'am_ to you?"

"No, but you look like if I had anyone else in my line, I'd have denied you service for your garbage attitude." She saw that the attendant's eyes were grey, no, cobalt? A mixture of the grey-blue found in gunmetal. She was at a loss for a color name. And they were sharp. "But I'm being _lenient_. And you seem like you need kindness more than anything right now. Has it been a night?"

"Oh it's _been_ a night. An unfortunate and consecutive string of them rather, and followed by _mornings_ too." She laughed sardonically and straightened, pushing her bangs back as she paced in small, lost circles in front of the counter. She was being difficult, a brat. She knew it and she couldn't control it. She felt such disarray. She couldn't explain the anger that pervaded most of her day today, _many_ days, and she couldn't explain the anguish that muddied the moments she wasn't stricken with fury. A heavy woe boiled in her abruptly. Her mismatched vision blurred with tears. What the fuck was she doing? What the fuck had she _done_?

_Weiss, I haven't heard from you in almost a week and Whitley said he hasn't seen you in nearly two. Call me and tell me that you are alright, please._

_I haven't slept, haven't been sleeping. I just, I can't wake up anymore. I don't want to._

"What kind of cigarettes would you like?"

She stopped walking her small, slightly ataxic circles and brought a hand to her bangs to ruffle them over her eye, slowly realizing that she had been addressed. She stood this way for a few seconds before she reached her hand into her satchel and pulled out an empty, crumpled, and lightly bloodied pack of cigarettes and stared at it for moments more. "Camel No. 9, please.. ."

She saw the attendant Ruby fetch her request out of her periphery and return to the counter, thinking she should do the same. Wordlessly she paid for her items and began to walk out, but she stopped just before exiting as she pressed all of her weight against the door. "Thank you.." was what she breathed before she left. She walked a short ways from the door and sat right out front of the convenience store. She struggled as she tried to open her own first ever pack of cigarettes, her hands terribly unsteady.

"Hey!" Her head snapped to the call from the bursting door. The attendant. "I'll smoke with you. Sign says I'll be back in fifteen." She turned back to her task after that, making nothing of it. "Need some help?"

" _No!_ Why are my hands goddamned shaking?!" She tore at the pack in anger, finally releasing what she was sure would become a new habit. She freed a singular cigarette and placed it between her lips.

"Here." The attendant swooped down with an open flame at the ready, sitting beside her to steady it.

"Thank you.." She inhaled sweet, toxic suffocation and butane. Hold, and release. Her head was light already. "And I'm sorry. I'm usually better than this.." She cut off her speech as her eyes welled with tears before they could bleed into her voice.

"Are you living on the street?"

Weiss shook her head before barely saying "I'm a student."

"That makes more sense. You seem too pretty to be a street kid. Are you in trouble?"

"No, I'm not." She wasn't sure she even believed those words, but no, no one was coming after her if that is what the attendant implied.

"Your foot is bleeding.. and your hands." She could hear the uncertainty in her voice mingled with concern. "If you're a student, then I'm sure there's someone I could call for you if you need me to?"

"I don't! I just need to, to go somewhere." She brought her head down on top of one of her wrists briefly before a burning sensation started on her forearm. " _Fuck!_ "

"Be careful!" She felt the attendant gently pull her cigarette arm away from her other. Where should she go? "Where are you going?"

"I," her stomach was sinking, bottoming out really. "I need to," her eyes welled with tears. "I need to call my sister," they gushed freely from her eyes and yet, she didn't sob.

"Okay. Here's my phone. Tell me the number and I can put it in for you." Right. Her hands probably weren't still enough for such a suddenly dexterous task.

"It's," she imparted Winter's number to the attendant and received the phone as her sister's line rang on the speaker.

"Hello? Who is this?" Winter's voice sounded panicked.

"Winter, I'm—"

" _Weiss?_ Where _are_ you? I was about to call the police.. The house, are you _alright?"_

"The house.. I, did that. I'm sorry.. ." She felt such shame in the sudden clarity hearing her sister's voice brought her and, relief? Safety perhaps. "I'm fine. I'm.. fine," she sighed.

"You are _not_ fine." Her sister roared that. "There is broken glass and cigarettes, and blood everywhere. You don't send someone a text message _like_ that, and then don't pick up!" Winter was furious, almost hysterical, and _scared._ "You stopped communicating with Whitley, with me. Weiss, where _are_ you?!"

"I'm at the convenience store down the street.."

"I'm on my way, don't leave. Whose phone is this?"

"It's mine," the attendant cut in. "I'm the attendant at the store. She's in good hands and will be here when you arrive."

" _Thank_ you."

End call. The moments following it were immediately dead silent. She could hear no cars, no sounds from the city, nothing. Winter would be peeling up in less than five minutes. Her eyes were unable to lock onto anything, so she stared at everything as her mind registered nothing but visual ambiguity. The world was nothing; the world was _fine_. "She's angry.."

"She sounds more scared and concerned than angry.." She turned her head to the attendant, this 'Ruby', who has been more patient with her than she imagined a stranger _could_ be given the private fit she was having and inflicting on the world.

"I bet I've made for a wretched night."

"Hardly. I've had worse, actually wretched things happen. You just seem like you needed patience. Understanding even. Maybe a friend? Well as much a friend as a neighborhood stranger could be." This 'Ruby' barely got a beat of her chuckle out before a car peeled into the lot.

"Weiss!" Winter jumped out and approached her. She raised her assuredly haggard visage to meet her elder sister's pale, worried countenance. She doesn't know why she expected a lecture upon her sister's arrival, but she did. Though instead of that, she was met with a fierce and protective embrace. Winter held onto her as though if she didn't hold her tight enough, she would dissipate into the night. She collapsed into that embrace and sobbed. "It's okay. _You're_ okay." Winter's voice shook.

"I'm sorry!" She made her muffled voice heard through her sobs, through the dampening from her sister's bosom.

"It's okay." She felt her face being pulled back and up to look into her sister's eyes. She looked so concerned, as though she was hurting for her. "Let's go home and get you taken care of, okay?"

"Okay." Her reply was a childlike sob. She knew where she was going and she wanted to be there now more than anything. Winter helped her to her feet, shouldering most of the burden because she at present found it hard to stand on her own, and led her to the car.

"Thank you very much," her sister called back to the convenience store attendant after she was deposited into the passenger seat with the door closed behind her. She could hear the muffled reply, but it was faint through her waning consciousness. She let her eyelids fall as she barely registered her sister climbing into the driver's seat. Exhaustion surmounted and her head swam sickeningly, bursting with those synapses she was sure would be thoughts if they ever coagulated.


	2. Knights in White Satin

The ride home seemed as though it had been going on for hours, but when she opened her eyes, the scene was a familiar blur. Her head swam with the finesse of a drowning person. Why did she drink so much? She let her eyelids fall in a futile attempt to bring buoyancy to her head, to stop the wretched world from spinning. And she remembered why she drank so much. Regardless of how many drinks it took, she wanted her mind arrested and put to sleep.

"Weiss, we are home." She didn't know when the car had stopped or when Winter had appeared at her side. She felt hands on her, one on her cheek and the other gently combing through her bangs. For a brief moment that one hand paused on her forehead as though checking for a fever before it resumed its comb. "Let's go inside Weiss. Okay?" Winter's voice was as gentle as her touch.

_Mum is dead Winter, stop trying to take her place!_

"Okay." Her reply came softly before she heaved the lids of her eyes open. Everything was still a familiar blur. Winter appeared as dual apparitions before her, almost incorporeal. She felt one of them snake an arm around her and start to pull her carefully up. Standing now, she was being led slowly up the walk and through the gate to the patio. Dizzy. She closed her eyes as sick writhed in and terrorized her stomach.

"I'm going to be sick." She anticipated the volume, or lack thereof, but what she didn't anticipate was the burn. Pulling away from her sister and collapsing in front of a vacant garden pot, she retched into it a guttural fury. Given this burning and knowing her rate of consumption for the past several days, she was sure that whatever it was she just regurgitated was at least ninety proof.

"Breathe," she heard Winter say as small circles started being rubbed into her back. She thought she was done, but another eruption forced itself up her throat. The taste was sour, or bitter. Probably bile. "Breathe," she heard her sister say again, steadying her as she resurfaced from the garden pot. Was she not breathing? Surely she'd be a faded, stillborn blue by now if she hadn't been.

It was between her jagged breaths that she could hear a car quickly parking, then footsteps seemingly heading towards their gate. And then it was snatched open. Her eyes honed in on the gate as best they could. She stared through layer of haphazard layer of fatigue at the new arrival. Whitley.

"Weiss." His face bore something resembling anger that she couldn't quite place as he looked from her to Winter, and then back to her. "God Winter, your fucking voicemail. What happened?" He said that as he took the least number of strides necessary to reach her. She didn't know what she expected of him when he reached her, but when he did,, he crouched next to her and pulled her into his torso before settling his chin atop her head. His hold was similar to Winter's, yet different. The way his broad frame and his long arms enveloped her and how his head hooded her was as though even if she were to dissipate, every particle of her would remain right there. Contained. Floating. Fragmented.

"Help me get her inside Whitley."

"Okay. Weiss, can you stand?"

"Not exceptionally well, no." Her exhaustion was burying her. More so, none of her faculties seemed to be terribly intact.

"It's okay, I've _got_ you." A word grunted and she felt her brother's arms weave under her knees and behind her back to pick her up in one swift motion. It reminded her that she and her fraternal sibling were no longer children anymore. They were still the same age, though Weiss was the eldest by a mere two minutes, but Whitley was much taller than her now. His shoulders were broad and his muscles stronger by nature. He was a young man now.

"The couch," she heard Winter direct after two clicks from the locks. She felt the wind of travel and descent before she felt the couch materialize under her, cushions soft, back firm. She reclined and brought her hands to her head. Her mind was almost a blank canvas now. Almost. It was more akin to being a piece of paper written on with a pencil _many_ times, then erased over and over and _over_ again. Surely holes would be appearing now if they hadn't already. She feared any stimuli that could spark to life another train yard of formless thoughts, displaced anger, and all consuming anguish.

"Winter, what _happened?_ " Whitley was taking in her smoldering personal battlefield. She felt her right foot being lifted and the shoe being removed. "Jesus.. did she walk on that?" She imagined her foot looking fairly grotesque. "Winter, what the hell _happened_?"

"I don't know!" Winter snapped, her poise's structural integrity suffering. Did she do that to her sister? She could feel the almost non-existent shake in Winter's hands as she undid the careless wrap from around her foot.

"I am _right_ here if anyone wants to ask me themselves." Anger was rising. "My answer won't be much different though.. _Fuck!_ " She recoiled her foot and jolted forward, suddenly accosted as her wound seared against something soft and wet.

"I need to clean it." Her foot was eased back into the alcohol soaked washcloth. "You shouldn't need stitches so long as you rest it enough for the gash to close."

"You've been drinking." Whitley's investigation had taken him to the nearly empty bottle of whiskey that rested on the island. He picked it up and examined it with furrowed brow as though it would give him a witness statement.

"I've _been_ drinking since high school, but blame this on inebriation if it's easier."

"..What?" Winter paused briefly as she was finishing the wrap on her foot before an automation of sorts compelled her movements onward.

"This isn't news, Winter.." She averted her eyes from the general direction of her sisters gaze.

"Whitley?" Winter turned to her brother, searching for a confirmation or, ideally, a declination. She was met with silence and her face hung aghast. " _Weiss_ , you were raised to be _smarter_ than that." She heard and felt something snap in her brain at her sister's response. A rotting fury consumed her and a gaseous despair filled her.

" _I don't need a lecture!_ " She snatched her foot away and shot up from the couch. What sense did any of this make? Her mind tried to derive the answer from every memory she possessed. Her hands were raking through her hair hard enough to move her scalp with the gesture. "I need someone to ask me why I'm a borderline _fucking_ alcoholic before I'm even old enough to legally _fucking_ drink."

"Weiss calm down—" She was screaming. And Whitley tried, he did, but anything he could have said wouldn't have been what she wanted to hear.

"I will _not_ calm down! I'd rather you throw another mirror at me!" Silence. No, something less than that. Or more than that, like a world devoid of the presence _and_ absence of silence.

"You know, you're the _only_ one who throws shit back up in people's faces like you're some fucking paragon of how to treat people! People hurt you because you're _evil_ to them." He freed his keys from his pocket and made towards the door. "That's why you _have_ no one but your family, and you _barely_ have us." The front door opened then slammed and Whitley was gone.

The kitchen floor was hard and cold, and the wall her back rested against was equally as comfortless. She didn't know when she'd moved to sit down, how long she'd be sitting, or how long she'd been silently crying. She fixed her much more sobered gaze to her hands, unsure of when her eyes had opened or if they had closed, and unsure of why her hands felt stiff. Bandages. She vaguely remembers Winter cleaning and wrapping her hands. She was almost sure she said nothing during. The sound of glass being corralled into a dustpan faded into her aural range. She carried her gaze to her sister, crouched down gathering the last of the shattered mirror. She could just barely make out that the area around her sister's eyes was red.

She watched Winter in silence. Her mind was mostly calm now after her loss of time and space. She wasn't angry, and she wasn't grieving. She felt unable to embody anything but placidity. "What am I like?" Winter's attention startled towards her at the sudden breach in the silence.

"Weiss.. I—"

" _How_ am I like?" Her sister seemed to brace herself for something when she asked her again. She lowered her eyes letting her bangs fall into them. She knew that particular brand of flinch.

"..I'm not sure how you mean." Winter's response was cautious.

"I don't.." Something inside of her was begging her to try. Understanding, she remembered. She _needed_ to try while her cognition was untroubled. "I don't have a point of reference. And there's no anchor." She shook her head to loosen the thought forms now flowing like porridge. "I," a vain attempt, "can't explain what it's like.."

"What it's like?" Winter repeated her in inquiry as she came and took a knee in front of her.

"This." She gestured at the space including and surrounding them. "I've always been this burdening, haven't I?"

"Weiss." Winter grabbed her stiff hands and stared into her. "My burden comes from shouldering your burden when it becomes too heavy. When your world is a bit too much, and I carry it because I love you and will be your strength if and when you need it."

"It's always too much." She sobbed a harrowing sob. The hyper activity in her brain was recently faded and along with it went everything else she had. She was left hollow to be invaded in agony by way of some principle for the distribution of grief. She felt Winter's embrace again, that binding embrace that held her put and gave her continuity. She cried lost tears and found tears. She was held fast all the while by her sister, her dear sister, as she mourned another vague loss over a simple promise, sound and earnest:

"I'll find you help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please look forward to more, Ivel.


	3. 黒毛のルビー

The pang of ages. Desperate attempts to slip back into unconsciousness proved utterly futile with the headache that drummed in her head. By now she knew the useless vow to never drink again was a swear she wouldn't keep. A reason to drink always made itself manifest, somehow or the other. She lifted the lids of her eyes slowly, barely, and was met by the sight of her morning lit room. Something was out of place. The chair from her desk was pulled by her bedside. Winter. Had she stayed by her most of, if not the entire night?

_I'll find you help._

She sat up slowly despite her head pounding out protests the more perpendicular she got to the bed. She was having control over this day. She was. She _needed_ to have control over this day. And that started with a shower and an aspirin. Upon entering her and Winter's shared bathroom, she was painfully reminded of the events of yesterday in the absence of her reflection over the sink. She lowered her eyes, saddened by the remembrance. She was going to fix this, as best she could, somehow. She had always tried; she would always try. She turned the shower on, undressed, and stepped into the cold spray. There was the initial shiver as it washed over her, but her body's quakes slowed and then ceased as the water warmed.

"Understanding, huh?" She thought back the convenience store clerk's seemingly innocuous statement that had prompted her to open a door to Winter last night. A door she didn't even know was there, nor did she even know she had the key to it. Now that she thought on it, the clerk, this 'Ruby' exhibited the same patience that Winter had shown her countless times over the years. And in her patience, she had unwittingly given Weiss something. This something was, perhaps, a skeleton key that granted her access to that door. Were there other doors she would be able to open with it? Was she brave enough to try?

Done with her shower, she dried and dressed fairly casually despite no immediate intent to leave the house. She made to look at herself in the mirror again only to be met with that same painful remembrance. It was odd. She felt the need to falsify her existence now. Strange what the sudden absence of a mirror could do. She exited the bathroom, a bit anxious now, and headed towards the sounds and smells that tickled her senses from the kitchen. Stopping at the mouth of the hall, she held her breath at the sight of Winter in the kitchen.

"Weiss?" She loosed her held breath in relief. "Are you alright?"

"I.. am. There's a circus is my head. A headache, though the circus comment is relevant on two fronts.." She was sitting at the island now facing her sister, content in knowing she did, in fact, still exist despite how odd a thing it was to suddenly need proven.

"Here," a plate came to rest in front of her, "and here," came a singular white pill and a glass of water. "Please eat as much as you can." Winter paused. No, she hesitated for a second before she continued. "You haven't been eating much, have you?"

"No," came her confession before she dropped her eyes to the plate in front of her. "I haven't had much of an appetite the past few days.." Winter knew she only got nosebleeds whenever she hadn't eaten much or anything for at least two days or so.

"That's alright. I can pick up some things for you to eat throughout the day that are light for whenever your appetite isn't the strongest. Something to help keep you nourished and energized."

"Thank you." She was truly grateful, looking up to meet her sister's piercing blue eyes, so identical to hers, and offering a small smile of her own in response to the one she was met with. The exchange brought a bit of her appetite back to her, stomach now open to sustenance. Winter joined her shortly after with a plate of her own. The more bites she took, the more she was made aware of how painfully vacant her stomach was. She would have no problem finishing the entire meal.

"Don't forget you have a doctor's appointment this Thursday."

"I remember."

"I'll be on base so I won't be able to take you. You'll either have to arrange the commute or have Whitley take you."

"I'll make arrangements," she almost snapped. She would rather not see Whitley for another two weeks and she was sure he wouldn't mind that either.

"Weiss—"

"Winter.. please. I'll make the arrangements."

"Alright," her sister relented after a sigh.

Once they were both done, Winter cleared the plates and carried them away. Newly filled, Weiss began to have an unfamiliar craving. Leaving the island behind, she went and searched her satchel on the couch for the most likely culprit of this new craving. "Winter?" They were missing.

"I threw them away." She turned only to be met with Winter's back as she washed the dishes. A bit aggravated, she walked purposefully to the trash bin.

"..And put them through the wash it seems." She closed the lid on the useless things and returned the couch to snatch up her satchel. She looked down at herself. Jeans and a Libertines shirt. Appropriate enough outerwear in a college town for a trek to the convenience store. Just add cardigan. "I'll be back shortly."

"Weiss." She turned to meet her sister's front this time. Her face bore an immovable expression. "Any and every cigarette I find in this house will go directly into the bin."

"Then you won't find them," she concluded before sitting to put on her tennis shoes.

" _Weiss_ , this will not continue to happen." She looked up at her sister, drawn there by the sudden seriousness in her tone. "Smoking, and drinking? Marijuana? Weiss you are jeopardizing your health and your _scholarship_."

"Lord knows my tuition could be afforded ten fold if I lose my scholarship."

"That is _beside_ the point. For one, you will _not_ smoke marijuana in or around this house while you live under this roof. You will not jeopardize _my_ career like that."

" _Fine._ " She was on her feet now, irritation growing within her that she adamantly heaved away with a sigh. "I won't do that to you anymore. It's irresponsible of me and unfair to you to put you in that position with my choices."

"Thank you." Winter was hesitating again, but longer this time around.

"Winter? What is it?"

"Weiss.." Winter seemed to prepare herself for something. " Would you consider talking to a doctor if I made you an appointment?"

"A doctor?" What did she mean? Another doctor to reassess her failing sight? Curious. "What sort of doctor?"

"A mental health professional."

"A shrink?" Winter thought she needed to see some sort of psychiatric physician?

"A mental health professional," Winter stated again. "I think you would benefit from talking to someone about your moods.. about yesterday." Yesterday. She heard the words, but what was it that Winter was trying to say? "She used to have.. episodes sometimes, mother—"

" _Stop!"_ She didn't intend to yell, but everything Winter was saying suddenly all became far too much.

_Willow? God.. No, Klein call an ambulance! Willow!?_

"This is too much." She willed the memory of her father's panic wrought voice from her head and made for the door. "This is too much, I can't."

"Weiss!" Her sister's voice halted her. She knew that particular tone, calling after her as though she wouldn't be coming back, because there were times when she hadn't. Understanding. She turned to her sister, locking eyes with her intensely in hopes of conveying how absolutely honest her next words were.

"I'll be back shortly. I'm just heading to the convenience store." She was. "Can we.. can we talk about this later, please? It's a lot right now. I don't know how I feel."

"We can." Winter still seemed a bit reluctant to let her go. "We can. Just, call me if you have a change in plans? I won't be heading back to base until tomorrow, so I'll be here."

"I will. I promise." And with that, she left through the door towards her destination. Her walk was brisk as though she could somehow distance herself from her thoughts if she distanced herself from the house. Futility. Sharing memories of their mother with her siblings was hard enough when there was a fond, positive overtone, but this was too much. Their mother, _her mother_ , and her episodes? She only remembered one episode, and that was of her mother dangling blue and limp in the bathroom. That made her wonder why Winter brought it up, made her wonder about a certain car crash.

She found herself at the convenience store sooner than she anticipated. She took a brief moment to steady her thoughts, forcing the unpleasant ones out of mind. She nearly succeeded, or succeeded enough rather. As calm as she was going to get, she entered the convenience store.

"Welcome in!" That same voice lofted from seemingly nowhere in particular again. She walked to the counter to find the same attendant from last night sitting in a chair behind the counter. She noticed her dress wasn't what one would expect of a uniform. Though she couldn't really remember what she was wearing last night, she was sure it wasn't this casual. "Oh, hey!"

"Hello again, um, Ruby isn't it?"

"It is!" She jumped up from her chair to fetch something from beneath the counter. When she straightened, her eyes locked on to her shirt, the skull and crossbones a familiar sight over the letters 'T M G E'. "You left this here last night."

"Where did you get that shirt?" She was completely unconcerned with what the attendant was holding out to her.

"My shirt?"

"Yes, your shirt."

"Oh, I got it from.. wait. You know Thee Michelle Gun Elephant?" This 'Ruby' seemed to latch completely onto the _real_ matter at hand.

"Yes, I absolutely do."

"Top five songs, go." Challenge accepted.

"Can't really rank them. Their discography is too good. But, I recognize the test before me so I will offer: Brian Down, Hi! China, Akage no Kelly, Sharon by Rosso, and Lemon by The Birthday." Smirking, she knew she passed.

"しんじられん.."

"I'm sorry?" She blinked, completely taken aback by the unexpected despite the amount of bands she listened to from Japan.

"I can't believe it! You passed! Nice Libs shirt by the way."

"Thanks.."

"Oh yeah! Here." She was able to give her attention to what this 'Ruby' had held out to her again.

"My I.D.? I didn't know I was even missing it." She opened her wallet to find one slot empty. "I must have left without it last night."

"You did." The attendant gave her a warm, friendly smile. "But before I give this back to you, what can I get you?" She was the perpetually cheerful sort it seemed.

"Camel No. 9, please and thank you."

"Coming right up!" She fetched her request and bounced back to the counter. Perpetually cheerful _and_ with bountiful vitality.

"Thank you."

"No problem! Eight ninety-six is your total." She began the process of tendering a debit purchase. "So, that's my sister pulling up. I was only here until she got back. Would you, uhh, be interested in listening to some TMGE with me?" 'Approved' flashing on the monitor of the card reader, she released her card and threw it into her bag as she met the attendant's, this 'Ruby's' eyes. " I mean you don't have to if you're sketched out or something? But it's rare to come across another person that actually listens to them."

"I agree." And she did. It was quite unexpected that they would share a brief moment of bonding over a band that was arguably obscure to a Western audience. Also, given that she recognized her Libertines shirt, this 'Ruby' with the saintly patience and in possession of skeleton keys might also possess an above average taste in music. "Shall we be little punk kids and deface this fine establishment by smoking in front of it?"

"We shall! But we can't leave any butts on the ground! But also, let's go to the park instead!" Ruby looked around as though to make sure no one else could overhear her next whisper. "My sister doesn't know I smoke and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Fair enough. Shall we?" Ruby nodded her head with excitement and bounded around the corner of the counter before walking through the door with her.

"Bye Yang!" She yelled, eliciting a wave from a girl with blonde hair digging for something in the trunk of her car.

"Are you sure you shouldn't wait for her to go inside?" Weiss remarked looking back at the convenience store. Qrow's. Funny, she'd never bothered to know the name of the establishment she'd frequented many times over the years.

"Nah. It's Sunday, which is a slow day, especially since it's Summer break."

Giving a small 'hm' in reply, they started across the street towards the park once the crosswalk granted them permission. Carelessly, she opened her first ever second pack of cigarettes, jamming the trash into her satchel before removing one and setting the end on fire.

"Hey, you're not a litterbug! That's cool!" She turned to look through an exhale of smoke at the girl walking beside her who was now fidgeting with her own pack of cigarettes. She must have noticed the peculiar glance she was giving her. "Uhh, I mean, I notice a lot of college kids litter around here and it's nice that someone else cares to keep their trash off the ground." Ruby smiled at her and for whatever reason, Weiss thought it a peculiar gesture. They were nearly at the park now.

"How do you know Thee Michelle Gun Elephant?"

"Oh!" Ruby stopped before bringing her newly lit cigarette to her lips. "My Dad got me into them! They're like his most favorite band. He told me that he went to the Yoyogi Riot, uh, not a real riot, but a free live the band put on in Yoyogi Park. I didn't believe him until he pulled up a video on Youtube and showed me a part where the camera panned the crowd and he was front and center!"

"I imported that DVD from Rakuten a couple years back. It was a really good concert. I can only imagine how it was live." Arriving at their destination, they stopped and sat on a bench on the outskirts of the park.

"Saaaaaaaame. He went to quite a few of their lives, even a couple during their farewell tour."

"Did your father live in Japan? It seems like quite the length to go to for a concert if not." Though she was the one to talk given that she had absconded to England a year or two back to see the Libertines live.

"He did! Still does. I used to live there too until I came back to America to finish high school and start college." She studied Ruby's features and.. a particular mannerism she'd address after this next question.

"Is your father Japanese?"

"He is! Well, kind of? He's actually Chinese, but my grandparents moved to Japan before he was born. So that makes me half chinese, but a dual citizen of America and Japan, and I only speak Japanese and English." A rather information rich answer. They descended into a comfortable silence. She watched as Ruby hummed and bobbed her head slightly while keeping time to the vaguely familiar tune with her foot. She was halfway through her own cigarette, but..

"That's an odd way to partake in a cigarette." The observation startled her so that she dropped said cigarette.

"What do you mean?" Ruby questioned after scrambling to pick it up, a somewhat caught look on her face. Bless her.

"You don't inhale."

"No way! I totally do!" Weiss cocked a disbelieving eyebrow at her. "Okay, I don't, but!" The poor girl was at a loss for a rebuttal.

"Why chance the habit if you're not committed to it?" She found this turn of events rather amusing for some reason.

"Well, I got tired of everyone else getting more breaks than me just because they smoked cigarettes!

"Sounds silly." Poor girl seemed wholly embarrassed now. It was funny that peer pressure wasn't what prompted her to pick up a cigarette, but rather some childish string of logic. "Give me that," she said before plucking the half-gone cigarette from Ruby's hand and placing it between her own lips.

"Hey!" Ruby tried to protest, but Weiss simply stared at her as she devoured the rest of the girl's cigarette.

"It doesn't suit you."

"It doesn't suit me?"

"And you don't seem to particularly enjoy it." Ruby only chuckled nervously at that. "I think it's something you could stand to leave behind.

"Yeah.." Ruby sighed. "I guess my logic wasn't the _most_ sound. And when I do accidently inhale, I nearly ralph.." She stood up suddenly and released her pack of cigarettes from her back pocket. Ruby stared at them intently for a brief moment before walking over to a trash can and tossing them into the abyss. "Yeah, not worth it! Plus if Yang found out," she trailed off with a whistle before rejoining Weiss on the park bench.

"As more incentive for that decision you just made, every cigarette takes seven minutes off the time you have left in this world to listen to music." Ruby's eyes went _wide_.

"I never thought of it that way! Now I feel like such an idiot because I love music too much to not want all the time I can get to listen to it! Weiss! You've changed my life! Woah, that rhymed. It was unintentional, but still the truth." Ruby beamed at her.

"I just spoke the truth. Plus, the habit seemed ill placed with you."

"Me? What about you?" Ruby pointed at the now cool cigarette butts Weiss held in her hands. "Why do you smoke, Weiss? It doesn't seem to suit you any better."

"Because I'm self destructive at best," she smiled at the sleight she cast upon herself. Ruby chuckled at that as well.

"Oh, come on! I get the feeling you'd like all the time you can get to listen to music too!"

"You do?" Amusing, but Ruby wasn't wrong.

"I do! Plus you also don't seem like a person who'd board a slow apocalypse." She laughed at that. Strangely perceptive, Weiss had to agree with Ruby on both fronts.

"I guess you're right about both of those. I'd chart a slow apocalypse before I boarded one though."

"But I don't want you to!" Weiss found herself taken slightly aback by Ruby's smiling insistence against whatever nicotine infused end of days she was careening towards. "What if we listened to music and watched TMGE lives instead of tarring our lungs? I mean, uh, only if you want to." Ruby then descended into rambles about why they should listen to music and how it would be cool to 'nerd out' with someone else about Japanese bands and then some.

"Fine."

"Huh?"

"I said fine," she stood up and threw the two butts away before reseating herself on the park bench. "It's not a terrible idea given I've already ascertained that you have a more refined and arguably kindred taste in music that I have yet to find in anyone else. In addition, if I'm absorbing music instead of absorbing carcinogens and company, my own sister might be more at ease."

"Oh yeah! You have a sister too. Older, younger? What's she like?"

"Like a sister." Both chuckled at that. "She's older. In the military, so she's prone to being strict, but she's kind. I love her dearly. She's there for me when I need her and more, really the best friend I could ever have."

"Yup, definitely sounds like a sister," Ruby smiled at her. "But what should we listen to first? I see you like the Libertines too! Have you ever seen them live? I know I'd love to." She pulled a loose tangle of wire from her pocket along with her phone.

"I have."

"No way!"

"Way. I may have.. hopped on a plane to England on a spontaneous whim to see them in concert." Ruby laughed at that.

"That sounds like something my Dad would do."

"I'd love to listen to TMGE though. Perhaps you could be my translator."

"I definitely could! I have their entire discography on here, so pick whatever," she finished as she handed an ear bud to Weiss.

"It's a rather pedestrian suggestion, but could we listen Gear Blues in its entirety?"

"Of course! And its not a 'pedestrian' suggestion. A great album is a great album."

"That it is," she agreed accepting the ear bud from Ruby. The intro to _West Cabaret Drive_ flooded her ear as she pulled out her phone to send a text to Winter.

'I'll be out a little longer than I intended. Listening to music with a friend at the park.'

With the message sent, she sat back on the bench shoulder to shoulder with Ruby so as to not dislodge either of their earbuds. The girl she just deemed her friend to Winter was again marking time with her feet while trying to not bob her head much for the same reason Weiss sat shoulder to shoulder with her. The entire situation brought her ease: the music, the company, the environment as they sat shaded under the boughs of great oak trees.

There was no need to exert control over her day at present when her current circumstances were a far cry from being in disarray. She was.. at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and please look forward to more, Ivel.


	4. Katie Cruel

"It's been fun hanging out today Weiss. Really." Turning her head a bit, she stole a glance through her bangs at the companion she happened upon just a few hours ago. After indulging in two albums ( _Gear Blues_ per Weiss' request and _Up The Bracket_ per Ruby's) and engaging in easy, yet meaningful conversation, they now found themselves walking the paths that wound hither and thither through the park.

"I can't say that I've had a bad time either." She brought her attention back forward though the slight, yet ever-present bounce in Ruby's step was still perceptible in her periphery. A contented smile made its home on her features for the second or third time that afternoon. There was something about Ruby, a not quite so concealed jubilance perhaps that emanated from her. Resonated within her? However it presented itself, it made the girl so effortlessly pleasant to be around.

"I'll take it," Ruby chuckled, letting a moment of comfortable brevity pass before she made to speak again. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Her attention was caught and her smile faltered a bit as she became aware again of the events of yesterday, became aware of her still bandaged hands as she clenched them beside her. "I was a little worried for you, but then your sister came and somehow I knew you'd be a-ok!"

"I wanted to apologize again for how I behaved yesterday, and for how ghoulish I'm sure I looked." She was struggling a bit, the events of twelve hours past still fresh and unforgotten. How the passage of time was oft her dearest friend during times akin to this. Seemingly.

"It's okay, Weiss. You weren't as 'ghoulish' as you think," Ruby chuckled. "Ghoulish is the drunk kid who came in last month and smacked his head on the counter before throwing up everywhere." Ruby shivered at the memory.

"Seriously?"

" _Yes_. Remember? I said I've seen actually wretched things before and yesterday didn't hold a candle to some of what I've seen." Ruby laughed and Weiss just continued to walk in pensive silence, unsure if it was alright for her to be absolved of the vague guilt she felt. And if she could be absolved of the particular iteration of guilt, then what of all the other guilt she felt from the numerous times in her life when she nearly tore the threads of all her relationships asunder? Unlike her father and her brother, Ruby hadn't lashed back at her when she was the utmost incorrigible, hadn't perpetuated the cycle of hurt by _hurting_ her back. She was just.. patient and understanding. Like Winter. "You okay, space cadet?"

"Sorry.."

"No need to apologize," Ruby assured. "I'm super guilty of spacing out. You looked a little sad though."

"I'm just trying to wrap my head around you."

"Around me?" Ruby seemed a little mystified by that.

"Yes, you." She tried to gather her thoughts for a moment as Ruby stared at her inquisitively, but ultimately she was at a loss for the words to truly convey what she wanted. "Just.. thank you. For your kindness."

"Think nothing of it!" Ruby flashed a bright smile at her and she was happy to do just that. Think nothing of her kindness and accept it, accept that she was deserving of it. What odd peace-bringing. Comfortable moments of silence passed as they wound their way back through the park from whence they came.

"Are you a student here as well?"

"I am! I started this past Spring semester."

"What's your major, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind," Ruby affirmed. "I am, as of yet, undecided. I'm aiming to take care of my core classes and explore career options before I commit to anything. Since I'm bilingual, I want to go with something that has opportunities for me in Japan as well as English speaking countries. I can't sit still so something that gives me options to travel or be a digital nomad would be good, but I want it to be something I enjoy, y'know? What about you?"

"I'm a double major in Architecture and Business with a minor in Art."

"Woah. That sounds cool! What year are you?" Ruby seemed genuinely impressed and interested.

"This fall semester will be the start of my third year."

"So you're on track for the four year plan, huh?"

"Five to seven depending on whether or not I pursue my Master's degree." They were approaching the entrance to the park they entered from, the sign for Qrow's a familiar landmark in the distance.

"Neat," came Ruby's short reply before she fell to silence beside her. She seemed to be mulling over something, but whatever it was stayed unspoken as they walked the remaining distance back to the park entrance. They were across the street and back in front of Qrow's before she decided to break the silence herself.

"I should head home now. I had a decent time though." She smirked. "It's been refreshing meeting someone whose taste in music isn't total shite." Ruby chuckled at that.

"Shite? What are you, British?"

"Yes actually," she laughed. "I am also a dual citizen, though my family has lived stateside for over a decade."

"Neat! We're like two peas in a pod, but with an awesome soundtrack. Two peas in a rad iPod?" Ruby offered. They both laughed at that, though her laughter was unintentionally made diminutive by Ruby's own honest and full expression. Such inherent jubilance, she thought. How easy it seemed to have joy. What it must _feel_ like. She considered her self far removed from having a joy like that of her own, but since it came around to her in the form of 'a neighborhood stranger', she couldn't help herself from sharing in it.

"You're a little funny you know." Ruby perked up at the praise. "Just a little though. I'll see you later."

"H-hey Weiss?" Ruby's voice caught her just as she was turning to leave. She looked to see Ruby twiddling her fingers, eyes lowered in uncertainty. "Do you want to exchange numbers? I-I mean, that is if you still want to hang out sometime?" Exchange numbers? Her phone, wait.. her phone? She pulled the device out of her satchel. No, not her phone. It was broken. This phone.. Winter's old phone. Made sense, though she hadn't noticed before now that this electronic organ was mysteriously present again. Of course Winter would take the liberty to make sure she had a line of communication to her at all times.

"Of course. Sorry. I almost left without thinking to ask."

"No worries! At least you'd know where to find me," Ruby smiled. Curious, the peculiar comfort she felt hearing Ruby affirm that. It was almost like an innocent invitation to her effortlessly pleasant company and unbridled joy, or a subtle reminder of 'this is where you find me if you need to find me'. Curious. "This is me calling you," Ruby stated after she imparted her number.

"What should I save this as?"

"New best friend! Just kidding. Ruby Rose! And you?"

"Weiss Schnee."

"Got it! Well Weiss, I'll try not to bug you too much, buuut we have a lot of music to talk about."

"I'm sure. I'll see you later." An excited goodbye in return and she was on her way back to her house. One, two, three fence posts on the first block away from the convenience store. It was early evening now. What she intended as a brief trek to the convenience store evolved into an afternoon of such a pleasant nature that, honestly, she hadn't experienced in a long time. As a rule, she had never been one for companions throughout her life, save for what companionship came through family. In addition to that, she could recall most of her adolescent and young adult years being of an arguably neutral disposition. In truth, perhaps the disposition of those years was more vacant and empty, but such a lot didn't leave her yearning for company. That's not to say she was wholly distant and separate. She could get along with just about anyone, but she wasn't keen on or inclined to keep anyone around or maintain any sort of relationship.

Thirteen, fourteen fence posts on the last block before.. ah, she was here. The walk home passed her by as swiftly as the walk to the convenience store. Both times her mind was preoccupied with an amalgam of thoughts, though the ones that presently preoccupied her were of the less distressing kind. Two turns of the locks and she was greeted by a more pleasant cool than out-of-doors had to offer and the subtle sound of music. Clearing the foyer, she entered the living room to see Winter reading on the couch. "I'm back."

"Hello." Winter's eyes moved back and forth mechanically several times over the pages before she marked her spot and closed her book. "Did you have a pleasant afternoon?"

"I did actually. It was.. odd, yet refreshing."

"Odd indeed. I can't recall the last time I've heard of you making a friend." She smiled at Winter's knowing.

"I make friends almost routinely through various educational obligations," she voiced as she sat to remove her shoes. " _Maintaining_ them, however, is something I've never really elected to do."

"How aloof," Winter laughed. "Well, will you _elect_ to maintain this friend? They seemed to have grabbed your attention well enough."

"Now who am I to spoil a good plot twist?"

"Oh, now I'm curious." She smiled and shook her head as she came to sit next to her sister, moving to lay her head on Winter's lap after she gestured an invitation for her to do so. She closed her eyes and fixed her mouth into a docile smile as Winter ran her fingers through her hair.

"It was the clerk. From last night."

"The clerk?" Winter inquired.

"Yes." She opened her eyes to stare in remembrance at the ceiling fan as she recalled their interactions from the past twenty or so odd hours. "She was wearing a t-shirt from one of those famously obscure Japanese bands I adore. Turns out she has a quality taste in music."

"Interesting."

"Even more interesting is that she seems to be a quality person as well." Winter offered a hum in response as she continued run her fingers through her hair, the music on the speaker fading out on the last song of an all too familiar album. "Nick Drake's _Five Leaves Left_ , yes?"

"Yes," Winter confirmed. "I like to read to it."

"One of Mum's favorite artists."

"Yes," Winter confirmed again.

"Do you remember the song _Katie Cruel_?"

"I do, primarily the Karen Dalton version."

"I used to always ask her to play it or sing it for me," she remembered with a dull, yet manageable pang. "It's really a bit of a somber song, but it's always been soothing to me." Winter offered another gentle hum in response, seemingly content with listening to her talk. The song was suddenly calling to her. She longed to hear it, but decided to satisfy her longing in a different way that would prompt something she also desired.

Drawing a breath, she opened her mouth and sang:

_"When I first came to town they called me the roving jewel._

_Now they've changed their tune, call me Katie Cruel._

_Through the woods I am going, and through the boggy mire._

_Straight way down the road 'til I come to my heart's desire."_

At a point towards the beginning of the second stanza Winter began to gently keep time with her index finger on the top of her head. When she started singing the third stanza, Winter began harmonizing with her:

_"If I was where I would be, then I'd be where I am not._

_Here I am where I must be, where I would be, I can not._

_When I first came to town they brought me drinks a-plenty._

_Now they change their tune and hand me the bottles empty._

Winter dropped her harmony for the last stanza, leaving her to sing the final verse, more a haunting soliloquy that was personally telling in that moment as she made up her mind to initiate the conversation she was more or less afraid of having:

_"If I was where I would be, then I'd be where I am not._

_Here I am where I must be, where I would be, I can not."_

They shared a silence after the final verse was sung and Winter continued to run her fingers through her bangs. Understanding. "Winter," she started, afraid and hesitant, "do you.. you said that Mum used to have episodes. What did you mean?" She watched her sister as she thought on the question she was presented before she looked down to meet her gaze.

"There were times when she was.. erratic. Sometimes it manifested itself as her being uncharacteristically irritable and short with us or with father. Sometimes she wouldn't eat or sleep and play piano late into the night and into the morning. And other times she would be in anguish, tearful and unable to get out of bed. Being older, I was more able to witness these erratic patterns. I know she took medication of some sort, off and on.. but I wasn't privy to what was going on fully."

Winter had finished talking for a minute or two but she was _silent_ , gripped with terror at the vague familiarity she found in Winter's divulgence. She could feel the color drain from face throughout her sister's discourse. What was equally as distressing was that she had no recollection of her mother being an 'erratic' individual. It wasn't that she had any disbelief in Winter's words, no. She had only been eight when their mother died, her memories most likely clouded in a youthful, blissful haze, but Winter was eighteen when she passed. She most assuredly remembered more about such things. Had she also been seeing this in her over the years, this erraticism? Oh how this was far too much. Her eyes began to moisten with inevitable tears. "Am I like her?" She choked back a sob. She broke Winter's gaze once concerned eyes shot to hers. "Have you been seeing this all this time?" Bringing her hands up, she covered her face and wept silently into them. What did Winter see when she looked at her?

"I've been seeing you Weiss." Winter spoke softly before she leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead. There was noticeable emotion in Winter's voice now. "And I've seen things in you that remind me of mother that frighten me because.. because I don't want to lose you to." She choked out a pained sob. All of this was growing to be _unbearably_ heavy. Winter was afraid she'd lose her like they lost their mother. How many times had her behavior conjured such a fear in her sister? The most glaring occasion lurched to the forefront of her mind. It was the night her and her father's relationship was damaged beyond repair in that all too familiar hurtful perpetuation.

She had been up for days by that point, the anniversary of Willow Shnee's death. He father had been drinking in his study, and she had been playing the piano well into the night in an attempt to bring her solace and enough fatigue to hopefully bring her sleep. Her father came to her and commanded her to stop playing and go to bed. But she was doing it to remember her mother, to feel a bit of what was taken from her in such a great loss. She remembered her father yelling and then fury erupting inside her.

" _You let her die! YOU let her die!"_

The next thing she new she was attacking him in a rage, trying to tear him into the pieces that she was in with her meager strength in comparison to his. But he would only let her draw so much blood. Drunk and lacking in better judgement, he pushed her forcefully away and into the piano. Just forceful enough to knock the wind from her and leave a large, dark bruise on her left side. She ran from the house immediately after that and, wrought with guilt, anguish, anger and a mess of other thoughts a emotions, drove her car quite deliberately into a guard rail a couple hours later. The bruise was attributed to the wreck and no one outside of her and her father know of all the events from that night. She left for university six weeks later and they've barely spoken since, though he still supports her financially from afar

"It's okay," came Winter's soft, intermittent mantra as she pressed their foreheads together and continued running her fingers gently through her hair.

" _Am_ I fucking okay, Winter?" Her inquiry was heaved out. The entire revelation left her alarmed and terrified.

"You are, because I am here with you. And I'll be with you. I promise." She took several moments to dry her eyes as best she could with her hands before sitting up and placing her head in them. Winter began slowly rubbing circles in her back not too long afterward. They sat in silence for a while, her processing a well of information and drying her tears and Winter offering absolute comfort until she had calmed. She wasn't familiar with any facet of mental health professions and didn't know what this entailed for her. She had to bury the words 'damaged' and 'broken' several times as she steadied herself, fearing the slander she'd cast against her mother.

"I'll go." Her voice was shaking. She wiped her eyes one last time, tears temporarily damned and her breathing growing a little more steady.

"You'll go?" Winter inquired, unsure of what she was agreeing to.

"I'll go.. and see a physician, a.. therapist." She took a measured breath and turned to meet her sister's concerned, yet comforting gaze. "I'll go."

"Okay," Winter said simply as she continued rubbing circles in Weiss' back. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy and please look forward to more, Ivel.


	5. Stars

"Music is the only thing that makes life worth living, whether people realize it or not. And people themselves are music."

"I guess that makes people something that makes life worth living, yeah?" Ruby turned her head slightly in anticipation of a response.

"They do. They most assuredly do. The whole of everything is _music._ It's like a crown mankind was given to wear so they could feel.. something."

"They?"

" _We._ Using 'they' probably made me sound a little alien. It's strange, but I feel like I could say I'm not from here. The dismissal of the possibility of other intelligent life out in the universe is an asinine and futile endeavor, but that's neither here nor there. Though, as a cosmic microbe, I'm certain I was a sneeze from God about 'insert an exorbitantly large and scientifically notated number of light years' that way," she finished pointing to a distant cosmos.

"If you're certain." Ruby giggled.

"Fairly," she replied with the conviction of her soul.

"I've never heard you talk so much Weiss. But that's not a bad thing! It helps me get to know you better. You're interesting, and funny too!"

"Interesting, maybe. Funny? Har-har-hardly." Ruby belly laughed after her dry delivery and soon enough she found herself laughing as well.

"Seriously though!" Ruby said at the tail end of their laughter with a playful nudge of her elbow.

"If you say so." An all too familiar and comfortable silence fell over them as their laughs receded into the quiet of the night. The seconds of silence passed as minutes, as hours, and as those warped seconds ticked by, she felt nearly compelled to speak. To quell this compulsion, she began to gently and rhythmically knock her head against Ruby's. They were laying, heads nearly touching already and hair loosely lacing, on a blanket on the small patch of grass behind her and Winter's condo. Stargazing was the theme for tonight. The previous night's theme was a live concert marathon that consisted of watching ART-SCHOOL's _Sleep Flowers_ and Radiohead's _Live at the Astoria,_ amongst others. The night prior to that's theme was music documentaries, _AfroPunk_ and _The Devil and Daniel Johnston_. Music, music, conversation, laughter, music, and.. stars. It was enjoyable.

"You're kiilin' my brain cells with that waltz, smalls," Ruby quipped, but Weiss noticed she made no attempt to move her head. Winter departed back to base Monday morning, but only after she made her promise to call her at least once a day, and not before locking the glass cabinet she kept her liquors in. Upon seeing it, Ruby asked if there was a child in the house, to which she replied that she was the child. She thought she was prepared for Winter's departure back to base after the mentally taxing and arduous weekend, but the hours that followed proved to be strangely hollow, yet suffocating. She felt alone in a labyrinth of solitude with multitudes of her thoughts. Before that vacancy could consume her, she chose to call on the one person she felt she could. This one person she wouldn't have to stand. This one person's company she actually found she enjoyed thoroughly despite their brief knowing of each other.

"It's not a waltz. I'm lightly battering you in six-eight." This one person was right beside her looking at the stars while the count of her brain cells continued to drop. Or so she claimed.

"Is there a difference?" She laughed lightly and left Ruby's question unanswered as she ceased her metronome and rested her head against Ruby's. While all of her invitations had been excitedly accepted, each night Ruby eventually retired back to her own home. The remainder of Weiss' nights after Ruby's departure were spent more or less wide awake and at her desk drawing various things in attempts to occupy or empty her mind and devour the time before she could casually invite Ruby over again. Tonight, however, she extended an invite to Ruby to sleep over and 'stargaze'. Tonight she wouldn't have to feel like a prisoner to the slow passage of time, her chains the extreme wakefulness and energy that bound her to the clock, her torture the inhuman speed at which her mind traveled.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" She was suddenly anxious. Her mind was knocking about all over itself, but this was one thing she could rid it of. It also fed her strange compulsion to speak.

"Sure, pal." Ruby's reply came quickly, but honestly.

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and was wondering if you would maybe accompany me?"

"So formal," Ruby mused with a slight chuckle. "A doctor's appointment? For what, are you okay?" Her inquiry was lightly dyed in concern, but was far from overbearing and invasive. It was.. pleasant, in truth.

"I am. Well, that is largely debatable it seems, but yes, I am healthy. The appointment is for my eye." She finished with a small gesture to the left side of her face that was home to the raised, pink scar and the stormy eye. Nervous. _Extremely_ nervous, yet she didn't want to go alone.

"I see. I don't mind at all Weiss."

"Thank you. I just have a lot of anxiety about it and my sister had to return to base. I'd just rather not go alone."

"What are friends for?" Ruby turned her head enough to look her in the eye and offer her a smile so genuine that it reached and reflected in her eyes. She turned her head back and silence swept over them briefly before Ruby spoke again. " Do you mind if I ask what happened? To your eye?"

"I.. ." That was a story she didn't necessarily want to tell right now or ever again. How does one tell another their brother essentially maimed them with a mirror? Even more so, how does one tell another that the reason their brother did that was because they violated his privacy and made a mockery and ammunition out of what they found? It was the worst of many terrible times. Hurt, hurt, pain, and more hurt.

_'Seems I'll be entertaining a brother-in-law in the future. I'm sure father will love him.'_

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. No pressure." Weiss realized that she had been very silent for a period of time closing in on abnormal.

"No," she said hurriedly. "It's just, I'd rather not go into much detail, but.. when I was sixteen, I sustained an injury to my left eye. I've had several surgeries over the years, some with complications. Add a traumatic cataract, and the result is me waiting to see if the sight in my left eye can be salvaged.

"Man," Ruby started, seemingly almost at a loss for words. "I'm sorry to hear that Weiss. I can't even imagine what that must be like." Such pure sincerity.

"It's fine." That was a lie. "I've bee dealing with this for a while and never really expected that much could be done." In truth, it terrified her completely, the thought of losing vision in her left eye. She was already suffering the progression of her continued vision loss. She was painfully made to be the first-person observer of her vision growing alarmingly more mismatched and disparate. It affected her spatial awareness even. She had run into things in her blind spot, hit her head on an open cabinet above the sink, and would reach and miss things like the refrigerator handle or doorknobs. The only thing that seemed unmarred was her ability to draw. She couldn't fathom what this would mean for her in the not-so-distant future. It _terrified_ her.

"Still, I can't imagine how scary it must be," Ruby said.

"It.. is terrifying, actually." Something about Ruby had always struck her as strangely intuitive and keen. She had never been one to open much of herself up, but Ruby seemed to elicit a want of such things from her. Her acknowledgement of the potential fright in the situation made Weiss want to not be alone in her terror. It endlessly made her want to bare herself when not being alright seemed as though it could be understood. Ruby elicited that from her and gave her a skeleton key to open that door for others if she chose to.

"It's okay to be afraid. As your friend, I don't want you to be scared and alone tomorrow." Before she could express her gratitude, a hand came to hold hers, causing her to start a little and her heart to race.

"I appreciate that.." She was at a behavioral loss. The only thing that seemed remotely right to do was to curl her fingers around those that held hers.

"What time is your appointment tomorrow?" Ruby was nonchalant.

"Ten in the morning.." Her heart continued to pulse rapidly.

"It's three a.m. now," Ruby imparted after a check of her phone. "Should we get some sleep?"

"I suppose.. "

"Let's go then!" Ruby broke contact and hopped up before offering her hand again.

"Alright." She accepted Ruby's hand up. The touch lingered for a moment before they both separated their hands. "My room is this way." She motioned inside as she entered through the back door and bared right toward the hallway. Once at the end, she opened the door to the left and led the way in.

"Woah," Ruby exclaimed softly once she entered. The room was covered with many drawings, buildings, cityscapes, and other miscellany, clothespinned to lines of string lights and hemp string sewn about the walls and overhead. "Did you draw all of these?"

"I did. I spend most of my time sketching things."

"You call _these_ sketches?" Ruby asked incredulously as she continued to spin and survey the room.

"I guess they are rather elaborate.. I don't go so far as to consider myself an artist though."

"Seriously.. " Ruby mused as she continued to marvel at the many monochrome works of art that hung about.

"You can take half of my bed if you want. It's big enough for the both of us, unless you're opposed."

"No, this is fine," Ruby confirmed as she finally pulled her eyes from the room and went to sit and then curl up on the bed. She yawned sleepily as she drew her sweatpanted legs under the covers.

"Take the far side if you don't mind," Weiss said as she sat at her desk. "I'm going to put the finishing touches on a sketch before I sleep and it would be easier if I didn't need to climb over you."

"Can do," Ruby said lazily as she scooted closer to the wall. "Don't stay up too late though. You should get some sleep too."

"I will." She wouldn't, but she wasn't feeling particularly tired per the trend that had established itself over the past few day. She saw Ruby had closed her eyes and was either lightly dozing or already asleep. She selfishly wished she wasn't for a moment, her desire for continued conversation almost overwhelming her, but she was content with not being alone in the house with just her thoughts and the passage of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please look forward to more and enjoy, Ivel.


	6. Make Something Good

The day had already been decades long, but somehow it was just shy of one in the afternoon according to her phone. Her phone was laughing at her. _Time_ was laughing at her. Angrily, she shoved her phone back into her satchel before leaning forward and putting her head in her hands. But through the cloth folds of her bag, the muffled laughter still continued to reach her ears. It taunted her, made a mockery of her very existence. Time was _not_ her friend. Every device that played timekeeper joined in at her expense. First snickering, then they all opened their nonexistent mouths in full awareness of the joke. They guffawed. _She_ was the joke. " _Stop!"_ She yelled her plea to any machine that might have mercy on her, but to no avail. They were all _laughing at her._

"Weiss?"

_'Peabody Avenue. Connecting route: 87.'_

She jumped up before the bus came to a complete stop, quickly alighting as soon as the door opened and granted her passage from the transit demon that had grown to be nearly unbearable. Qrow's sat relatively in front of her, ever the landmark most familiar to her, but right she went towards her destination: home. She walked as briskly as she was able toward it, though a lifetime still seemed to separate her from her refuge, her brisk walk more a hapless amble restricted by the sheer pressure from the contents of her head.

"Weiss!"

"Go home, Ruby," she bit in response. Everything was overloading her senses: the mild heat was too hot, the few cars were too loud and too many, her formless thoughts fired too frequently, and every address she received sent invisible tendrils of jagged stimuli along every nerve. It was making her sick to her stomach.

"I already told you, I'm not going home Weiss." Ruby was just behind her, yet her voice sounded far away. One hundred and five, one hundred and eight fenceposts on the first block toward her home.

" _Ruby._ " She stressed her name in irritation. She wasn't sure if she truly wanted her to go, but she felt as though she almost _needed_ her to leave. Something in the very pit of her stomach spoke on familiarity, and beneath the emotional cacophony that plagued her, a fearful feeling was starting to burn anxious brands into her. She needed distance.

"I told you I wouldn't let you be alone and afraid today!" She stopped and turned, meeting Ruby's eyes for the first time since they left the doctor's office. Gunmetal, soft and adamant. "You didn't get the best news and I can see it's bothering you." Gunmetal, gentle and pure.

"I don't _need_ you to tell me how I _feel."_ She turned away from her, looking right before she crossed the road, then looking left. But not left enough. The car that approached the crosswalk had certainly noticed her telegraphed movements to cross as it honked at her before she did so. She jumped and halted, the driver giving her a confused look as he drove cautiously across the intersection.

"Weiss!" Ruby was upon her, staring at her with wide eyes that bore an expression she couldn't read.

"I'm _fine_." Her rigidity waned. "I didn't look far enough left. Effectively blind, remember?" With that biting comment, she made her way to the other side, Ruby keeping pace shoulder to shoulder with her.

"Hold my hand," Ruby said once they made it to the other side, attempting to grab her hand before she utterly rejected it.

"I don't _need_ to hold your hand!"

"But I _want_ to hold yours. Please?" Ruby's voice was soft and sincere with honest, innocent coercion lining her request. Gunmetal, soft and _warm_. Ruby held her hand out to her, tenderly giving her the courtesy of grabbing her hand or not. The wedge in her mind that was being driven between her and the world stopped an attempt there. She reached for Ruby's hand, bridging an infernal gap as their fingers laced and their palms touched. That familiar ease steadied the vibrating intensity that churned the fabric of her soul as much as it was presently able and allowed her friend's words restricted passage. "Back to your house, yeah?"

"Yes.." It was hard, continuing to walk. She wasn't tired, quite the opposite really, but something in her was exhausted beyond remedy. Perhaps her lack of sleep for the past four days was catching up to her in the cruelest of ways. Everything in and of her was arrested. Everything save for the stampede of wild thought forms she was convinced would never coagulate. If there was a wound in her head that they could have torn through, she would have bled out long ago. The _circus_ made her want to submit. The _circus_ never ended and she was in dire need of rest, in dire need of a sleep that may never come. Would it ever be over?

"Let's go inside," came Ruby's voice. They were standing at her door. Time slipped her and refuge was here. The anxious brands ached on her and she pulled her hand from Ruby's in favor of seeking out her keys. She needed distance. Two clicks and the cool from inside greeted her. She shivered and kicked her shoes from her feet. She was a few steps into the large common space and her eyes locked onto the tall, glass cabinet that held the various liquors Winter had amassed over time. Now. She needed a drink now. A direct march to the cabinet and she was trying to dismantle the child lock with her bare hands, but was unsuccessful in her attempt. She turned and descended upon the first thing that registered in her vision as something that would get the job done.

"Weiss, I don't think that's the best idea." She didn't hear Ruby at all. She was already upon the cabinet with the wooden partition that was used for mail and other miscellany. The glass instantly shattered when the partition made contact with it. "Weiss.." She was already reaching through the jagged portal that sang her sweet songs of reprieve, unconcerned with the shallow cuts the portal's teeth dragged into her forearm as she retrieved a bottle to quench her sudden mental thirst. "Weiss, please talk to me."

"Ruby.. just sit with me." Two glasses now sat on the island filled with a ten year old brandy. Ruby sat across from her silently, politely refusing the glass that was slid toward her as she sat. Weiss downed it immediately after it was rejected. "There's water and juice in the fridge if you prefer something else." She didn't want to be alone.

"Weiss, you can talk to me." She looked up to meet gunmetal, pleading yet hesitant.

"I should have expected as much," she laughed before she drank the contents of her own glass, refilling it before she continued. "I _did_ expect as much, but I made the mistake of entertaining the smallest unit of hope. I was _foolish_. I deserve as much.." She laughed again to spite herself.

"Why do you think you deserve this?"

Tears welled in her eyes, and blood smeared across the surface of the island as she brought her hand to her head and raked it through her hair with a heavy sigh. Anger was boiling again. She thought of her brother. "Because I'm the child. _I'm_ the child. _I'm the child._ " Silence, eerie and full. She took another, smaller drink from her glass and lowered her head again to hide the tears that rolled down her cheeks as she clenched her eyes shut. Blood continued to bead from her arm.

"Weiss, your arm.."

"Yes, my arm. My arm—" She stared at the accidental Rorschach her blood painted, obscure and blurry from her liquid and mismatched vision. The symmetry was repugnant and beautiful.

"Can I take care of it for you?"

"If you so desire," she said taking another drink. "The first aid kit is in that cabinet." A lethargic point before her arm fell to the island. She registered very little of Ruby's movements away from then back to the counter. Her head still hung in haunted shame, but swam with the familiar breaststroke of slight inebriation. A butterfly of sorts fell into the pit of her stomach. Something about everything hit her with a deadened pang of familiarity.

"Here," Ruby gently redirected her bloodied arm toward her. "This is going to sting a bit okay?" She remained silent. She didn't so much as flinch when Ruby pressed the disinfecting wipe to her cuts. She was elsewhere, or nowhere, lost in the fresh wave of firing synapses that assaulted her. She clenched her eyes shut and knitted her brows together, bringing her free hand to her head and pressing her fingers roughly into her scalp. The _pressure_ in her head. She needed relief and somehow maybe forcing burr holes into her skull would alleviate some of this _pressure._ Futility. She snatched her arm from Ruby and stood, downing the remainder of her drink before she began to walk small, lost circles around and around and around. No relief. Something began its decent from her nose. Something warm, something familiar. She opened her eyes to see red dotting the floor in increasing increments.

" _Goddamnit!"_ Her yell was half laughed, half sobbed before she snatched her glass up and threw it into the wall opposite the island. The rage that was erupting was suddenly staunched as her eyes locked onto Ruby who sat not too far from the path of the now shattered projectile. Gunmetal, pale and terrified.

"Weiss.." Ruby's voice was small and sounded on the verge of tears. Weiss stared at her, eyes wide as if she were seeing her for the first time. Ruby looked so scared and Weiss was the terror that made it so.

"Goddamnit Ruby, please just leave." She was walking her lost circles again, heart hammering in her chest. In those pale, terrified eyes there was no more understanding. _She_ did that. She brought her hand to her face, covering it in shame.

"Weiss, I can't.."

"You _can!_ " She wiped her nose on her sleeve, blood marring the yellow of her shirt and tearing at the threads still holding her together. " _Fuck!"_ The other glass was shattered against a distant wall amidst her elongated scream. And then she stopped, every movement halted with the forlorn realization she just made. She felt naked, more than naked, as though something in and about her was laid bare and vulnerable to the scrutiny of any eye present or otherwise.

"Weiss.." that uncharacteristically small voice again. "I don't know what to do.." Ruby was crying. And she was the cause. What was there to do? She was inflicting herself on another, hurting someone who deserved nothing of what she was being burdened with. She leaned precariously over, bringing her head to her hands before she fell against the wall and slid to the floor as she was wracked with subtle sobs. She brought her knees to her chest. She wanted to hide. She tried to collapse in on herself like a star damned to self-destruction, her cries even restricted as she tried to hide everything about her from the world. Eternities seemed to be passing by every instant. Universes died and were reborn around her and she just sat, rocking tighter shut as the world rushed indifferently by. Surely she'd succumb to the binds of her half-life soon. Suddenly, she was wrapped in a grounding embrace. A part of the world stopped for _her_ , defiant against the indifference the cosmos had toward her to hold her even tighter, rose scented perhaps, and firm.

"Tell me anything." Ruby was crying still. "Tell me anything I can do." She released her knees, sobbing still, and wrapped her arms around this piece of the universe that cared to buoy her from the undercurrents that swept her further down. "I can't leave even if you want me to. Everything is telling me that I shouldn't so please, tell me anything that I can do."

_My burden._

_Your burden._

"Winter," she sobbed. A tether. Her continuity. She reached clumsily into her satchel still strung around her for her phone. Her hands were _terribly_ unsteady. A keen and knowing Ruby steadied her hand by wrapping hers around her phone as she held it. Terror claimed her as she pressed the call button and brought it to her ear. The line connected after two rings. She didn't wait for her sister's greeting before she called out to her in pained necessity. "Winter.."

 _"Weiss,"_ Winter's tone indicated that she knew something was terribly wrong.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." And she was. Every building block that made up her life _knew_ that she was burdening everyone she loved and cared about. She repeated her apology.

 _"Weiss, what's wrong? Are you alright?"_ Her sobs drifted hauntingly over the line, filled with shame and displaced terror. There was nothing she could say other than endless apologies. _"Weiss, please talk to me. Please tell me what's wrong?"_ Winter's voice was laced with fear, yet controlled in her endeavor to ascertain her sister's present state.

"I can't," she sobbed. "I don't know what's wrong. I don't _know_ what's wrong. Again, again, again.." Everything about her present state was heavier than it had ever been. She couldn't bear it. "Please come home. Just, please come home, _please.."_ Desperation.

 _"I'm coming home, Weiss. I'm on my way, I promise."_ Sound and earnest. _"Are you alone? If you are, please call Whitley to be with you until I get there. I'll be there in an hour. Please?"_

"He wouldn't come if I _was_ alone! I know he wouldn't.."

_"Who is with you, Weiss?"_

"Ruby." Ruby was still crouched beside her and holding her firmly, a silent pillar helping to stave off her descent into madness.

_"Can she stay with you until I get there?"_

"Yes." She was still crying harder than she ever had in her recent past.

_"Is it alright if I speak with her briefly."_

"Yes." She clumsily pulled the phone from her ear and held it towards her friend. After a confused moment, Ruby received the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Hello?" Ruby's voice was no longer as small as it was before, but it still carried the familiar elements of someone who had recently been afraid and crying. Another sob was wringed from her throat as she brought her hand to her head. "Yes." Nothing would solidify in her mind, but she desperately continued to try to bring order to herself. She hardly knew where she was and the desire for rest was a dangerous pull that threatened to drag her into the darkest corners of her overcrowded mind. "I understand. I will." She barely registered Ruby gesturing the phone back to her before she received it in slow and clumsy acceptance.

"Winter?"

_"I'm here Weiss, I'm here. And I'm on my way, I promise. I'll be there soon."_

"I don't feel well," she heaved, suddenly more exhausted that she ever thought she could be. "I don't feel well at all.."

 _"I know,"_ Winter's voice broke slightly. _"I know. It's going to be okay, Weiss. You're going to be okay."_ Her tears replenished themselves. She sat the phone on the floor beside her, unable to maintain any of the strength that allowed her to hold herself together and function enough to speak to her sister. Sick began to writhe in her stomach. She heaved herself up and away from her phone, away from Ruby's arms. She stumbled to the island and took a large swig of brandy from the bottle. Something needed to be drowned away. Something, be it the terminal disarray that was tearing her loudly, yet silently apart, or her very existence that this disarray had sewn itself into the seams of. The brown flush cleansed her of nothing and was never poised to stay down. She collapsed over the kitchen sink and vomited the bitter and slim contents of her stomach. She shivered from the act and sparse drops of red dotted the sink. She was held again and small circles were being rubbed into her back as she used a hand to bring water to her face.

"I need an hour." Water fell silently from her face, some droplets pink in hue. "I need to drown an hour. I.. I just need to make it an hour.."

"If you could listen to any album right now, what would it be?" What a lovely dear she was. In a flash of clarity so brief it may as well have been a figment of her imagination, she knew this girl was to be cherished. Everything about Ruby that had urged her to push the girl away was everything that was now telling her to let her into the purgatory that was devouring her. She grasped that seemingly ephemeral fragment with everything she cold muster, planted it, and gave it real life.

"It would be," her voice came out in strained pants, " _July Flame._ Laura Veirs.." The music was playing before she knew it and she was seated on the floor in front of the sink with Ruby tending to her cuts.

_I can see your tracks, but I won't follow them._

_I'll just hope for rain. Or some kind of crazy wind_

_to erase them and chase them into oblivion._

Time passed them over, a construct in their burrow of stillness. The only thing that propelled them forward was the continuing progression of the music. She was blank and empty, yet full. The anguish that filled and stilled her marked its place as the absence of, a void that filled her completely as it left her bereft of something to hold on to. But the presence of roses from the body next to hers and the hand that never left her own grounded her. So much so that if it wasn't there, she would have chosen to go away by now, forever, to escape this wretched vacancy that seemed to weigh as much as a world on its own.

_Am I going, am I going up in smoke?_

_Am I going, am I going up in smoke?_

Centipedes of varying stimuli crawled tiny, make-shift pathways through her, trying to get a rise out of her, but she was terribly vacant. She laughed at what she saw of herself in a brief vision. Tears rolled steadily down her cheeks. She had no rise, only fall, and unwanted rushing waves of syncopated thought crimes. A soft moan of abstract pain escaped her lips.

_Will you evermore tie up my hair with velvet bows?_

_Will you evermore pull out the splinters from my toes?_

_I don't think so._

"此処いるよ". The gentle stroke from Ruby's hand and that gentle mantra she repeated didn't go unnoticed. It was the anchor she told Winter she didn't have that night so akin to this. Her head rested on Ruby's shoulder now. She didn't know how long they had been sitting that way, but the proximity, the touch brought her endless comfort. Her mind's pace was more merciful now, though only minimally courteous. She felt tired, as though she could sleep. She may have been already dozing, but she was so acutely aware of Ruby's continued presence that a certain focus for it lit a dull torch in her darkened mind. She reached towards it desperately with a weak squeeze of her hand that she could gather enough vague strength to give. She had only this vague strength to give in the absence of her ability to resist. This vague strength was only her ability to _remain_. She could remain. For her, for Winter. She felt terribly ill.

_I wanted to make something pure._

_An emerald field from steer manure._

_A wide-eyed child in a moonlit room,_

_make something good._

_I wanted to make something built to last._

_A bottled ship with a golden mast._

_And through the squall, the course stays true._

_Make something good._

"Weiss.." She felt hands on her: one in her left, another on her arm, and two on her face. She let another soft moan of abstract pain slip from her mouth. Her head hurt, and yet it didn't. It wasn't a physical pain. If it had been she'd surely have cried out by now. But it was there, accosting her cyclically with abandon, a specter of an unknown world. A kiss to the forehead before a hand pushed away her bangs as though checking for a fever. She heaved her eyes barely open, the dual apparitions before her filling her with a familiar warmth. She willed herself from Ruby's shoulder and forward, reaching out just barely as she was only able to, and arms enveloped her, strong and binding. She didn't have the strength to return the embrace. A damn broke somewhere, and Winter was suddenly crying.

"I don't feel well, Winter. I.." She shivered and clutched weakly at the front of her sister's uniform jacket. The pain she felt she couldn't feel and yet here she was, feeling it still. It was unbearable. So full of emptiness, how was she not collapsing in on herself? How was she not bloated, eyes bulging and tongue swollen? "I'm sorry." Her tears fell now as she buried her head into Winter's shoulder. Such exhaustion.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Weiss." Winter's voice was still broken with emotion. "I'm sorry I never saw that you needed help, sorry I didn't see sooner. I'm so sorry.." Winter removed one of her arms from around her to reach for something at her side before bringing it to her ear. "I need an ambulance at 4128 N. Peabody Avenue." She registered the words, but there was no reaction in her. "I believe my sister is having a bi-polar episode, and I'm afraid—" Was there a name to put to it now, this disarray? Something warm started from her nose again for the third time. Through a bleary eye she saw red now dotting her sister's uniform and she knew it would be hard to get the jagged red stains out of the white fabric. Her vision darkened and blurred. She had exhausted that vague strength, that strength to remain. She heaved a sigh as her grasp on Winter's uniform front loosened, but didn't fall. The darkness tempted her and she released a ledge, falling into temptation as unconsciousness warmly enveloped her in her entirety, the warmth of touch and the scent of roses the last things to vacate her senses before she went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please look forward to more, Ivel.


	7. Acquiesce

"Good morning, Ms. Schnee. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine, I suppose. And good morning to you as well, Dr. Ozpin." There were arguably more interesting things occupying the room she was in. Just earlier she was admiring the varied pieces of artwork that adorned the walls around the facility. There were a few works in particular that caught her eye more than any others: framed black and white photographs taken through the windows of buses, trains, and taxi cabs that captured intimate and lonely travelscapes. Every photograph she found of the sort were seemingly all by the same photographer. Limited or personal prints, perhaps. They weren't near trite enough to be damned to mass production. She spotted a few on the walls of the room upon her initial entrance, but no, her focus was on the overly, almost _painfully_ ugly socks she got from the hospital. Just horrid enough for mass production.

"I wish we could have met under better circumstances as initially planned, perhaps it would have made for a more comfortable situation, but I imagine you can take more comfort in this place as opposed to the needless brightness of the ward at the hospital." The man across from her chuckled and sipped from his mug. She chanced a look at him: a bespectacled man with graying hair, face easy with a pleasant smile so effortless it made her wonder if this was his face at rest. She broke eye contact and continued to pick at the rubber grips on the bottom of her socks.

"I wasn't aware that my sister had me an appointment on the books. We only discussed it briefly, so I guess this is initial enough." She paused briefly before continuing. "I will admit, this place is more pleasurable to my visual sense than the hospital was."

"I'm of the opinion that the effect of natural light is better simulated with _windows_ as opposed to palettes of white and yellow." He chuckled to himself again before continuing. "We only talked briefly your first days at the hospital before you were transferred here, and only once since you arrival. I'm hoping that we could talk more at length now that your mind is more clear."

" _Lucid_ is a more befitting term, I feel. Whether here or there, I have been effectively whisked away to the fifth floor. And undoubtedly for reasons."

"Why do you feel 'lucid' is the more befitting term? Do you feel such a difference between your mental state or presence now as opposed to before you were admitted that warrants the term's use?" His question wasn't intrusive. If anything, it was as innocuous as it could be given the situation. A perfect question to ease into the conversation, gentle yet poignant. A bridge towards establishing trust. And yet she clung to her reticence by default. She wasn't a terribly forthcoming individual in any right. She wasn't necessarily keen on sharing and nor was she keen on being _emotionally_ vulnerable. She sighed, knowing it was futile to be a child in this endeavor. She wasn't wary of him. Just unsure of herself

"I do. If I can be honest, my experience with consciousness now as opposed to then is _very_ much so night and day."

"That is good to hear. You've been on your current schedule of medication now for a span of days now. How have they made you feel, even in comparison to before you were taking them? Feel free to be as descriptive as you like, even if it seems unrelated or extraneous. We want to make sure that your medication is as personally tailored to you and your symptoms as much as we are able." She stopped playing with the stubborn grips on her socks if favor of pulling her cardigan around her, the chill in the building pervasive. Knitting her eyebrows together loosely in contemplation, she wondered. How did she feel? What had changed between now and then? Her brief stay in the hospital was a distant haze, even the days before.

"It's.. difficult to explain to an extent."

"Please try as best you can. There are no wrong answers." She made eye contact with the man.

"Fair enough." She sighed at took interest in her socks again before she continued. "My first days at the hospital, even the days leading up to my admittance were.. _are_ hazy in a vague sense. I remember occupying myself at that point in time, but recalling it now when I'm not in the throes of that state of mind.. it's almost dreamlike? Like a memory of a crude recollection of a memory that I lived. I suppose it is the medication that is giving me this clarity that I have now. Everything is.. still a bit hazy though. I'm unsure if that is a bi-product of the medication or consequence of my recent and persistently errant sleep schedule."

"Suffice to say it may be a product of both." She caught his smile, paternal and understanding, before he continued "Mania and depression not only effect you mentally, but physically as well. This haze should go away within a day or two. Think of it as your mind and body finding its equilibrium again."

"I see."

"Is there anything else you can think of? Even the smallest thing may be of great importance."

"Nausea at times. It doesn't necessarily affect my appetite, but its presence is enough to make keeping food down a task at times. There's nothing else that I can presently think of." Her socks were starting to bore her and the more she looked at their sickly green color, the more she wondered why anyone would let these abominations see the light of day. She sighed and left the wretched articles be to sit simply on the couch and gaze upon the room.

"Very well. We will see if any of these things resolve themselves in the next few days before we take steps to try and remedy them." She hummed her acknowledgement. The conversation was easy enough. "Before we part ways for the day, I want to talk to you about your diagnosis. I feel that it is paramount that our patients are agents in their treatment process." Or so she thought. "It was quicker to happen upon given its presence in you family history. Your sister tells me that your mother also has Bipolar Disorder." She flinched ever so slightly.

" _Had._ And yes, I suppose, though I am just recently aware of this myself." She turned to look out the window. The natural light did do a setting such as this more justice than white and yellow paint.

"Had?"

"Suffice to _say_ , it took her out, but that is a conversation for another day if you don't mind." She sighed. She was being needlessly difficult with someone who was not only being kind, but also trying to help her. "I'm sorry.. That was uncalled for."

"No need to apologize, Ms. Schnee. If anything, I should be the one offering my apologies for my careless slip of the tongue." His visage and his voice took on a serious tone and he lowered his head slightly in deference, a gesture that struck her as the utmost sincere as she turned to witness it before her met her gaze to resume. "I am sorry for your loss. We can most assuredly save the conversation for another day." She broke her gaze back to the window and remained _silent._ This was something she wanted to speak with Winter about first before anyone else. "Bipolar disorder is a very complex illness. It is characterized by the presence of manic and/or depressive episodes. Its character grows broader because one person with BP may experience only manic episodes while another may experience both manic and depressive episodes in varying frequencies of occurrence or fluctuation. And then there are some who experience BP with _mixed_ episodes in varying degrees and frequencies. Bipolar Disorder is such a complex illness because no one person's biology or experience is the same." Information rich.

"How would you characterize my particular iteration of Bipolar Disorder?" Despite the distance her body language put in between herself, the conversation, and Dr. Ozpin, she was listening quite intently to his every word. Her thirst for answers and understanding quelled her anxiety regarding her life's affairs at present. Past and future even.

"Your particular iteration I would characterize as Bipolar Disorder dominated primarily by mixed features."

"Mixed features meaning the presence of both manic and depressive episodes, yes?"

"Yes, but more. BP with mixed features is characterized by a third episode, one that contains elements of a manic episode and a depressive episode simultaneously. A person experiencing a mixed episode may experience the racing thoughts and energy of mania and the depressed mood and lethargy of a depressive episode at the same time."

"That sounds counterintuitive and.." she sighed, "terribly familiar.."

"I suppose that's one word for it," he chuckled. "Mixed features in Bipolar Disorder add another complexity to the illness. Its counterintuitive nature makes it difficult to treat because what is best for the symptoms of one is not necessarily the best for the symptoms other. Treatment for one feature may even exacerbate the features of the other."

"That's.. enlightening. Though I'm unsure if I should be entertaining hope or terror with this sudden knowledge."

"It is perfectly normal to be afraid, Ms. Schnee. Bipolar Disorder is a very serious illness, but I am here to urge you towards favoring hope for the long run." She looked toward him, unsure and slightly peeved at this man's easy and assuring disposition. It wasn't that she doubted his nature or his sincerity, but he was making it hard for her to decide if she was having a hard time with all of this or if she was already past the acceptance phase and ready to move on. Move.. forward. Her life had been effectively turning on its head for God knows _how_ long and now it had turned on its head again with a crash into lucidity carrying a _mountain_ of new information . And here she was, somewhere in between two different lives, both hers. She was surprised she didn't have a perpetual headache with how obscenely overwhelming her life had become. Is. Was? She sighed and resigned herself to keeping the jury out on everything.

"When can I see my sister?" She vaguely remembers Winter visiting her once while she was still at the hospital. Surely she had visited her more than that, but she could only vaguely recall once. She missed her desperately.

"Shortly, as a matter of fact," Dr. Ozpin smiled. "Visitation hours started twenty or so odd minutes ago. You are free to head downstairs to meet her if you'd like. I think here would be a fine place to stop."

"I would like." She pulled her legs from cross beneath her and rose from her chair to slide her feet into her sandals. She made for the door, pressing her weight against the heavy oak before she paused. "Thank you, for.. it was nice talking."

"The pleasure is mine, Ms. Schnee." She could hear his smile in his voice. "I will see you tomorrow." And with that she exited to the hall and headed downstairs. She was thankful that Winter had taken great consideration for her care during her mental absence. Beacon Mental Care had an _awful_ name, but she could acknowledge it honestly and greatly for the care it took in every facet that made it one of the best private facilities for inpatient and outpatient mental health care. She felt at ease being admitted here as opposed to _committed_ to the offensively bright and accosting medical ward. The wooden stairs she descended were finely maintained and polished and the warm colors and abundance of natural light were comforting elements. The place helped to put some of her nerves and anxiety at ease despite her present situation and the circumstances that brought her here. Rounding the banister, she caught a familiar head of fair hair that stood stark again the cool palette. She quickened her pace, perhaps even had a bounce in her step as she approached her still unaware sister.

"Winter!" A smile broke on her face. She had missed her sister desperately.

"Weiss." She was engulfed in that lovingly fierce and binding embrace. She enveloped her sister in kind. "How are you?" Her sister's inquiry came muffled before they separated. Winter smiled at her fully, thought her eyes were wet with joyously relieved tears.

"Well enough, I suppose. Though there's a cruel man upstairs who somehow got me to talk about my thoughts _and_ feelings." She took Winter's hand as she laughed and led her across the expanse of the bottom floor towards the door to the grounds. "And here I thought I had a resistance to such demands."

"Thoughts _and_ feelings, Weiss? Information I work so hard for, given away freely."

"I _know_. Who am I?" Her smile and Winter's laugh were full as they went outside, electing to sit on a bench positioned beneath the shade of dense canopies to escape the full force of the sun's rays. "You don't mind sitting outside, do you? It's uncomfortably frigid there," she finished as she pulled her free hand into her sleeve, the chill from earlier still vacating her body.

"I don't mind. It's rather lovely outside today."

"It is." She smiled easily as a comfortable silence passed them over for a few moments. Her attention was pulled left, to Winter who was silently smiling at her. "You know, it's rude to stare at the differently _stabled."_ Winter chuckled at that.

"You're terrible."

"It's _hardly_ a secret that my main coping mechanism is self-deprecating and borderline inappropriate humor," she laughed. "You're arguably worse for finding me funny. _But,_ to honestly answer your question from earlier, I'm.. I'm feeling better. My head is.. clearer, I suppose. More clear than I think it's ever been." It was strange, outside of or on the other side of her.. her illness. She found herself frequently in awe at the difference between her two most recent frames of mind. That what she once thought was normalcy was actually a product of an illness of her mind was.. surreal, and terrifying, especially since her present state of mind was so different, yet familiar.

"I'm glad that you are feeling well, Weiss, and I.." Winter was hesitating. Her smile faltered a bit as she collected her thoughts. "I'm sorry that I didn't realize that you needed help sooner. I feel that I was completely blind to your suffering, and because of that failed you as your sister." Traces of emotion lined Winter's voice. She saw Winter's eyes were wet again with unshed tears. She squeezed her hand in comfort.

"You didn't fail me as a sister, Winter. Quite the opposite actually. You've shown me patience, and kindness.. understanding. Even when I would try to push you, everyone away, I would always turn around after my fits, and _you_ would be there for me." Her eyes were now swimming with unshed tears. "You don't ever get to think that you failed me as a sister. I won't allow it." She held Winter's hand tighter as she laughed, silently and abundantly grateful for her beyond words. She loved her sister dearly. "Winter." Remembrance. "How did you know mother suffered from.. from what I have?"

"When I retuned to base last weekend I called Father and asked him to tell me about whatever it was that she suffered from. Demanded really after his initial resistance, but he acquiesced when I told him that I feared you may be suffering from it as well."

"And how did that conversation go?"

"It was.. difficult. And far more draining that I imagined it would be despite it being an already tender subject." She hummed a simple response after taking in Winter's divulgence. "He called and asked about you the other day."

"Did he?" That surprised her more than she thought anything ever could.

"He did. As did Whitley after I told him you were in the hospital." Another simple hum in response to the second most surprising thing she could ever experience. "I think you should reach out to Father, and Whitley, whenever you are ready."

"I," she paused in contemplation. These were separate mountains in their own right. "I'll think on it," she resigned, leaving the jury out on those mountains as well. For now at least.

"You should also call Ruby Rose," she started and turned to Winter for answers she was already poised to give her. "Did you know she saved my number to her phone at some point after that night I picked you up from the convenience store?"

"I was unaware.."

"Well she did, and she has been _very_ persistent in following up on your well being."

"And here I thought I _more_ than scared her away." She frowned in remembrance of that night. It was a horrid memory of a crude recollection of a memory.

"Funny things happen when you _elect_ to maintain relationships." Winter pulled a phone from her pocket and slid it into her lap. "Those people become increasingly more difficult to chase away." Winter smiled. "You're a lovely person to know, Weiss. Arguably my most favorite person in the world. And Ruby seems like a sincere and caring friend. One who I think is worth _electing_ to keep in your life."

"I'll take that to heart." She slid the index finger of her free hand across the screen of her phone, oddly nostalgic for the effortlessly pleasant girl's company of the not so distant past. "Are you leaving this with me? Isn't it prohibited so I don't plot an escape?" Winter laughed at that.

"Maybe if you were in prison, Weiss. There are some rules though. Phones are to be checked in at lights out, and can be picked up at breakfast."

"Understood." An easy smile made its home on her face once more as she slid her finger across her phone screen again before leaving it be. She brought her head to rest against Winter's shoulder and they sat there under the dense canopies, partaking in light conversation and enjoying the comfortable silences that fell over them in between. Her thoughts drifted to a certain girl, then to certain strained relationships, but they flowed at a manageable pace so unlike before. Head light and heart presently full, she felt.. at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for readng and please look forward to more, Ivel!


	8. Thank You

She placed her pencil gently down, bringing her right hand to clutch her left as she inhaled and loosed a deep breath. She could feel the minor tremor in it that kept the finer precision from her hand that she needed to sketch the intricate cityscapes she liked. Dr. Ozpin told her that it was a side effect of the new medication she was taking, moving from treatment of her recent episode to what he called the 'maintenance' of her illness. He said the symptoms would come to pass, yet after two days, she found this debilitation mostly unchanged. Drawing was most things to her if not everything. She had been endeavoring to refine her peace of mind through sketching, but the buzzing in her hand was largely keeping her preferred form of expression from her. She sighed quietly and released her hand. She supposed she would have to give it more time. In the meantime, she had been experimenting more with abstract art in addition to leaving herself skeletons of cities to bring to life once her hand started obeying her again. Looking over what she had left her future self so far, she supposed the detour wasn't all bad. Her patience, she found, had slowly been rejuvenating itself over the course of her stay and put her in a advantageous position to give it all, _everything,_ more time. A singular buzz from her phone took her away from the pages and her thoughts. Reading the message, a warmth filed her and she smiled.

_'Good morning! Can't wait to see you today :D '_

Ever since Winter brought her phone to her two days ago, she and Ruby had exchanged recurring morning greetings and nightly farewells. The conversations in between were light, yet meaningful. Ruby would offer her forays into the world outside with stories of her many shenanigans, give her times to look forward to when telling her of the many albums she discovered and wanted to share with her, and fill her with a curious anticipation and longing whenever she expressed that she missed her and looked forward to seeing her again. And if she was being quite honest with herself, she missed her friend terribly and couldn't wait to see her as well. Taking notice of the time, she stood from the desk that occupied her current room. She was scheduled to see Dr. Ozpin.

Their conversations had been getting progressively more personal in a certain sense. It didn't necessarily make her uncomfortable, not any more at least, though Winter hadn't spoken in jest when she said her thoughts and feelings were something she worked hard for. When it came to her imparting bits of thought and slivers of feelings, she didn't _do_ that. Period. Winter was the exception, not the rule. The element of strangeness in it all was how she was less inclined to cling to her reticence now when speaking to Dr. Ozpin. Talking to him had grown easier over the course of her stay and oftentimes she could dare to even say that she looked forward to their talks. On her fourth visit to his office, she realized that their was an absence of a person that she could talk to about some of the heavier things that plagued her, had been plaguing her for years. Winter was privy to a lot of things, but not all. The two most glaring examples were most, if not all of the details of those haunting encounters with her father and brother. Those were skeletons of a different sort that she had made herself. Standing in front of large and slightly ajar door, she knocked.

"Come in," lofted the familiar and inviting voice from inside. "Good morning, Ms. Schnee," Dr. Ozpin greeted once she entered and came to sit across from him, sliding her feet from her sandals and pulling her legs cross and beneath her in the chair.

"Good morning, Dr. Ozpin," she smirked. "What demons are we to exorcise today?"

"That remains to be seen," he chuckled. "How are you feeling today?"

"More or less the same. My hand is still giving me trouble when I draw, though it's presented me an opportunity to experiment with more abstract forms of art," she divulged. "I suppose that has helped me with being more resolute in giving it more time. I've also been more slow to get going in the morning. It's a bit uncharacteristic of me, but I've been dealing with more tiredness when I wake the past couple of days."

"We can try an adjusted dosage of the medication tonight to see if that helps resolve your tiredness upon waking. As for your hand, that should abate in no more than a week as your body acclimates to its presence in your system. With this particular medication, I've scheduled your dose to be increased incrementally over time, at least once or twice more. I will let you know that certain side-affects may reoccur at those times, but will abate shortly after as well.

"Sounds exciting," she shrugged before looking at the clock.

"Aside from your schedule of medication, you will need to visit me once a week so that we can make sure everything is settling properly once you are discharged tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow." Dr. Ozpin smiled. "I've already informed your sister that she will be able to pick you up after we meet."

"Finally," she heaved, smiling after the exhale. This was glorious news and she could feel her small corner of the world calling her back to it.

"How do you feel about the time you have spent here?" She pondered his question genuinely.

"Honestly, it has been a generally positive and.. life-changing experience. I feel as though a veil has been lifted from my life. It's like getting a pair of glasses when you never knew you needed them. Having never known a world that wasn't blurry, you believe that is the way it has always been and always will be. That it is like that for others too, but then you put on the glasses and suddenly the leaves on the trees have lines!" She becomes suddenly aware her soliloquy and noticed the gentle smile on Dr. Ozpin's face. "I-If you can imagine it," she finished shyly.

"I can, Ms. Schnee. Especially after such a poetic description."

"Hardly."

"I wouldn't be so sure," he playfully battled through his continued smile. "But I am glad to hear that you have received such great benefit in your time here."

"I have," she concluded. "But despite all that, there is a subtle, yet lingering trepidation." She furrowed her brows as she readied to explain her complex concern in the most coherent way the knotted bother would allow. "When I leave here.. there are things I don't want to break, and most troubling are the things that are broken, relationships that I don't know can be fixed. Relationships I don't know whether or not they _deserve_ to be fixed." Dr. Ozpin ruminated for a moment on her words.

"While Bipolar Disorder distresses the mind and the body," he started, "it also distresses the many relationships one has cultivated, carried, and maintained. Some of the people in your life will see through your illness, through the actions you have taken while unwell, and to you, poised quite effortlessly not to forget, but to forgive and understand. Yet while there are some who will embrace you wholly, there may be others who aren't quite as primed towards embracing you without explanation and recompense, if they are primed to consider it at all."

"Such is duality," came her short reply.

"Why don't you feel they deserve to be fixed?"

"Because I don't know if I care to forgive them, or be forgiven." Her brows lowered with old anger. "My father and my brother.. I was cruel, or 'evil' my brother would say. I hurt them or lashed out at them. I remember these times, from as early as my sophomore year in high school, and its _familiar_. I could argue in favor of my actions being outright unforgivable, but I could argue that for their actions as well. I've cause Winter pain before, but she's never hurt me. Not like they have."

"How did they hurt you, Ms. Schnee?" Dr. Ozpin's voice wasn't forceful, but soft and caring, letting her know that if this question was too much for her that she could abstain from answering, but also letting her know that he was there to listen, understand, and help.

"Violence." Her voice was low, and carried a tone that said she had no desire to speak on it further.

"I see.." Dr. Ozpin acknowledged, a silent moment of brevity passing them over before he continued. "I think we are fine to stop here today, but as always, know I am hear to listen whenever you need."

"I appreciate it," she sighed as she pulled her legs from cross beneath her to slide her feet into her sandals. "It seems we've found our demons," she smirked to herself as she made for the door, turning back briefly to finish. "Until next time though."

"Until next time." And with that she passed into the hall. She walked the now familiar path to the lobby, her mind burdened due to the particularly heavy note her and Dr. Ozpin's conversation ended on. But she needed to seek counsel on that particular bother. It had been an almost imperceptible anxious lining to the days after Winter told her that her father and brother had inquired after her. It riddled her with a mixture of vague yet complex feelings of guilt and anger, impervious to absolution.

"Weiss!" She had been on autopilot her entire route, her mind preoccupied with old weight. She hadn't the awareness of her surroundings as she alighted the stairs to prepare herself for the girl now bounding toward her. "Hey!" Ruby collided with her using such a force that she expected to be on the ground by now. But the embrace merely knocked her off one foot briefly before that familiar hold grounded her again and pulled her close.

"Ruby," she said through a laugh, heart pulsing quickly from the initial startle as Ruby jostled her lightly up and down as she bounced. "Fun fact: my brain might be dribbling off the base of my skull."

"Sorry!" Ruby exclaimed, releasing her before taking a step back. In doing so, Ruby allowed her the opportunity to look on her friend. It was almost like seeing her for the first time and strangely enough, she wondered had she ever truly _seen_ Ruby before now.

"Hey you.." She was met with gunmetal, inviting and.. _brilliant_ as they shone through her dark bangs, her high cheekbones, undoubtedly from her father, accentuated by her full smile. Ruby beamed at her, hands behind her back and rocking back and forth on her feet in excitement. She was rather small, but firm as outlined by the black tone of her skinny panted legs, and maybe a bit taller than her? Her mannerisms, her presence was so effortlessly endearing as her characteristic jubilance rolled off of her in waves.

"Earth to Weiss! How's that basketball game?"

"I think I have dain bramage," she joked, eliciting an all too familiar sound of laughter from her friend. She smiled, realizing that she missed the girl opposite to her more than she knew. She had yet to break away from her eyes. Gunmetal she realized she'd been longing for. Tearing herself from her reverie, she made to speak. "Do you want to walk around the grounds?"

"Let's do it!"

"This way," she gestured before leading the way across the ground floor and through the double doors opposite the entrance. The sun hit her and topped off any part of her that Ruby's warmth hadn't reached, if such a place in her existed at present.

"Hey, Weiss," Ruby said as she pulled on the base of her cardigan's sleeve and held on. "It's great to see you. I've missed the heck outta you, y'know?" She lowered her gaze to the grass, smile the furthest from leaving her face.

"I can't say I haven't wanted to see you either." Ruby laughed at that.

"I'll take it! But I've already figured you missed your best friend about as much as I missed mine." She wasn't wrong.

"Maybe I did," she quietly admitted, though still loud enough so that Ruby could hear it as she wrapped her pinky and ring fingers around two of Ruby's own that weren't currently holding her cardigan's sleeve. Ruby moved closer to her, relinquishing her hold on her cardigan in favor of holding her hand in earnest and walking shoulder to shoulder with her.

"How have you been, Weiss?" She saw Ruby turn to look at her in her periphery as she gently inquired about her.

"I've been fine, I suppose. It's been.. a lot, honestly." She kept her eyes forward. "Times of uncertainty. Times when I was unsure of myself, unsure about life in a way. It's been difficult. It still is if I'm to keep going with the honesty disclaimer." A tear fell from her eye. Swiping it away, she laughed to herself. Here she is happening upon yet another one of those doors. Understanding. She smiled, grateful for what the girl next to her had given her.

"I want you to know I'm here for you Weiss." Just a lovely as she remembered her.

"I'm still gratefully taken aback by how you are despite how consistently dreadful I've been."

"Weiss, stop." Ruby hopped in front of her, stopping their forward motion and taking both of her hands in her own. A tear rolled down her cheek as she hesitantly met Ruby's eyes. "You haven't been consistently dreadful. I've seen more of you than what you think is all I've seen of you. You use twelve words to say you like spending time with someone or that you miss someone instead of three plain old words. You literally say you are unable to say that you didn't miss someone," she laughed. "You're interesting, talented and passionate. I mean, look at all of the art you've made! You're witty, and have a dark, twisty, dry sense of humor that cracks me up, and despite what you think, you're nice and kind, and you said thank you before you left Qrow's the first time we met. Even after how dreadful you thought you were, you _thanked_ me. I've helped dreadful people, and none of them have thanked me afterwards. So you don't get to think you've been dreadful to me if I, uh.. don't think you've been dreadful to me? Yeah." Gunmetal, honest and resolute. Ruby's hands were still holding hers firmly, thumbs gently going back and forth over her fingers as she continued to smile and unblinkingly hold her gaze. Another tear rolled down her cheek as she wove her arms around Ruby's neck and pulled her close, her friend enveloping her in kind.

"I think I could really use a friend like you," her muffled confession came from the fabric of Ruby's sleeveless hoodie as she cried into it.

"You already _have_ a friend like me. ばっか," Ruby stated, accenting her final word with two light knocks on the back of her still buried head. "Sorry for lightly battering you in two-two." She snorted a laugh into Ruby's hoodie before pulling away.

"You know, you're a little funny." Ruby beamed. "Just a little though," she smirked before wiping her eyes

"I'll take that too!" Her exclamation was punctuated by her pulling a tangle of wires from her front pocket. "So this isn't one of that albums I discovered, but I do want to share it with you. Are you Fish?"

"Am I what?" She blinked, confused by the question she was asked.

"And there's my answer. Buckle up Weiss! I'm about to introduce you to one of my favorite bands, Fishmans!" She took the earbud Ruby held out to her, the pair she brought lengthier than the one they used at the park and perfect for their walk. Once they both affixed their bud to their ear, Ruby pressed play and they resumed their walk. The band definitely piqued her musical sensibilities, but she found herself distracted by very small distance between them that the earbuds allowed for. Closing the space, she took Ruby's pinky and ring fingers into her own.

"I think I rather like holding your hand," she said so quietly that she herself could barely hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take care and see you always, Ivel.


	9. It Could Be Sweet

No change in tiredness with a deficit in her quality of sleep. The muscles in her stomach seized and the final remains of what was once her breakfast joined their kin in the toilet bowl. She shivered. The nausea had been persistent throughout her stay at _Beacon_ , but this was the first time it had gotten the best of her. A flush of the commode, and she was back to sitting against the wall with her eyes closed. She rose before breakfast earlier than usual, due in no small part to the strange dream she vaguely remembered having. She couldn't go so far as to call it a nightmare, having found herself jostled awake more from unrest than from terror, but the result was ultimately the same. And despite the tiredness she felt upon waking, she couldn't get back to sleep no matter how much she willed it. Instead she chose to start her day, the last day she would spend at _Beacon._ It wasn't too much earlier than when she normally rose, but it was just enough of a difference that she could ready herself and gather her things for her departure. She took a mildly generous shower, dousing herself with a frigid spray to attack her exhaustion at its source before she adjusted the temperature to nearly scald away any that was left behind. She was successful, mostly. Having spent most of her stay in flannel pajama bottoms and various band tshirts, she opted this morning for a pair of jeans, canvas sneakers, and a plain black shirt under her usual cardigan. She shivered again, the chill inside as pervasive as ever. Feeling less inclined to retch again, she stood and brushed her teeth again before she made her way from the bathroom, grabbing her phone from the desk and collapsing back onto the bed. She had a half an hour or so before she was to see Dr. Ozpin. And after, she would be discharged. Rolling over, she finished pecking out a reply to Ruby.

_'Come spend time with me today. I still need to introduce you to Portishead.'_

With her reply sent, she closed her eyes, curling into herself a bit as she rode a gentle wave of nausea back to shore. She was still a little tired, but her continued activity this morning kept it at bay enough for her to keep chugging along. Her phone vibrates in her hand and she peels her eyes open to read Ruby's reply.

 _'The band that's like_ Redrum _? Oh, and I have a surprise for you!'_

_'That's the one. I still can't believe you've never listened to them. What's the surprise?'_

_'It's a secret, duh O wO '_ She smiled.

_'Looking forward to it.'_

Content to leave their conversation for the time being, she took notice of the time and rose to go meet with Dr. Ozpin. Shuffling along as she was, she couldn't help having the slightest bounce in her step. Despite the time she spent here being generally pleasant, she was ready to be rid of this place. Despite her experience, there were constant reminders around that reminded her of where she was and why she was truly there. People she gleaned had been there thrice as long as she had, and here they were remaining after she left. People who couldn't roam as freely as she was allowed to, though even with this privilege, she was still part of the focus of a collection of watchful and discerning eyes. The fifth floor despite its progressive nature, and she was still here, very much so for reasons. The door she approached was invitingly ajar as always. Raising her hand, she knocked.

"Come in," the easy voice came. "Good morning, Ms. Schnee," Dr. Ozpin said with smile as she came to sit across from him, greeting her during her stay for the last time.

"Good morning, Dr. Ozpin," she said, smiling in return.

"I'm sure you are quite looking forward to going home today. As such, I will keep our time today concise, a debriefing of sorts, and get you well on your way. Sound good?"

"I think that's more than agreeable."

"Very well then. But as always, how are you feeling today, Ms. Schnee?"

"Excited, but I'm sure that goes without saying," she laughed. "Aside from that, the tiredness I talked to you about persisted this morning and there was a change in my quality of sleep. The nausea I've experienced also got the better of me today. Overall, I've felt generally sluggish. More so than most days."

"I see," Dr. Ozpin responded before taking a moment to think over what she had told him. "The slight change in dosage of your medication last night may have attributed some causation, but I am unable to say to what extent with a favorable degree of certainty. The course of action that we can take is to keep the dosage the same to see if it normalizes, or revert to the previous dosage."

"I honestly can't say which would be preferable given that I haven't had much time for this all to settle, so I'll leave it to you."

"Very well," he confirmed before pulling forth a folder. "I have already called in your prescriptions to your pharmacy. They include the lower dosage. Preferring to have your medication as readily available as possible, as well as preferring to commit to a solid regiment in order to ascertain its effectiveness as a maintenance treatment, we will adhere to the lower dosage while leaving the others unchanged."

"That's fine. This is the trial and error of it all you described, correct?"

"Correct. But I want you to remember that you are an agent in your treatment, Ms. Schnee. Any and every misgiving you have about your medication I want you to bring to my attention so that I can better tailor your care."

"I understand," she agreed. The remaining time was spent much in the same manner as Dr. Ozpin went over the medications she would be taking in greater detail. As concise as all of the information was, the volume of it seemed a daunting whirlwind that left her a passenger in its wake. She was unable to do more than confirm she'd heard the information with monosyllabic inserts. Three medications. Two in the morning, one to help stabilize her mood and another to curb some anxiety and her lowered moods, and one at night to more specifically curb the mania. Having it all fleshed out for her like that sparked a bit of anxiety in her, a thin lining, yet it was there. It was strange, that all this was necessary in keeping her from regressing into a terrible and incorrigible child, that something in her brain was so fractured that a mild cocktail of medication was needed to force it into cohesion. She wondered about her mother and an equally thin line of fear stirred in her as well. She wondered briefly where it was her life would lead, before pulling herself from the train of thought and back to the conversation.

"Lastly, I want to go over some key pieces of information when it comes to taking your medication. Maintaining a fairly regimented schedule is of great importance. Taking your medication daily and at a scheduled time is imperative. If you miss a dose for any reason, take it as soon as you can unless it is closer to the end of the day, in which case take the dose as prescribed the following day. Good habits when it comes to sleeping and eating are also important to establish. While your medication will help with bringing you balance, it can not account for every chemical shift that occurs within the brain. As such, getting adequate sleep and nourishing yourself well will help stave off the shifts that can occur when one doesn't rest enough or take in enough sustenance. Finally, I highly suggest, if not urge you to abstain from partaking in alcoholic beverages." She tuned in firmly at Dr. Ozpin's last suggestion. "Alcohol and other substances are known to not only cause shifts in our brains, but they are often used by people suffering from bipolar disorder as a form of self-medication, diagnosed or otherwise. Mixing alcohol into the chemical equation can be a Pandora's Box of reactions and I tend towards advocating against its use when taking medications for psychiatric illnesses."

"Duly noted," she replied. She found the logic very sound given her past tendencies to try and inebriate herself into oblivion during her more tumultuous times. "I suppose I have been one to self medicate.. but I see no reasoning in doing so now given where this has all landed me." A nod and a hum from Dr. Ozpin before he continued.

"Alas, that is all that I have for you today. Do you have any more questions?"

"No. This had been fairly information rich. I think I'll need time going over it all before I happen upon anything I need elaborated out."

"Fair enough. Well, Ms. Schnee, it has been quite the pleasure. I'll see you Thursdays at ten thirty, but in the interim, I wish you well." He smiled at her, a genuine and paternal smile. One that she couldn't help from returning.

"Thank you, Dr. Ozpin," she started as she stood to leave. "For everything."

"Until next time."

"Until next time," she repeated, and with that, her time at _Beacon_ came to a close. She felt like she was breathing new air as she made her way down the hall to retrieve her bag. Though she was still a bit tired, she felt something in the core of her that was reinvigorated, and something in her mind that was more stilled than not for a change. She had the ability to observe her thoughts as opposed to having them hastily assault her without remorse. She felt generally less irritable, significantly less angry, and she hadn't cried in sheer anguish in days upon days. She set her eyes on one of those black and white photographs as she started to descend the stairs, setting herself a mental reminder to ask Dr. Ozpin who took them when she came to see him next week. Eyes forward as she reached the ground floor, they locked onto two of her most cherished people in the world.

"Hey!" Ruby waved eagerly as she quickly approached her before tangling them together in one of her precarious hugs that left her feeling more grounded than before. She gave her a final squeeze before she pulled away, eyes brilliant, smile effortless, and hair..

"Red tips.."

"Yeah! It was a bit of a spontaneous decision, but I figured why not? I used to dye them all the time, so I decided to bring it back." She accented her whimsy with a laugh.

"I think it suits you," she credited as she noticed her sister joining them from her more reserved pace. "Where did you find this one?" Winter scooped her into a hug, bound her with love in her embrace.

"It's more accurate to say that she found me after repeatedly tying up my line." She laughed at that, leaning into her sister's steady embrace. "You seem a little pale," Winter observed as they broke away from each other.

"I had a little trouble keeping breakfast down this morning, but it's passed," she confessed. "And as much as I've liked subjecting myself to dark magic, I'm quite looking forward to going home." Winter laughed.

"Let's be on our way then. I have to sign a few more things at the desk, but I will meet you at the car shortly."

"Yes, yes," she waved Winter off with a laugh before shouldering her bag and turning to her friend. "Hey," how she didn't know she could grow to miss someone so much in a day's absence, "let's peel out of here."

"Let's do it!" The sun was warm, heat mild due to the steady breeze that rattled the leaves and caressed her skin, whisking away the chill that settled in her earlier. And here she was. As pleasant as her current circumstances were, she still felt at a bit of a crossroads, and as much as she tried to stave it off, the anxiety came back to thinly line her present moment. "Do you want to ride in the back with me?" She was startled slightly from her left. Ruby was smiling across from her.

"Sure." Ruby opened the right passenger door for her before rounding the car. She slid into the seat before depositing her bag into the front. Ruby took her place beside her shortly after. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the cushion behind her.

"How are you feeling?" Ruby inquired gently.

"I'm fine," she said as she opened her eyes to affirm that to Ruby with eye contact and a smile. "Just a little tired. Sleep was a little strange last night." She stole a glance at Ruby's hand on the seat. Her heart's pace quickened ever so slightly. Ruby opened her mouth to say something, but the driver door opened, cutting off what she was meaning to say.

"We'll stop by the pharmacy and then head home, okay Weiss?" Winter was already starting the car.

"That's fine." The car stirred into motion shortly after and her journey home was underway. Ruby was saying something to the left of her, and she was mostly engaged in the conversation, but the twists and turns of the ride were starting to revive some of her nausea from earlier. She closed her eyes and tried to focus more on Ruby's voice to help in her willing it away. The familiar chime of Winter receiving a call through the car's speaker broke into her attempts.

"Yes, Whitley," her sister answered and her stomach dropped.

 _"If you haven't finished that book Winter, I'm going to watch the movie without you."_ This was familiar to her, his and Winter's book club. She'd participate occasionally, not finding the patience for reading in herself too often, but would often sit with them and watch the movie adaptations of the book they had been reading. Well, as often as her and Whitley's present position on each other allowed. Her and Whitley's relationship had definitely deteriorated over the years. At times they could take each other's company, their interactions akin to what they were during times long past, but equally as often, if not more often, old wounds would flare up, her.. illness would take hold, and they would be back at odds. His sudden, non-physical presence was agitating her anxiety and her nausea.

"I have a few chapters before I'm finished. Surely you can wait another day," Winter laughed.

_'I advise you to stop what you're doing and finish it so we can discuss it. The author really brings the entire story to a great conclusion."_

"Curious.. but it will have to wait. I just picked up Weiss from _Beacon_ and am en route to the house." She felt Whitley skip a singular beat before he continued, just as she was sure he felt her heart skip the same beat. As twins, the primal connection they shared was ever present, binding, but it had been frayed over time causing certain severances here and there that were painful to her in a place she couldn't touch to soothe. A part of her was almost sure he felt those untouchable pains too. Almost. The tether still carried information between them despite its current state and she had lost some of her fluency in that language over time. The unknown thing that transmitted between them in that beat turned her stomach. She had to close her eyes to keep herself from retching on the floor of Winter's car as her heart's pace quickened more.

_'I suppose I'll leave you to it then. But if I don't hear back from you tomorrow afternoon about the book, I know what I'm watching before bed, dear sister.'_

"I didn't know you had a brother," Ruby whispered to her over her sister's reply. She simply smiled and nodded, having to keep her mouth closed for fear of her body betraying her.

 _'Call me later, Winter,'_ Whitley finished, eliciting a hum of confirmation from her sister as she pulled into a parking space and the call disconnected.

"I'll be back shortly," Winter imparted before she exited the car.

"Hey," she called to Ruby, an attempt to find an anchor. "Do you have your earbuds?"

"I do," she saw Ruby smile. "Gonna show me Tortoisehead?"

"Portishead," she laughed, "but yes." She pulled out her phone and queued up the album _Dummy_ as Ruby handed her the cord. Their hands brushed and she lamented the loss of the touch as it passed. Settling back as the album started she closed her eyes and lost herself to the music. Winter returned halfway through the second song and started them on the final stretch home. The music pulsed in her ear, reigning her heart in with it and bringing her down to a more relaxed state. In her trance she stole another glance at Ruby's hand as her index finger kept time and rhythm on the seat. Her head was bobbing ever so slightly, the slow tempo of the song restricting her to doing it in a certain way that was entrancing as she gazed out the window, newly red locks dancing as they were backlit by the sun. Her finger twitched a little in her sudden desire to hold her hand, but before she could gather the courage to perform such a blatant gesture, the car was angling to a stop along Peabody Avenue. She paused the music and received Ruby's earbud from her, again lamenting the separation, before wrapping the wires around her phone and gathering her bag to exit. "Finally."

"Welcome home," Winter said behind her as she went to sit at the island. Ruby slid into the seat across from her as Winter joined them. A feeling of ease washed over her that satiated a thirst she didn't know she had. She was nearly quenched. Winter sat a bag in front of her. "I'll leave this with you. There are a couple of calls I need to make, but afterward I can put together a late lunch if either of you are up for it."

"That'd be great. Thank you!" Ruby was eager to accept and happily gracious.

"Thanks. I think I could manage lunch." Winter smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead before taking the stair to the small loft area that held a small office. Turning back to the island, she began to unpack the contents. The singular plastic bag contained three smaller paper bags and a daily medication organizer, a purchase, the receipt showed, Winter had so courteously added on. Seeing the spread in front of her, she couldn't help but become a little self-conscious in front of Ruby.

"Can I help you?" She looked up at Ruby smiling across from her, request innocent and genuine. "You're going to organize them by day, right? I can help! And you can tell me about them if you want," she finished a little bashfully. She couldn't help but shake her head and smile.

"Only if you want."

"I do. Let's go." She was still smiling across from her, genuinely excited to help with the task at hand.

"This one," she said pulling out an orange bottle at random and opening the folder Dr. Ozpin gave her for reference, "I am to take every day in the morning after breakfast."

"What does it do?" She hesitated at Ruby's inquiry, a little unsure if she wanted to flesh this out as much as Ozpin did for her, but after brief consideration, she decided to share this with a person who honestly cared to be in the know, with a person she honestly cared for.

"This one.. will help stabilize my moods. What I have is called Bipolar Disorder.. it means that my moods by default can tend towards extremes, so this is to help balance that out."

"Like a..なんだっけ..like a see-saw? But when it goes up and down, the sides go too high or too low?" The analogy Ruby made in her mixed speech was so simple and concise that it took her aback in a way that relieved her. Ruby by default tended towards understanding with a certain eagerness that was a testament to her quality of being.

"Yeah.. that's a really good way to put it."

"I have a really bad story involving a see-saw I have to tell you someday," she chuckled as she pulled the organizer in front of her and opened it. "So one of those for each day. Fire away." Smiling to herself, she opened the bottle and deposited a pill into each day as Ruby opened them for her.

"This one I take in the morning with the first one. It helps a bit with some of the lows and a bit with anxiety, if I'm remembering correctly.

"わかったよ," Ruby said, eliciting a chuckle from her as she began depositing the second of her prescriptions into the organizer.

"And this one I take at night to help with the mania, when the see-saw's gone too high." Wildly fortuitous, the organizer Winter purchased had a smaller partition in each day's section that catered to her situation perfectly. Like the rest, she deposited them into each day. "And that's the last one." Ruby closed each day's lid before pushing their completed project toward her. "Do you," she found herself wanting to reach for the finger that extended furthest past the plastic of the daily organizer, "..do you want to finish listening to that Portishead album? I could also stand to rest a bit before lunch. Winter may still take a while., so I'll send her a text to fetch us when lunch is ready." Her sister had been off base the entire time she was at _Beacon_. She imagined she had quite a few calls to make.

"Sounds like a plan," Ruby agreed. Standing from the island, they made their way to her room. "I still think this is the coolest thing." She saw Ruby marveling again at all the sketches that hung about.

"If you see any you like, you can have them," she offered as she collapsed onto her bed in joyous abandon, reveling in the increased comfort her mattress had over the one at _Beacon._ "Just don't get too carried away," she teased as Ruby wandered around and started taking note of her favorites. She couldn't keep from smiling as she watched her walk about and survey the "art" she made. She warmed a little recalling that Ruby thought her an artist. Maybe she could consider it. She unraveled the tangle of cords and removed them to allow for the music to play from her phone's speaker. Setting it on a shelf just above the headboard, she waited for whenever Ruby tired of her sketches. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the mattress. The comfort and familiarity of her home, of the people who presently occupied it with her surrounded her with a sense of.. safety? She felt safe, for lack of a better word. Not that she truly felt unsafe at any point during the past week or so, but something about being home suddenly filled her with a sense of security. It was strange, but not unwelcome. The bed dipped and a warmth started beside her. "Find any you like?"

"A couple," Ruby said after settling in beside her, their hair blending on the pillows once she did. "I had to narrow it down though. Honestly, they're all pretty amazing."

"There are dozens up there. Really, you could take as many as you want. It'll make room for new ones."

"Thanks. Also, let me know if I'm wearing you out at any point. I know you said you were tired so I don't want to keep you from a nap."

"You're fine." She dismissed the notion entirely as she leaned her head onto Ruby's. Her eyes were still closed but she could feel gunmetal tuning into her. Suddenly she felt how poignant the song playing at present was.

_But I'm guilty of fear._

"Your company is always more than appreciated." And it truly was. She lowered her voice. "I like having you.. near." Her heart pulsed in her chest. Her confession was honest.

_I'm sorry to remind you,_

_but I'm scared of what we're creating._

In that moment it was the definition of truth. She adored having Ruby around. Of all the people she could have met and befriended, of all the times it could have happened.. she still couldn't wrap her head around her, but maybe she didn't need to question it for rhyme or reason. Maybe the rhyme and reason was nothing more than Ruby being a person of exceptional quality and caring, radiantly jubilant. She extended her fingers, reaching, hesitant, her pulse drummed in her ears.

_You don't get something for nothing, turn now._

_Gotta try a little harder._

Drawing a terrified breath, she turned on her side, burying her face in Ruby's shoulder as she found her hand and twined their fingers. "Thank you," she quietly spoke against Ruby's arm. Ruby's hand tightened around hers and her heart slowed briefly before its pace quickened again when Ruby turned to face her.

"What for?" Her voice was quiet, curious, _kindred._

"For being you." Her nerves were unsteady and her heart jumped wildly between various rudiments. "You've helped me realize a lot of myself.. just being who and how you are." There was a yearning in her chest, and she regretted not having the words to truly convey what she meant, what Ruby meant, to her, in this moment of rare, unabashed honesty. She had no words for it at the moment, but she had behavior. She moved closer into the warmth that radiated from her front, settling her head just under Ruby's chin and eliciting a chuckle from her.

"Your flyaway hairs are tickling my chin." Ruby was nonchalant, even as her free arm found its way around to her back, pulling her closer and playing with the shorter hairs at the base of her neck. "Weiss, you're one of the best people I've ever met. Thanks for letting me stick around." She laughed.

"I should be thanking you for that." She exhaled and relaxed into the touch as she played with the tips of Ruby's fingers, the scent of roses enveloping her. She knew this moment they were sharing meant something, but she couldn't ascribe a descriptor to it, didn't necessarily want to. She was more inclined to just experience the moment as presently as she was now able.

_You don't get something for nothing, turn now._

_Gotta try a little harder._

"I'm quite grateful for you.." Her voice was low, just barely a whisper. Ruby loosed a soft chuckle.

"私も."

_It could be sweet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading, please look forward to more, and any fireflies I receive are honored,
> 
> Ivel
> 
> Edited 9/1/20 
> 
> Fixed some typos and changed some things to reflect a better pharmacological understanding on my part, though I'm still trying to nail that down.


	10. D.S. Al Coda I

_The song was commonplace. Most knew the melody even if they didn't know the name or composer, and because of this it would most assuredly stand the test of time. A melody mankind might hum to themselves in a distant, futile future. The first movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Her mother used to play it for her when she was unable to sleep as a child, and so here she was, playing it for herself over and over again. After the fourth time through, she knew it wouldn't lull her to sleep as it so often did in her childhood. The hands that slurred over the keys now were her own, drunk on endless days of sleeplessness. The hands that could pull emotion from even the hollowest of beings were very nearly bone, she imagined, rotting a world away in Gloucestershire. That pained her the most, being unable to mourn at her mother's grave any anniversary of her death. Her father wasn't keen on returning to England, and she'd learned not to ask long ago. Resentment would occasionally burn in her heart toward him because of that. It burned in her now. She leaned into the keys of the grand piano, dynamics increasing in a slip of control, having to compensate with more volume because she inflated the pianissimo, finding that it was louder than her thoughts. She drove the volume sloppily, tears falling onto the keys. Between every sound her mind would pulse with images, words, sounds of anguish from that terrible evening. She wasn't supposed to see. She wished she'd never seen, her mother's lovely skin, tinted blue and accented by the red that dribbled from her nose. She never knew a neck was so long until it was stretched to the fullest by a length of cord and a body slack under gravity. The only thing she knew to do was to grab Whitley by the hand before he made it down the hall and divert them to her room. Now was not the time to ask Mum for ice cream. Perhaps, in retrospect, she was in shock. They had played hand games in her room for a full thirty minutes before her father's torn voice called for Klein._

_"That is_ enough _, Weiss. Let it rest." She clenched her eyes shut and played on. If there was silence, if the volume receded, she would be unable to bear it. She couldn't sit alone at the mercy of her thoughts, not tonight. "I said that is enough!" Anger burned in her for her father abruptly and with abandon. He let her die. The music stopped suddenly. Only the reverberation of the notes was suspended in the air as the piano bench slid forcefully back, scratching a scar into the floor with a painfully sharp noise that clawed at her eardrum. She descended on her father. He let her_ die _._

 _"You let her die! YOU let her die!" She was attacking him in an alien fury, trying to tear him into the pieces that she was in with her meager strength. She could feel his skin break and collect underneath her nails, the smell of whiskey that clung to his breaths as he said things she couldn't understand. Whatever dead language he was speaking was lost on her. Despite his attempts to shield himself, her hands crossed no man's land and tore at his face, drawing blood, but she was only able to see an afterimage of red as she exploded backwards. She collided with her tool of reprieve, the impact taking her breath away and riddling her side with a terrible pain as she collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Time slowed for her, yet her thoughts increased in speed as they were shaken free of the binds of language that regulated their form. Air was a resource scarce to her as she struggled to her feet. She saw nothing but her father's blue eyes. He was formless, just a gaze before her. It was impossible to discern the expression without his entire visage's presence, but the throb in her side that bowed her forward.. he pushed her? The realization startled her to her core and her amalgam of thoughts coalesced into one choir of voices that told her she_ needed _to leave, that she couldn't stay here. Despite her side's protests and her inability to catch her breath, despite the words those blue eyes lost on her, despite physician's orders, she found herself driving away from her house ._

 _She didn't have the sight for this, the detriment further exacerbated by the tears that flooded her eyes quite uncontrollably. Making the best decision she would make that night, she pulled onto the shoulder and came to a stop. Her heart raced, and dull surgical pains were forming a headache behind her left eye that pulsed just as erratically. She clenched her eyes shut only to snap them open when vague blue eyes, bodiless and indiscernible, filled her mind. He_ pushed _her. She tried again to darken the world, putting her head into her hands and resting her entire lot against the steering wheel, wincing as she leaned forward, crying still. He pushed her.. because she was tearing at him.._

_..because he let her die._

_Something was lying to her, wasn't it? Her mind was weaving conspiracies, and she couldn't falsify the night. She was driving again, unsure of reality, yet destination familiar and her objective singular despite the many directions she was pulled in. She was grieving, the lamentations of her mind singing haunting acappellas while the fury in her instigated an enraged orchestra to clash against them. A tectonic standoff that would give rise to waves inside of her capable of drowning out entire peoples. Where was she to find the chord that David played that would appease the merciless God conducting the movements that clashed inside her head?_

_He wasn't as gentle as she would prefer him to be, but more than that she preferred the rise that was starting in her and the way that rise disrupted the chaotic symphonies in her mind. She brought a hand back to reestablish a distance between their hips, to coax a more moderate pace that wouldn't aggravate the bruise forming over her left side. He was keen this time. She buried a grotesque moan of pleasure and reprieve into the cushion of her backseat as her mind was forced as blank as it was able by climax. A suspension of existence, she was neither here nor there, abandoned by time and space at a point prior to creation where thought simply could not be, as fleeting a moment as it would turn out to truly be._

" _I have a hybrid nightcap with our name on it," he breathed as they separated, making to pull her pants back around her waist once they were. "Some new flower came in that I think you'll like." He holds his hand out to her once he's gotten out of the car._

" _I didn't come by to smoke." She bypasses his hand in favor of climbing into the driver's seat._

" _Come by tomorrow. We can zone out to Dark Side of The Moon. Parents are still out of town for a month." She started her car and left. Despite the wealth of his parents, despite the intelligence he acquired from a top private school and his renown in athletics, he was still a simpleton with the hubris befitting his affluence. And despite her intent of coming here and using him as an instrument for her own satisfaction, a million thoughts coagulated to convince her that he had somehow used her more. Her stomach turned dangerously, and suddenly she was filled with an intense loathing for herself fueled by unbearable remorse, vague and all encompassing. Her foot dug into the floor. Trees rushed by and the curve in the road lay perpendicular before her, an analgesic to her tormented mind. She was told her car broke through the guard rail and flipped once. She was told that despite the bruised torso and the left orbital fracture (amongst other minor grievances), that she was lucky her injuries weren't more severe. And yet despite the heavy sedation that presently slurred her mind, despite the gratefulness she was expected to feel, despite the life she would continue to live, she was acutely aware of the fact that she had tried to die that night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy and please look forward to more,
> 
> Ivel


	11. Pink Light

"We do this every night, Ruby." She watched her friend lazily open one eye and smile at her, what features that weren't obscured by her folded arms as her head rested on top of them illuminated by the light from her own phone in her darkened room.

"I know. I like video messaging until one of us falls asleep." A wink, unintentional perhaps due to Ruby's closed eye remaining so as her arm kept it pressed shut, but she found it a bit charming nonetheless even if it was unintentional.

"Until _I_ fall asleep you mean," she returned with a smile of her own and a playful eye roll. She could already feel the pull towards sleep that taking her nightly medication resulted in. She had, at most, a half an hour before she was out. It was largely a welcome draw, the most maddening of times she endured being the ones where sleep was elusive for days upon days. She didn't miss that in the least, but sometimes she did miss staying up past nine-thirty. This was nice, though, talking to Ruby nightly for the past week before she fell into that abyssal slumber, even if they had spent their evenings together. Spending the afternoon at the park picking albums at random on Spotify to explore. Losing hours at _Vytal Records,_ a hidden gem Ruby introduced her to, going through nearly all of the CDs. Taking Ruby to see _A Rocky Horror Picture Show_ for the first time at the dollar theatre. They would say goodbye at the end of it all, only to video message each other once they'd gotten home to talk a little more before they said goodnight.

They'd grown.. closer over this shared span of time. She imagined her bold gesture the evening of her release aided in whatever was flourishing now between them. The intention, honest. She had come to care for Ruby immensely, and she tried as best she could to convey that as often as her fluctuating courage would allow. At times she would find herself oddly shy in Ruby's presence. An accidental brush of their hands over a row of CDs that left her bashful in her desire to take it in her own as she left said desire unfulfilled. A tentativeness in a few hugs goodbye. Oddly shy at times, and yet Ruby would nonchalantly bridge the gap by taking her hand briefly and giving it a firm squeeze or pulling her into one the most solid of hugs she could ever receive. The moments they've been sharing have endeared her to her friend more than she initially imagined she ever would be to this 'neighborhood stranger'. It was this intense caring she had for her friend that drew her attention to certain subtleties in Ruby's behavior the past few days that struck her as ever so slightly off. The dips in talkativeness at times and the distant stares she caught her friend in occasionally sparked a bit of concern in her. Like the distant stare she caught Ruby in now. "What's on your mind, Ruby?"

"Hm?" Ruby seemed to blink herself back to the present moment, raising her head a bit to look toward her.

"You've been a bit quiet the past few days. I could go as far to say I miss being lulled to sleep by your chatter."

"I guess I have, huh?" The smile that followed the admission was a little.. sad, lacking in most of her characteristic jubilance, but it wasn't entirely. Ruby stared into the distance again briefly before staring into her phone's camera, through to her. "July is a weird month for me.. I've been a little in my head I guess."

"My question still stands if you want to talk." Her eyes batted slowly, the pull nearly in full force as Ruby seemed to ponder her offer genuinely.

"Maybe sometime when the sun's up," she giggled. "You seem like any blink could be your last."

"There's a good chance you're not wrong." She brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes in mild frustration, the attempt futile in staving off such inevitable sleep. "I'm sorry. I want to be more awake." This was one of the few times on her medication she wished she could will herself to stay awake.

"You're fine, Weiss. No skin," Ruby assuaged.

"Still, I feel like a toddler.." Ruby laughed. "Oh, hush.." She was falling fast, voice lethargic and the lids of her eyes becoming lower with each slow blink. She'd be out like a light soon. "Are you alright, though?"

"I am. Even better now that sleepy Weiss is in the building. You say funny things when you're falling asleep."

"I do not," she rebutted a little indignantly. She attempted to scowl which only served in making Ruby laugh again. "You're a dolt.."

"I don't even know what that is," Ruby laughed.

"It means.. you're special.."

"I'll take it!"

"There's a double meaning to that.."

"I'll take two then, please."

"You're funny," she breathed, lids weighted closed as she wrapped herself around a pillow to face her propped phone. "Goodnight, Ruby. Tomorrow I'm coming to see you.." Her consciousness stopped there for the night as she was enveloped in a dark, blank slumber. Often times she could vaguely recall herself having a dream of sorts that left her feeling strangely uneasy upon waking. She would never remember the content, if there was any content. Only a feeling, or several feelings of unease that were flattened by the exhaustion she slogged her way through each morning to wake up. Sometimes she felt as though each 'dream' might have been of a recurring nature based solely on the familiarity that would twinge in her each morning, but there was never enough there for her to falsify her internal claims. A time or two she wondered if these dreams were a manifestation of her pointedly avoiding the two mountains looming over her. Whitley had been around fairly often the past week, once or twice for lunch with Winter and another couple of times for their book club. Conveniently Ruby was more than happy to be in her company whenever Winter mentioned that Whitley was coming over. And her father. That was a mountain that loomed silently. Winter's mention of him asking about her was the only time the subject had been brought to the foreground, but the reality that hung about was that her father wasn't asking again and she was definitely not making the call. It was a characteristically Schnee stalemate.

"Weiss." A voice seemed to call to her from above water. "Weiss, wake up. It's morning." How could she possibly be expected to wake when she was so terribly exhausted.

"Leave me alone.."

"I never do. Come on, you'll apologize and thank me later." How annoying.

"Go away," she snapped, though it came out as more of a groan than she willed it.

"I will not." The world grew brighter even through her closed eyes as her curtains were mercilessly pulled open. Nearly enraging.

"For the love of God.." Rolling over, she pried her eyes open as best she could to face the person accosting her. "Winter—"

"Weiss." Her sister's tone was still gentle, but had the edge of a command to it long mastered from her time in the military.

" _Fine._ " Pulling from under the covers, she rose to sit legs crossed on her bed, bringing her head to rest in her hands and she fought her way to consciousness. The degree of tiredness she felt at present was almost tortuous.

"It's eight forty-five. I made breakfast and there's coffee waiting as well." Winter's words reached her slowly and still seemed to come to her from above water.

"Thank you," she finally replied after giving herself a moment to wake more and calm herself. She must have had another vague dream. "And sorry.. I haven't been much of a morning person lately, have I?"

"Weiss, I'm not sure you've ever _been_ much of a morning person." She slid her hands down her face and looked up to see Winter exiting her room, her shoulders shaking slightly from silent laughter. Heaving a sigh, she gave herself a few more moments to allow herself to catch up to her waking state. This overbearing exhaustion upon waking was without a doubt the only true downside of her nightly medication. She hated to think of this particular side effect being a long term occurrence if it never resolved itself. She already made a mental note not to schedule any classes at eight in the morning this fall. Heaving another sigh, she stood from her bed and started towards the kitchen. Winter was already seated at the island when she arrived, a plate and a mug of coffee sitting out for her as well. Sliding across from her, Winter glanced up and she was met with an amused expression. "Good morning, Weiss."

"You seem cheerful this morning," she drawled

"Not particularly," Winter smiled.

"I'm sure.." Her first priority was caffeine. She reached for the mug, taking a sip and allowing it to warm her. "Good morning to you, as well." Winter offered her a simple hum in reply before returning to the book she had open. A little more awake now, she turned her focus to the omelet on the plate in front of her. Winter had always made a particularly good omelet and she enjoyed whenever her sister decided to do so. She finished it in silence, the only peak in the room the occasional turn of a page. Rising slowly, she trudged her way to the sink to deposit her plate before reaching for her medication in the cabinet.

"Whitley is coming over for lunch today. If you don't have plans, you should join us." She paused briefly before placing her organizer on the counter.

"Ruby and I made plans already," she half-lied as she dumped most of Monday's contents into her hand.

"Weiss—"

"Winter," she countered as she rounded the island.

"He's trying to see you, Weiss."

"No, he's not. He's coming to see _you._ If he were trying to see me, maybe his endeavor would involve _informing_ me." A head tilt, and her morning routine was completed as she knocked her medication back with a mouthful of coffee.

"I'm not entirely sure why, but it goes without saying that it's not that easy, doesn't it?" It did, and she knew that Winter knew that she wasn't wrong.

"Winter, just leave it be."

"I can't, Weiss, and I hope you can understand why I can't just leave it be."

"Winter—" Her reply was interrupted by the shattering of her coffee mug and she jumped slightly because of it. She had meant to place it back on the island, but her reach came up shy due to the lack of accurate depth perception her mismatched vision cursed her with. "I'm sorry," she said hurriedly. She suddenly remembered all the times in recent past that an object had been shattered in their home. Their conversation was growing tense, but this wasn't like before and she apologized suddenly in an attempt at forgiveness. This wasn't like before.

"Are you alright?" Winter rounded the island and was at her side near instantly.

"I am. The coffee was cool.. I'm sorry. I didn't reach out far enough.."

"You're fine. Watch your step and grab some towels while I get the broom and dustpan."

"Alright.." She did as she was told and returned to sop up the coffee as Winter corralled the fragments of the broken mug. Her mood turned and she was suddenly self-conscious, mind returning to memories from her times untreated. She didn't know why, but the trip filled her with a sadness. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"It's alright, Weiss," Winter said as she looked on her with a mixture of concern and confusion. She could feel that concern emanating from her sister as she deposited the used towels into the bin. It only served in magnifying the sadness she felt. She returned to her seat at the island and put her head in her hands. "Weiss," Winter started as she rose to her side. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she sighed. "I'm just experiencing a spike in human emotion."

"How mortal." She snorted a laugh into her hands, marveling slightly at how Winter's responses always complimented her particular brand of humor. "I'm here to listen, if you want."

"Its just, I'm remembering all the times I've broken something in this house.." Winter hummed in reply. "I guess I got ahead of myself and felt the need to apologize to let you know it wasn't because I wan angry or.. ill." She brought her hands down her face in attempt to wipe away some of her tiredness, but it was largely a futile endeavor.

"I know, Weiss," Winter reassured her before planting a kiss on her temple. "Is it something similar that's keeping you from Whitley?" Winter was keen.

"No.. yes. It's complicated."

"Be that as it may, I still want to assure you that Whitley does want to see you, to see how you're doing for himself."

" _Can_ you assure that?" She wasn't doubting her sister entirely, but she felt as though there was something she wasn't telling her.

"I can."

"How?"

"Because he has told me himself, asked about you every time he's come over and you were out. I don't know what happened between you two, but I think he feels as though he can't approach you first." Another characteristically Schnee stalemate. Somewhat. Unlike with her father, apparently Whitley has repeated his gesture. Just not to her.

"I'm.. I'll think about it Winter. Just, not today." With that she rose from the counter and made toward her room, the feeling of concerned eyes on her back as she walked down the hall. Collapsing on her bed, she curled herself around her pillow and pulled out her phone to message Ruby.

_'Good morning. Are you working today? Either way I want to come and see you. I have two thousand blinks left for the day, so I'll be wide awake if you still want to talk.'_

She relinquished her phone to the bed and closed her eyes as she waited for Ruby's reply. She was still fairly lethargic despite the strong coffee blend she had with her breakfast, but that seemed to be turning into an ongoing case. She felt the anxious weight that the Whitley sized mountain put on her and she was even more inclined to avoid addressing it after Winter's latest divulgence. A large part of her was afraid to, and an equally large part didn't know _how_ to. The last time she saw Whitley was weeks ago, and that was a less than pleasant encounter where she was ultimately the villain, ultimately the one who pushed him away. _Again._ She dozed restlessly, her thoughts preoccupied and a small wave of nausea rocking her ever so slightly. Not the exception, but not quite the rule either. This was only the second time since her release that she felt nauseous , but perhaps it was often enough to raise as a problem to Ozpin tomorrow. It wasn't until around eleven that she received a reply from Ruby.

 _'Good morning. No, not working today.'_ The reply she received seemed a little.. off. She couldn't pinpoint why, maybe the reply was a bit short or maybe she was just imagining it, but she felt so nonetheless. She would attempt to draw Ruby out, and knew exactly how to do so.

_'How has my best friend been this morning?'_

_'Best friend? :3'_ A near instant reply, and there she was.

_'Yes, best friend. I can't think of anyone else that would apply to.'_

_'I'm good! I've had a lazy morning, slept in later than usual. I didn't fall asleep until waaaaay late last night.'_

_'Video games?'_

_'No. Just thinking a lot, I guess.'_

_'About what?'_

_'July things.'_ Another reply that seemed slightly off to her. Ruby said July was a weird month for her, and she didn't want to pry if it wasn't something she wanted to talk about, but she also wanted to be there for her if something was bothering her.

 _'My offer still stands if you want to talk. You've seemed a little sad at times this past week. Just know I'm here to listen if you want.'_ It saddened her, knowing that Ruby may be feeling less than her best. She cared for her and wanted to do what she could to help lift her dear friend's spirits in any way she could.

_'Thanks Weiss. That means a lot. Yang is dragging me around with her today, so I probably won't be able to get out, but can we hang out tomorrow?'_

_'Of course. I'm seeing Ozpin tomorrow, but will be done by early afternoon.'_

_'Cool cool. Thanks again Weiss. I probably won't be able to message much, but I'll talk to you when I can.'_

_'Alright. Have good day and talk to you soon.'_

Relinquishing her phone to the bed again, she pulled her sheet over her and settled in. Between the dilemma at breakfast, the talk of her brother, and her still lingering concern for Ruby and her small, sad smiles and distant stares, she strangely felt stretched thin. She wasn't sure if her morning was particularly taxing or if her persistent tiredness was wearing away at some of her resilience. She imagined she should be feeling better than this, but as her lids grew heavy again, she relented with a sigh and gave herself to another abyssal slumber. She'd sleep through lunch today, another successful avoidance, and hopefully wake to a new message from Ruby. That girl was tugging at her heart in a way she never thought anyone would, and she wanted to follow that pull to wherever it was leading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading, please look forward to more, and all fireflies received are honoured.
> 
> Take care,
> 
> Ivel
> 
> P.S
> 
> Here’s that Birth in Reverse playlist:
> 
> [Birth in Reverse](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLahQIyJNMRgwk--Ry61bIyVMpzz_i1I0s)


	12. Either/Or

Something was sounding off, above water or in the distance, but whatever it was invaded as though is was closer than it seemed. It was vibrating the liquid deep she was submerged in and dragging her to the surface. A siren? No, that didn't have the body to move these waters, nor did she know of a being that sought to entrance her. Of course: a train bell, signaling a great mechanical beast was tearing across the land along a predetermined track. Mindless, numb, and violent. 

She woke with a start, groaning as she brought her leaden arms up to cover her head. What was that noise? Prying her eyes open she looked to her night table to see Winter's classic bell alarm clock going off beside her. She threw an arm over in an attempt to silence the damned thing, but ended up knocking it to the floor where it continued to ring. "Goddamnit Winter, why is this in here..?" She groaned again as she slowly lifted herself to a mostly upright position, picking the alarm clock up and finally ending its aural assault. Resting her elbows on her knees and still clutching the clock, she took a few deep breaths to aid in waking up and to still herself. _Another_ vague dream that riddled her with a subtle buzz of unease upon waking. Not that waking up felt much like waking up anymore. It felt more like being born, like consciousness was brand new to her and she had to work extremely hard to acclimate to it. She sighed, wondering how long she could stand being born again every morning. She didn't do too bad today she mentally noted as she focused on the face of the clock. Eight-twenty wasn't _awful_ for a morning where Winter wasn't the primary catalyst in her becoming perpendicular to her bed. She supposed she could count the small victories. She gave herself another ten minutes before grabbing her phone, pecking out a good morning text to Ruby, and starting her commitment to the day. "Winter," she drawled as she made her way down the hall, movement still subdued by fatigue and a tired edge still in her voice. "Why is that relic in my room?"

"Hey, Weiss." Her eyes snapped up and her hand ceased rubbing the sleep from her eyes when a deeper voice than she expected greeted her from the kitchen. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who it was who greeted her. Given how tired she was and the shock she was experiencing, she knew she must have had a look on her face because Whitley sat just as still at the island in the kitchen as she stood at the mouth of the hall. "Morning."

"..Good morning.." She emptily returned the greeting, a pure response to a stimulus. "Winter," she called. She'd much rather Winter be in the room so that she could fade into the background.

"She had to go back to base," Whitley started. "She called me last night and asked me if I could take you to your doctor's appointment.." Whitley trailed off at the end, most assuredly due to the fact that she was sure quite an incredulous look marred her face, a look she was quite honestly too tired to dilute.

"I'll.. I'm," was all she had the energy to manage before she turned and made her way back down the hall to the bathroom, unlocking her phone and dialing her sister on the way. Winter picked up just as she had closed the bathroom door behind her. " _Winter,"_ she hissed through gritted teeth, "I could have _arranged_ a ride."

_"Weiss, I'm sorry. You were asleep when I was called back to base last night. It wasn't my intention to spring this on you, but I would feel more comfortable if someone were to drive and accompany you this morning."_

"I'm sure I could have tipped a Lyft driver several hundred dollars to _accompany_ me to the front door of Beacon and then back to the car." She couldn't believe Winter. If she wasn't ready to see Whitley yesterday, what would lead her to believe a day passing would make a difference?

" _Weiss, please be reasonable. I know you're more exhausted in the morning than you're use to and that it takes you a little longer to get going. Having Whitley take you would put me at ease knowing that someone I could count on was doing it_.

"Winter, this does the _opposite_ of put me at ease!" She made sure to keep her exclamation at a decent volume, but gave it enough force to convey to Winter that she wasn't okay with this.

" _Weiss, please. I didn't mean to upset you and I apologize. But can you at least try to see my motivations behind it?"_ She sighed into the phone trying to force herself into a more agreeable disposition. She wasn't angry at Winter. She was more angry at the situation she abruptly found herself in, a situation she had no preparation for, and honestly, her anger was her shield against the anxiety that had already spread throughout her. If she wasn't angry, she'd be absolutely terrified.

"I can," she sighed again. "I do. I'm sorry, and I'm _not_ angry at you.. Thank you for keeping me in mind. I'm just.. it's fine. It'll be fine." She said the last part more for herself than Winter.

" _It will. I asked Whitley if he could take you, and he wanted to. Just remember what I told you yesterday,"_ Winter comforted.

"I do. Sorry for blowing up on you."

" _It's alright. And I apologize as well. I don't want you to think I have an agenda to force mend you and Whitley's relationship. It's just that he was someone I could count on to know you'd be taken care of."_

"I understand." She did, and Winter's decision wasn't something she could fault her on. "I'm going to finish my morning.. I'll call you a little later on."

" _Alright."_ The call ended. Deciding to take a moment in the silence, she sat on the commode to wrangle her thoughts. Her dissipating anger gave wave to nervousness and, with her shield lowered, a startling anxiety, waxing slowly like the moon. But she couldn't sit here forever. Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and attempted to rid herself of some worry and exhaustion with a palmful of cold water to the face before she exited back towards the kitchen.

Whitley was sitting at the island facing away from the hall when she reemerged from it. She could do this. It would be fine. Making her way to the counter, she bypassed the island and avoided looking in any direction in favor of beelining for the toaster to fix herself a bagel. "Good morning again.."

"I brought coffee," Whitley offered somewhat hastily. "Nitro cold brew seemed the best choice, if you're interested." Starting her bagel, she turned back toward the island. Whitley was holding a cup up. She noticed a pale stubble lining his jaw and chin, and that his cheeks were more defined than she ever remembered them being, changing his overall presentation from the boyish she remembered most to the handsome that became him. His expression was mostly neutral except for the quirk of a slight smile, making him seem to bear more a peace offering than simply a cup of coffee.

"Thank you.." she said as she sauntered forward, eyes low, to accept the cup from him before returning to the counter to tend to her newly risen bagel.

"..No problem." A spread of cream cheese later and she was sitting diagonal to Whitley at the island and silently eating her breakfast as he silently sipped his coffee. The silence that surrounded them couldn't necessarily be described as awkward. No, the silence they were enduring could best be described as desperate. Desperate for attention or for acknowledgement. Desperate for resolution or for oblivion. She would be fine. This could still be fine. She stood from the island to deposit her plate into the sink. She noticed Whitley lifting his head at her movement before she turned completely around, and, as she reached for her organizer in the cabinet, she hesitated as a wave of self-consciousness washed over her. She withdrew her hand back to her front, acutely aware of herself and of her brother's presence. She drew and loosed a deep breath. Could she do this? She was terribly unsure of herself suddenly. "You alright, Weiss?"

"I'm _fine_ ," she snapped and immediately cringed at her response, frustrated with herself that Whitley being present was throwing her more than she was seemingly able to handle. She heaved another deep breath, reaching up again and taking her organizer out of the cabinet. Her frustration with herself left her no room to have any patience for or understanding of herself. Perhaps her anxious urgency that compelled her to knock back her medication despite the pressure of her present self-consciousness was some sort of resolve, devoid of strength yet swollen with an imperative purpose. This same resolve that choked down that miniature cocktail was also of a kind that would have her dashing herself across the rocks or flinging herself to the gray if the circumstances were different. Despite that, it was good that it showed up because she contemplated not taking her medication at all, staving off a vulnerability, but inviting who knows what kind of consequences. She shivered, deciding not to dwell on the concept. "Sorry. I'm just.. _tired."_ Her tiredness was understated. She was exhausted. _Still_ exhausted, and she'd argue that her morning thus far had been draining her of the little energy she was able to accumulate. "Sorry," she said again, grabbing her coffee. "I'm going to start getting ready."

"Your appointment is at 10:30?" Whitley asked just as she passed the island.

"Yeah." She couldn't be more glad to be back in her room as she sat on her bed and heaved yet another sigh, albeit a more shaky one this time. She turned her attention to the coffee in her hands. She couldn't say Whitley wasn't trying. He was being amiable, something he always was until given a reason to be otherwise. She ran a hand through her hair, taking a drink from her caffeinated beverage once her hand came to he end of her locks before gathering her things to shower.

Letting the warm water wash over her, she hoped it would carry down the drain some of the power her troubled thoughts and feelings were exerting over her. Despite her.. illness being treated, she still felt fragmented in ways, still at a loss for control. She felt she was either still in between two lives or cultivating a new one altogether, and she had yet to really realize that she was having trouble reconciling with all of it. She only felt frustration and impatience. And anger toward herself at times. Reseating her toothbrush, she stared long and hard at her reflection in the newly replaced mirror, refraining from thinking thoughts that were thoroughly unproductive for her right now and psyching herself up to climb the mountain that had just appeared in front of her. If she could make it just over the peak, she could just plunge the descent and run it as credit. But maybe her day need not be so dramatic. Everything was going fine given her sudden circumstance. She just needed to keep herself from being 'the reason otherwise'. Dressed and as ready as she would be, she retrieved her coffee and returned to the kitchen. "It's a bit early still," she started from the mouth of the hall, eliciting her brother's attention "but I'm ready whenever you are."

"I'm fine to leave now. We can get there with fifteen or more minutes to spare." Standing from the island, she took notice of her and Whitley's difference in height. She smirked to herself, remembering times when he was shorter than her. Grabbing her satchel and her keys, they exited through the front and climbed into Whitley's black BMW. "You can put some music on if you want. There's an AUX cord down there," Whitley offered with a gesture of his free hand. She silently accepted his offer, uncoiling the cord and connecting it to her phone. She felt in the mood for something comforting, yet melancholy. A gentle, yet driving acoustic progression flowed through the speakers, soothing her from the inside out. Resting her head against the window, she stilled a subtle wave of nausea that stirred inside her. Perhaps she should have opted for amore complete breakfast.

_Someone's always coming around here trailing some new kill._

_Says, 'I've seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill'._

_What's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill._

"So glad to meet you, Angeles." Her eyes were closed throughout the intro as her head rested on the window, but Whitley just barely singing along to the first chorus as it broke caught her attention. She turned to look at him, his eyes still forward as he drove and his finger keeping subtle time with the song on the steering wheel.

"You're familiar with Elliott Smith?"

"I am," he answered. It seemed the conversation was to stop there. "My.. friend sat me down and really introduced me to him a while ago. Turns out I recognized a few songs from somewhere," he finished, a smile just barely on his lips. She half-hummed in response before a yawn overtook her, smiling to herself afterward as she closed her eyes and laid her head against the window again. She was that somewhere, once upon a time. Despite how the conversation dissolved where the music carried on, the air surrounding them wasn't as thick as it was a few minutes prior. And all because of a simple exchange. Familiarity. An old pattern.

Twenty minutes later Whitley pulled into the car park off to the left of _Beacon's_ main entrance. It had only been just over a week since her stay at the inpatient facility ended, since she last talked to Dr. Ozpin, though it felt as though a much greater amount of time had elapsed since she left. Almost like a lot had gone on to warp the time. In a way, a lot had happened, and in another way, her past week had been rather uneventful aside from the time she spent with Ruby. She checked her phone, what time it was only a partial motivation. She lingered on the screen of her phone, most notably marked by the absence of a particular notification.

Despite the routine they had established for themselves over the past week, last night she and Ruby didn't video message each other before they went to bed. She was almost sure that since they were unable to text each other while Ruby was out with her sister, they would wind down their days as usual. But Ruby never got back to her, even after she poked her friend with a short message and a couple of links to songs she thought she would like before, finally, a message goodnight. Concern stirred in her, lightly fluttering somewhere between her abdomen and her chest. She hadn't known Ruby long, but for the time she did know her, she knew there was something to this radio silence. She hoped that whatever July was to Ruby, it was treating her kind enough in her absence. Kind enough until she was able to see her again. She wanted to focus those distant stares and pull the sadness from those small half-smiles, twine their fingers together into a nervous braid as their pulses fluttered against one another's in their palms. She just.. wanted to hear from her.

"Should I wait out here?" Whitley's voice startled her from her thoughts. It was about that time, she supposed.

"No.. it's a bit hot out here. There's a place to wait inside." She finished the remainder of her coffee before getting out, a singular beep following behind them as Whitley locked the car as they made their way to the entrance. The rail that lined the concrete steps into the three story building was black iron, warm to the touch from the summer heat as they ascended them. The polished and immaculately maintained hardwood floor greeted her when she crossed the threshold into the building and to the reception desk off to the left.

"Good morning," a kindly older woman greeted. "Are you here for visitation?"

"Good morning," she returned. "No, I have an appointment with Dr. Ozpin at 10:30."

"Name?"

"Weiss Schnee."

"Thank you. If you could sign in here for me first, you can take this badge and go ahead and head upstairs.

"Alright," she confirmed. "And it's fine for my brother to wait here until I'm finished?"

"Of course. The visitor's lounge is just there," the woman directed. "Dr. Ozpin should be ready for you, but in the off-chance he isn't, there's a waiting area just across from his office.

"Thank you," she said before taking the badge and making towads the visitor's lounge, Whitley falling into step with her once she was closer. "I shouldn't be more than an hour, depending."

"I'll be hanging out," he said before they parted ways, him into the lounge and her up the stairs.

Familiar black and white photographs greeted her as she ascended the steps and went down the hall. They were truly magnificent. Inspiring even as she often thought of how she could convey what the photographs did in her sketches. Her arrival was marked by the most familiar photograph: a bridge illuminated at night, captured through a car window dotted with raindrops that creating a stunning bokeh effect all over the image. She had seen this picture the most during her stay and perhaps that played a part in it being her favorite. Seeing the large wooden door as invitingly ajar as it always was, she knocked. "Please, come in," Ozpin's voice called from inside. "Good morning, Ms. Schnee," he greeted her with an easy smile. "It's good to see you. How have you been?"

"Good morning," she greeted in return as she sat across from him. "I've been alright. I've had a good week ultimately. My only complaint is that I've been tired most days, but the pros outweigh the cons right now."

"I see. I take it your nightly medications is leaving more to be desired in terms of energy in the morning."

"It is. I also find it hard to stay awake for more than thirty minutes after I take it. That'd be a more petty complaint if I had the energy for it." She laughed to herself, idly remembering when she'd fallen asleep on the couch one of her first days home trying to watch a movie with Winter.

"Perhaps," Dr. Ozpin chuckled. "Has the tiredness decreased or changed any as the week's progressed?"

"No," she shrugged. "It hasn't changed at all since I've started it. It's just been somewhat overbearing. Some days it's easier to get through it to start my morning routine, but that's not often the case."

"I see.." He seemed to contemplate something briefly before continuing. "Have you experienced any nausea this past week?"

"I have. Nothing debilitating, just a discomfort that will sometimes line my day."

"I see," he said again, taking a moment to think to himself before he continued. "One of your morning medications my be causing conflict with your nightly medication. Your nightly medication is one that I want to titrate up to a more effective dosage, but that could pose some problems if the side effects aren't diminishing over time."

"Which means?"

"A slight change needs to be made to your schedule of medication to promote its effectiveness." He concluded. Perhaps it was naïve of her, given they spoke on the trial and error aspect of finding the right combination of medicine, but a part of her thought it was something that wouldn't be altered until further down the line. "Before you leave today, I will put together a folder for you. In short, I'm wanting to wean you off of one medication to see if that helps with the tiredness and nausea you've been experiencing."

"And increasing the dosage of the one I take at night? I'm a little wary of potentially being _more_ tired," she finished, not a fan of the possibility in the slightest.

"That is something I won't change until a baseline can be established for what you are already taking. When it does increase, you will experience some tiredness as your body acclimates to the increased dosage, but seeing as it hasn't acclimated to the present dosage, I'm not inclined to increase the dosage until the current issues have been resolved."

"I see.." She didn't presume to know what devising schedules of psychiatric medications for people entailed, but she was appreciative of the fact that Dr. Ozpin did seem to take a lot into consideration when doing so.

"We'll discuss that more before you leave today, but first, you've had a good week, yes?"

"I have," she confirmed. "I've established a morning and nightly routine for myself which has helped me a lot. I'm getting a decent amount of sleep as well, which is a breath of fresh air considering how little sleep I tended to get beforehand. My sister has been one of the greatest helps. She spent most of the week with me at home, helping me in the morning when its harder to get going and making sure that I have a decent breakfast before I take my medication. Honestly, I feel all of this would have been much harder without her."

"That's good to hear. Your sister struck me as someone of great caring when she first approached me, a solid foundation for a good support system for you."

"She has been," she agreed. "My friend Ruby has been a great help in that department as well. I haven't known her for long, actually met her when I wasn't at my best, but.. she hasn't treated me any differently throughout the entire time I've known her. She's even gone so far to take an interest in what I'm going through."

"She sounds like a very compassionate individual," Ozpin smiled.

"She is, and I couldn't be more grateful. She and Winter have helped.. normalize my situation, if that's the right word to use for it. There have been times when I've been self-conscious about taking medication in front of them, or about my past behavior, but they've helped me not to feel ashamed, I guess. I don't know." She paused, ruminating on all of the comforts and discomforts she had felt the past week and beyond. "My.. brother was actually the one who brought me to my appointment. Winter needed to return to base, so she asked him if he could take me. Given what little I've told you about my relationship with him, I'm sure you can guess that it has been a bit of a stressor this morning."

"I can see how that has been a source of unease for you, yes," Dr. Ozpin affirmed. "Does your sister's trust in him for such a task and his willingness to help say anything to you, in terms of his motivations, so to speak?"

"They do, I guess," she stated. "Winter has told me he's been asking about me whenever they've seen each other. I've been making a point to avoid him whenever she's let me know he's coming over, but I couldn't necessarily do that today. We've both been.. agreeable, and he brought us coffee this morning. It's just.. he's trying and I'm not sure I know how to try in return. A part of me.. misses him. We're fraternal twins, we grew up as together as two siblings could, but.. I've never been a good sister to him. At least not in the past four years or so, and I don't know how to reconcile with him. I don't even know how to reconcile with _myself,_ " she confessed. _"_ I still feel like I'm in the middle of two different lives, three if you count the one I'm creating from all the salvage from the other two. I just, I don't know where to _begin_ in order to make it right so I don't try. Sometimes I feel selfish wanting to because I'm the one who pushed _him_ away."

"It isn't selfish to want to mend your relationship with your brother," Ozpin said. "That you are so conscious about your relationship now and what led it here says that you are taking great care where it is concerned. May I suggest speaking candidly with him as you have spoken with me? Him asking about you and actively trying to assume a small role in your wellness say he's wanting to bridge the gap. Perhaps he is simply at a loss for how best to try and needs a little understanding that only you can provide."

"I see.."

"I think you are working with better odds than you may realize, Ms. Shcnee." She nodded her head, contemplating everything Dr. Ozpin had just said to her. "Our time is almost at an end for today, so I'd like to go over the changes to your schedule of medication more in depth." She was thankful that Ozpin was printing her another handy folder to take with her as her mind was too preoccupied to do more than _sort of_ follow along. From what she was able to gather in her distracted state, she'd be taking a certain pill from Friday and Saturday, splitting them down the middle to spread over four days, and then on the fifth day, she wouldn't take it anymore. That effectively gave her four days of reducing the dosage, and three of finally removing it from her system before she saw Ozpin next. "Lastly, I've scheduled two appointments for you to get some bloodwork done." Pulling two freshly printed papers from beneath his desk, he placed them in the folder. "The first will be tomorrow afternoon, and the second will be Tuesday morning. The topmost papers provide greater details about when, where, and which doctor you will be seeing."

"Alright," she confirmed.

"Before we part for the day, is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Nothing that I can think of. You've given me a lot to consider."

"In that case, it has been a pleasure Ms. Schnee," he smiled. "Until next time."

"Until next time," she repeated before leaving his office. He gave her a _great_ deal to consider. Speak candidly.. Her nervousness was surfacing just thinking about the notion of having a candid conversation about her.. illness with Whitley, and she supposed her greatest fear was not being understood. She didn't expect to be assuaged of most of what plagued her: the guilt, the responsibility for her actions, or the anger that bubbled at times in remembrance. No, she didn't expect that to go anytime soon. She could only resolve herself to _try_ and iron out some of the years old wrinkles that mussed up many aspects of her life, and suspend any expectations she had.

Finding herself back in the first floor lobby she remembered that she wanted to ask Dr. Ozpin about the black and white photos. Supposing she could just ask him next week, she made her way to the visitor's lounge, rounding the doorframe just enough to flag Whitley down. "Hey."

"Hey," he returned as he got to his feet and started toward her. "Ready to go?"

"I am," she said starting toward the front, Whitley falling into step beside her. "I just need to return my badge." They walked to the kindly receptionist so she could hand off her badge. She bid them farewell with a smile before they made their way back to the car. On the way home, Whitley had taken the opportunity to provide the soundtrack for the ride, electing to go with a selection of rhythmic instrumentals that picked up where the tone of Elliott Smith had left off. They rode in silence for ten minutes, the words of Dr. Ozpin reverberating in her head. She supposed now was a time for her to try. "Hey, Whitley?"

"What's up?"

"I.. thank you. For taking me today. I appreciate it.."

"Don't worry about it. I'm happy to help." The conversation seemed as though it would stop there. "I've.. been wanting to see how you've been doing.." His voice was quiet, a little unsure. Perhaps he _was_ at as much of a loss as she was.

"I've been fine," she said with a shrug. Silence followed. She wasn't sure what more she could say. She felt vulnerable, unsure, and a little uneasy.

"Weiss, I want you to know that I care about you," Whitley started. "When Winter left me that voicemail last month telling me the state she found the house in and that she hadn't heard from you and didn't know where you were, asking me to call her and let her know if I had seen you, I.. just the uncertainty of it all." He face was serious stone, an edge of sadness apparent in the downturn of his mouth and the furrow in his brow. He looked like their father. "I had to face the possibility that we might have lost you. That _I_ might have lost you, and that was something I didn't know how much it would hurt to feel. I'm sorry I left the way I did that night. It was easier for me to be angry at you for what you said and how you worried Winter and I than it was to acknowledge that you were hurting, _were_ hurt and I was _afraid_ , and the one day out of two weeks that I was in the know could have been any of the other days I wasn't, or Winter wasn't. It just.. It scared me, and it was easier to be angry than afraid."

Hearing all of this from Whitley was a little.. shocking, and similar. Just this morning she defaulted to being angry to avoid being afraid. The easier option. "I'm sorry.. for everything," she murmured. Out of everything that had run through her mind the past month, the extent of his and Winter's fear and what they had gone through had never formulated fully in her mind. She felt guilt well up inside of her.

"You've apologized to me before, for certain things, but now.. I don't think there's anything for you to apologize for now," Whitley said.

"Saying that is one thing, but I feel.. ashamed about who I've been and what I've done for god _knows_ how long," she confessed "It's hard, being stuck in between to different lives that are both mine. I can't reconcile anything, but I have to take responsibility for everything when I don't _know_ who I am or who I have been." God, she didn't want to cry and yet here she was, hands to her face in a desperate attempt to obscure the anguished tears she was spilling forth. Dr. Ozpin's advice somehow morphed into her being downright vulnerable. "It's just.. hard," she said after a minute as she wiped away stray tears, "and I don't know if this is ever going to get easier."

"Weiss.." Whitley started before he trailed off. She couldn't fault him for not knowing what to say considering she just dumped a lot on him all at once and then cried. They were pulling in front of her and Winter's home now after having spent the last several minutes of the drive in silence. She supposed this is where they would leave it for the day.

"Thank you again, for driving me," she said as she opened her door and moved to get out.

"Weiss, wait." Whitley exited the car and rounded the front to where she now stood. When he arrived in front of her, he enveloped her in a strong and complete embrace. Taken aback for just a moment, she returned the embrace in kind and cried softly into his chest. "I love you, you know that? I want you to know that I love you, no matter what, okay?" She nodded her head in understanding, unable to use her voice at present because it was subdued by emotion. They remained that way for several minutes as her tears gradually came to a stop. Of all the expectations she had and suspended, this wasn't one of them. If this is what a little trying got her, then she could try a little more.

"I have another appointment tomorrow," she said as she pulled back a bit, keeping her eyes low. "Do you think you could take me?"

"I can. Do you think I could take you to lunch? I want to talk more, if that's okay?"

"That' fine," she agreed, looking up to meet his eyes. So like Winter's, so like _hers_. "I'd like that."

"Okay," he said, a slight smile on his lips. "I'd hang around today, but I promised a friend I'd come see them," he explained as they separated from their embrace.

"I'll send you more information about my appointment in a little bit," she finalized before stepping towards the walk to her door.

"Okay. I'll see you later, Weiss." She waved to him as he got into the car and left before making her way inside. As unexpected as that all was she'd be lying if she said it wasn't refreshing and cathartic. She sat at the kitchen island, her head full of what just transpired between her and Whitley. Maybe this third life she was creating would be one worth working hard for.

She took out her phone for the first time in an hour or more, and she was happy to find that a somewhat recent message from Ruby greeted her in her phone's notification panel.

' _Good morning. Sorry I was absent most of yesterday :( I'm still down to hangout today though.'_

Bypassing the time it would take to send and then receive a reply, she pressed the call button.

" _もしも_ _—_ _Uh, I mean, hey Weiss!"_

"If I were to order a pizza, what would you want on it and would you be able to get here before it arrived?"

" _Oh, oh! Cheese with extra cheese!"_

"That's it?" She chuckled at Ruby's excited presence over the phone, glad to hear her friend's good spirits in her voice.

" _Yes! But don't order it yet. Yang tricked me into helping her out at Qrow's so I'm stuck here until three."_ She checked the time on her phone. It was nearing one in the afternoon. _"I'll be able to head over after and then we can pizza!"_

"It's a date then," she said before she could stop herself, opting to hastily cover up what she just said with more words. "I'm going to take a nap since you'll be a couple more hours, but I'll leave the door unlocked for you just in case I'm still asleep when you get here."

" _Okay. I gotta go, Yang's shooting me murder eyes cause I have a line, but I'll see you soon!"_

"Bye," she laughed before ending the call. Getting up from the island she walked to the living room and flopped onto the couch. Curling around a pillow, she set herself an alarm for two forty-five with two ten minutes snoozes. Hopefully she wouldn't sleep through it, but in the chance she did, she imagined Ruby would wake her up when she got here. She started to doze off pretty immediately, reeling a bit from lingering tiredness from this morning and her heart to heart with Whitley. She almost still couldn't believe how today went for her. She was more at ease now than she was this morning, and while all of their issues weren't solved, they were in a better place now to move forward than they had been in a long time. She fell into a dreamless sleep, one that was mostly pleasant, but one that still buzzed with subtle unease. Lights popped behind her eyes in that abyssal slumber and she thought she heard a familiar tone just brief enough for it to possibly have been imaginary. She turned, further curling herself around the pillow in her sleep as gentle whispers called to her from somewhere.

"Heeeya Weiss." She felt someone tenderly running their fingers through her bangs, lifting her from the sleep that consumed her. "Hey, Weiss, let's hang out." Another gentle whisper. Her eyes opened slowly, barely at the coercion back to consciousness. Red tips.

"Ruby," she drawled as the world slowly came more into focus. "I guess I missed my alarm, huh?"

"Maybe a little," Ruby laughed softly from the floor beside her as she withdrew her hand. "Did you sleep okay? You seemed like you could have been having a bad dream when I came to wake you up."

"No," she said as she curled more around her pillow. "I mean yes. No I wasn't having bad dream rather. How're _you?"_ Her voice had a tired edge to it, but she managed a small, exhausted smile.

"I'm fine. Sorry I didn't message you yesterday. By the time yang and I got back home, it was close to ten and I was _dead_ tired. I also figured you'd already run out of blinks for the day so I went straight to bed," she laughed.

"Well you weren't wrong," she chuckled as she heaved herself upright, bringing her hands to her face to rub her eyes before running them through her hair. "It might go without saying, but I did find myself missing my best friend yesterday."

" _Aw!"_ Ruby hopped up to sit next to her on the couch before launching at her for a hug. "I missed you too!"

"I see," she laughed as she returned Ruby's hug. They settled back into the couch, pulling apart from the embrace ever so slightly as her arm rested over Ruby's shoulder and pulled her close, absentmindedly playing with the red tips of her hair. Ruby left an arm wound around her back and used the other to play with the cardigan sleeve draped over her shoulder. "I'm glad to see you're in better spirits today. I've concluded that I'm not really a fan of those sad smiles.."

"I am.. Yang took me hiking yesterday. It was _hot_ , but it was fun. She kinda noticed I'd been a little sad and wanted to cheer me up."

"I'm still here to listen, whenever you want to talk. No pressure though, but I wanted to make sure you know I'm around."

"Thanks Weiss, really. But today, I could use pizza if that offer still stands."

"It does," she laughed as she used her free hand to pull out her phone and open up a food service app. "So, cheese and more cheese for you. No toppings?"

"Nope! What're you getting?"

"Chicken parmesan with a garlic base."

"Sounds good," Ruby nodded.

"Anything for dessert?"

"Dessert?" Ruby seemed to perk up at that. "What do they have?"

"Hm.. brownies, cheesecake and.. a chocolate chip cookie dessert pizza?"

" _That one!_ I mean, heh, definitely that one."

"I _definitely_ heard you the first time," she laughed as she finalized the order and placed it. "Should be here in thirty to forty minutes."

"Sounds good," Ruby nodded again.

"Do you want to help me with something while we wait?"

"Sure. What do you need me to do?"

"Follow me," she said as she disentangled herself from Ruby to stand. Walking to the island where she left the folder Ozpin gave her, she pulled out the instruction sheets he gave her. "My Doctor is changing up my medication a bit. I was wondering if you'd read the instructions to me while I got everything together."

"I can do that," Ruby agreed taking the papers and sitting at the island. While Ruby sat and read the instructions to herself, she gathered her organizer from the cabinet and a small knife before sitting across from her friend. "Ready?"

"I am."

"Okay! So this says to take, uh," she turned the page to her and pointed at the name of the medication she was supposed to halve instead of attempting to pronounce it, "this one, cut two in half and spread that over four days."

"Okay.. That one is," she stood and went to get the corresponding bottle from the cabinet, "this one." Sitting back down at the island she fished all of them from her organizer, returning all but two to the bottle. Carefully, she cut each pill in half down the indentation that already had them split in halves. "There."

"Why is your doctor changing your medicine?

"He thinks this one might be interfering with the one I take at night," she explained. "My body hasn't gotten used to taking it as much as it should have. He suggested the interference might be why it's still making me as tired as it did when I first started taking it. Could you put those in Friday through Monday for me while I put this back?"

"Sure thing." Ruby seemed contemplative as she put the halves away. Her gaze lingered on her friend for a moment more before she moved to return the bottle to the cabinet. "Hey, Weiss?" She hummed, turning to see a rare look of seriousness on Ruby's face as she returned to the island. "Is it scary for you? Going through all of this, I mean?"

"It is, and it's been hard, but.. I think the way it was before terrifies me more, though it's difficult going through this now as blindly as I am. I'm not sure where I'd be if I didn't have people around that cared enough to be here for me." She lowered her eyes, suddenly bashful. Ruby was one of those people for her and she honestly didn't know how all of this would be if she hadn't stepped out to sit with her that night in front of Qrow's. She didn't want to know how different this all would be if Ruby wasn't there the next day, wearing her TMGE shirt, treated her as though the night before was an incident so isolated that she deserved the benefit of the doubt.

"I.. lost a friend. From Japan, last year in July." Ruby's soft, sad admission captured her attention in a way that gripped her. She looked on her friend whose slumped shoulders, bowed head, and fiddling fingers let on the weight of what she was sharing. "She.. was going through a lot, and sometimes I get sad thinking of how scared she must have been. I just wish I could have been there for her, y'know?"

"Ruby," she started before she saw Ruby wipe at her eyes. Something swelled within her at the sight of Ruby crying, at the thought of gunmetal dulled and pained and that beautiful smile quivering over shaking breaths. "Can I hug you?" She questioned carefully.

"Weiss hugs are pretty great.." Before she knew it she had swiveled Ruby's stool and pulled her into an embrace, one that would do her friend's own justice with how solid a hug it was, and tender.

"I'm sorry you lost your friend, Ruby.."

"It's okay," she sniffed, pulling away just enough to wipe her eyes with one hand, and holding on to the hug with the other.

"Is that 'July things'?"

"One of them. I lost my mom eleven years ago in July too. That one is a little easier, but this year I just miss them both, and then I miss them a lot at the same time.." Ruby trailed off, wiping at her eyes a little more as her breath caught in her throat.

"I'm sorry, Ruby.." She couldn't bring herself to say anything more at the moment, tears forming in her own eyes as she hugged Ruby, heartbroken at her friend's sadness. She didn't know what she could say, so she decide to just hold her. They stayed that way for several minutes as Ruby's breaths evened out and her sniffs became less frequent. "I'm here for you.." she whispered, an honest confession with hidden depths.

"Thanks, Weiss," Ruby said as she pulled away, bringing both of her hands up to wipe away the last traces of her tears. "Sorry, I kinda cried all over your shirt," she chuckled.

"I'll live," she said with a smile, glad that Ruby's sense of humor was poking through.

"Thanks for listening, and letting me be sad and stuff," Ruby said bringing gunmetal, swimming, yet at ease to meet piercing blue, a small, grateful smile on her face.

"Always," she said. "Let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"I mean, you already have with pizza."

"You're funny," she dismissed.

"Honestly, my two favorite foods are pizza and chocolate chip cookies. There's _literally_ a chocolate chip cookie pizza on the way to _that_ door!" She laughed as Ruby punctuated her point by gesturing towards the door.

"All I did was order it."

" _Exactly._ My best friend ordered me— _us,_ a chocolate chip cookie _pizza._ That might make you the _best_ best friend in the whole universe."

"The whole universe?"

"The _whole_ universe." She laughed and rolled her eyes playfully at Ruby's antics. The girl was rather sweet.

"If you say so," she said as she made her way to the living room. "Do you want to watch a movie or a show when the pizza gets here? I have.. Amazon Video, Hulu, and Netflix on the Playstation."

" _Playstation?"_ Ruby asked her that as though she couldn't believe her ears.

"Yes? My brother suggested Winter and I get one once upon a time for media purposes."

"I get that, but its mostly for _game_ purposes!"

"I've never played a game on it." Ruby seemed taken aback by that.

"We could play games together though! I have one at my house, we could totally co-op!"

"Co-op?" The notion of playing vide games on this.. Playstation was lost on her, but Ruby's zeal for them potentially playing video games together was amusing. "I'll.. consider it, but today we're watching something. You pick."

"Fiiine," Ruby relented as a bell sounded throughout the flat. " _Yes!"_

"Pick something while I get the door," she laughed. Receiving the order, she walked it to the counter to place it down. Being in a particularly good mood, she tipped the driver generously on the app. "One or two slices?"

"One of each please," Ruby called back as she scrolled through various genres and shows on Netflix. "Have you seen _Aggretsuko_?"

"I haven't," she replied as she sat two plates on the glass topped coffee table.

"It's pretty good! I hope you don't mind a cartoon."

"Not at all," she smirked. The coffee table was the perfect place and height to eat as they watched television. She had to admit the show was funny, especially how the main character sang heavy metal at karaoke, leading her to believe that Ruby's overall taste level for things was greater and more kindred than she knew. "I feel like you'd like Brooklyn Nine-Nine."

"Don't forget that. I want you to introduce me to it one day," she said standing from her place at the table. "Can I take your plate?"

"Yeah, thanks." She watched as Ruby skipped back to the island, depositing the crusts into the trash can before opening the box she'd surely be dying to open since it arrived. "Do you want cookie pizza?"

"I'll pass for now. I _may_ have actually bought that for you."

"I knew it," Ruby beamed retaking her seat next to her, though sitting a little closer this time. "And the award for Universe's _Best_ Best Friend goes to.. Weiss Schnee." Ruby gave her a smile before starting on her cookie.

She looked at Ruby with a contented smile of her own. Ruby was dynamic and radiant in a way that was honest and compassionate, strong yet unabashed about her vulnerabilities, genuine and innocent. Something fluttered between her abdomen and her chest as she watched Ruby effortlessly being herself. Her eyes were alive, the wells of vitality and jubilance hinted in that nameless color of gunmetal she found she loved looking at. Her heart jumped, and a nervousness started in her. She turned her gaze from her cookie munching friend back to the television, but she couldn't bring herself to focus on the show. Her heart pulsed in her chest and swelled with ambiguous emotion; this nervousness was familiar. She stole another glance at her friend, and very immediately stole it back once her eyes honed in on Ruby's smiling lips.

She realized suddenly that she'd rather like that, kissing Ruby Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please look forward to more, and all fireflies received are honored,
> 
> -Ivel
> 
> P.S
> 
> Here’s that Birth in Reverse playlist:
> 
> [Birth in Reverse](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLahQIyJNMRgwk--Ry61bIyVMpzz_i1I0s)


	13. D.S. Al Coda II

_"Winter, this does the_ opposite _of put me at ease!"_

"Weiss, please," she plead with her sister as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew this turn of events would be upsetting for her, but she didn't necessarily foresee to what extent. And yet, it couldn't be helped. "I didn't mean to upset you and I apologize. But can you at least try to see my motivations behind it?" A tired sigh drifted over the line, one that sounded far too exhausted as she imagined the familiar curl in her sister's shoulders that had become the rule and not the exception in her mornings as of late.

" _I can,"_ came another tired sigh. _"I do. I'm sorry, and I'm_ not _angry at you.. Thank you for keeping me in mind."_ She was relieved at that. _"I'm just.. it's fine. It'll be fine."_ She felt that last utterance wasn't for her.

"It will," she reinforced. "I asked Whitley if he could take you, and he wanted to. Just remember what I told you yesterday," she comforted.

" _I do. Sorry for blowing up on you."_

"It's alright," she assuaged. "And I apologize as well," she offered over a slight twinge of guilt. "I don't want you to think I have an agenda to force mend you and Whitley's relationship. It's just that he was someone I could count on to know you'd be taken care of," she admitted.

" _I understand."_ More relief. _"I'm going to finish my morning.. I'll call you a little later on"_

"Alright." The call ended there and she placed her phone on the surface of her desk before relaxing back into her chair. The past month and change had been a taxing affair, undoubtedly for her sister and most certainly for her brother, but as she gave herself to the silence of her office, the weight of how taxing it was for her was something she finally allowed herself to dissect fully. Terror and helplessness wasn't something she found herself entertaining often in her thirty years of life, but over the past month she had found herself quite entangled in those states in ways she would never have thought possible. She found herself casting the blame over her own shoulders for being blind to Weiss' suffering, for not seeing that something was wrong, but Dr. Ozpin was able to succinctly assuage her of some, if not most of that guilt when they spoke before her transfer to Beacon. 'Help can only be given when we know it is needed,' he had said to her. 'And you were there right when she needed you to be.'

She sighed and allowed herself that peace, turning her focus to the few photographs that adorned her desk. The first was a photo of her, Weiss, and Whitley, taken by their attendant Klein in the gardens of their small country house in England about a month before she left to attend the US Naval Academy.. about a week before their mother passed. She would often treat her siblings to a picnic in the gardens in the months leading up to her departure, wanting to spend as much time with them before a world separated them and all she had were letters and phone calls. She loved the photo because the three of them looked so happy and carefree in the candid capture, picturesque of youth: Whitley's surprised and comedic expression in response to Weiss attempting to feed him a spoonful of chocolate pudding only to nearly miss and cover most of his nose with it, Weiss' surprised and toothy laughter at her mishap, and her own laughter obscured slightly by her hand at her sibling's antics. They were still children then, carefree and innocent, but that would change, _they_ would change not long after, and she would be a world away becoming a soldier, split in two as she was by the grief of separation and loss.

The second was a photo of her and Weiss (the family now stateside) when she had come to visit them on leave, her sister absolutely beaming as she embraced her, her own mannerisms a bit subdued from her time in the military, yet joy still radiated from her. She and Whitley were in.. ninth grade, if she remembered correctly. It was before Weiss had her scar. That _terrible_ scar. She had never fully gathered what had happened, perhaps even neglected to despite the pieces scattered about that she could put together if she wanted to know the truth. But even after all this time she had decided not to. Something about it all was private, and this privacy was something she decided to respect. Officially, all she knew was that her sister's injury was sustained by glass from a mirror, that it would leave a lifelong scar, and that she would never truly see out of that eye again.

' _I'd rather you throw another mirror at me!'_

The third was two photos in a small, obtuse, v-shaped frame that made a horizontal diptych of Weiss and Whitley's senior portraits. Whitley was captured as a dashing young man, features not as jagged as they were today, but they did detail that handsomeness that would become him as he grew into the young man he was today. Hair neatly combed and his features placid, yet commanding of attention. He looked _so_ much like their father. Weiss, still without her scar in the photo (though it loomed not too far in the future from when this was taken), was beautiful, elegant and poised in her presentation of herself. He long hair trailed behind her against the dark background and her black dress, with a singular braid trailing over her shoulder and down her front. She had marveled, when she first saw the photo, at how much she and Weiss resembled each other, but also at how the subtleties of her features and the expression on her face in the photo showed how much she resembled their mother as well.

With an involuntary sigh she turned her attention to the fourth and final frame on her desk. Willow Schnee sat with her hands clasped elegantly in her lap, that elegance and poise present in Weiss in her senior portrait a recreation of the elegance and poise that Willow exhibited in this photo. This photo was without a doubt her most favorite portrait of their mother, her staff portrait from when she taught poetry at a small University in England. The deep royal blue dress that she wore, the one that accented her eyes so as her fair, shoulder length hair framed her face, hung in the back of her closet at home. An heirloom of sorts. It was a simple photo, but there was a certain regality about it, a regality about _her_ that was captured in that portrait that was so quintessentially her. So much so that she could never gaze at that picture without experiencing a pang of loss and yearning for a world were her mother still lived and breathed. And more recently, a pang of terror when she looked at that photo and saw Weiss reflected in her mother's form.

That was one of her very few experiences with terror and helplessness, made more poignant these days in the wake of her sister's diagnosis: the car accident. She would never forget the alarm she experienced when she received that call from their father in the dead of night. He rarely called her and seeing his name on the face of her phone so late at night had caused her to start. The alarm she experienced morphed into a full panic when he spoke those few words to her, informative yet concise:

' _Your sister was in a car accident.. She's been hospitalized.'_

It was almost nonsensical, given that she had spoken to Weiss just a week before after her surgery.

" _It's annoying having Whitley drive me everywhere. And despite my best efforts, I_ still _can't get him to listen to good music."_ She had laughed at that. _"The Doctor says there's a good chance I'll be able to operate heavy machinery once I heal. Think Father will let me trade in my car for a forklift to get to classes?"_

Why had she been driving? The answer to that question was one that eluded her. The circumstances didn't make sense. She was unable to take leave immediately, but was granted a brief one a few days after the accident. Weiss was still in hospital at that point, and she wasn't fully prepared to see her sister, her dear sister, laid up in a hospital bed, body marred by cuts and bruises. One of the most terrible of them was concealed by her gown, but the other was a _deep_ purple one that marred the left side of her face. A left orbital fracture, she remembered, that required surgery.

" _Why were you driving, Weiss?" Her question was delivered softly, delicately as she tenderly ran her fingers through her bangs, but she wanted, no,_ needed _to know._

" _Stupid reasons," was all she managed to get as her sister leaned into her touch, holding onto her wrist as though to convey that she wanted her to stay at her side. And so she left it at that._

She shook the terrible memory from her head. Time was getting away from her and she had a significant amount of work to catch up on that she was more than willing to bury herself in. Hours passed her by. The sun's position changed and the shadows grew in her office, causing her to resort to the unnatural lighting in the room as the sun waned in the sky. Her eyes had started to hurt from staring at seemingly endless paper and electronic documents. Funny, how she could read a book for hours upon hours and not experience such ocular fatigue. She was already on the verge of deciding to call it for the day, supposing she could take the remainder of her work home with her, when her phone buzzed off to the side. Smiling at the name the screen, she answered. "Making good on your promise, I see," she teased.

_"Less of a promise and more of a well intended agreement, but this is me calling you nonetheless,"_ Weiss playfully combatted over the line. She seemed in better spirits and with more energy at her disposal.

"How was your day?"

_"It was.. good. Fairly good, actually,"_ Weiss confessed. _"Ruby just left. We had a bit of an impromptu pizza and movie night that I didn't know I was in dire need of."_

"I recall us trying to have one after you came home from Beacon, though you only made it through the previews if I remember correctly," she teased again.

_"I remember at_ least _an eighth of the plot. Though if you want to try again, I've found it's better to start earlier rather than later."_

"That can be arranged," she laughed before hesitating ever so slightly. "How was your morning?"

_"It was.. also fairly good."_ Her sister paused. _"Meeting with Dr. Ozpin went well. He's.. weaning me off of one of my morning medications because he thinks it might be interfering with the one I take at night."_

"Interfering?"

_"Yeah. He thinks it might be attributing to my excess tiredness in the morning. Or keeping that particular side effect from abating as quickly as he thinks it should be."_

"I see," she said before humming in approval of Dr. Ozpin's diligence in his commitment to her sister as a patient.

_"Whitley and I.. also faired a bit better than I initially thought we would,"_ Weiss confessed. _"We talked on the drive back and I think it put us in a better place to move forward than we were before. We're having lunch together tomorrow, to talk more, I suppose."_

"I'm glad to hear that, Weiss," she said with a smile, her chest filling with a warmth at hearing that her siblings were paving a way towards amends.

_"Yeah.. I'm glad too,"_ her sister agreed. _"I'm sorry again, Winter, about this morning. I was more afraid than angry, and I shouldn't have lashed out at you."_

"It's alright, Weiss," she assuaged again. "You had reason to be upset with me, but I'm glad that your morning turned out the way it did."

_"Me too."_ She could hear the subtle smile in her sister's voice. _"When are you coming home?"_

"I'll be heading that way tonight," she informed her sister. "Though you will probably be asleep by the time I arrive."

"Well _before then, I'd argue. I never imagined I'd ever be going to sleep faithfully by nine o'clock every night. Which reminds me, I'm putting that relic of yours_ back _in your room. I nearly demolished it this morning, it was so aggravating."_ She laughed at that.

"It may be a relic, but it's reliable."

_"Yet a relic nonetheless. But I'm going to let you go. Drive safe? I've come to realize that I rather like having you here when I wake up in the morning."_

"I will, Weiss," she said, her resolve strengthening as she turned to gaze nostalgically at her diploma from the Naval Academy on the wall. "Goodnight, and I'll see you in the morning."

_"Goodnight Winter."_

The call ended and once again she relaxed back into her seat, her mood elevated and her mind clear, save for one thing. She had been giving it ample consideration, real consideration, over the past weeks. Now though, she felt as though she had her mind made. Between duty and family. Now she was sure of which one to choose. Rising from her chair, she made for the door. She could probably still catch General Ironwood before he left, and if there was anyone she wanted to seek counsel with about this decision, it was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, a while it has been. But I took this while to brainstorm the intricacies of the trajectory for the next portion of this story, all of which usually takes place in my head over the course of many a daydream and mental shuffling. The fever is back though, and I'm excited to sweat it out.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, please look forward to more, and any and all fireflies recieved are honored,
> 
> Ivel


	14. Follow Me

Unease, and restlessness. And a dream of sorts, but not quite. She could never remember the contents upon waking up, just that she may have had a dream of some sort. Dulled sounds, a melody perhaps, wove their way through to her in her unconsciousness. Lights popped behind her eyes. She tried to turn away from them and the sounds that were steadily accosting her as noise, but her body was weighted by heavy waters and buzzed subtly all along its length. "Weiss?" The first sound able to reach her in the deep was a voice, causing ripples that began stirring her mind to life. She again tried to move away from all mixture of sounds vying for her attention only to be met with that same weight as she buzzed more. Restless and uneasy. "Its morning, Weiss." A hand came to rest gently on her arm.

With great effort she heaved her eyes open and stared blearily at what she had to look forward to come morning. "..Winter?"

"Good morning," her sister greeted her with a gentle smile. "Your alarm had been going off," she said as she silenced the phone on the night table.

"..i'm sorry for that," she slurred before closing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after eight.. Weiss?" She was nearly asleep again the second time Winter called out to her. "Come on," her sister said, a tinge of amusement in her voice. She groaned and rolled away from what Winter was asking of her. She didn't think she could do it. "I can get breakfast started, but you need to be awake to eat it. Come on," Winter coerced with a placement of her hand a gentle pull to encourage her upright. She rose slowly, barely, and turned to face her sister, situating her legs cross beneath her before bringing her forehead to rest on Winter's shoulder.

"..i'm not hungry." And she wasn't. The only thing she felt at the moment was exhaustion, overbearing and debilitating. She could hardly keep her eyes open. Winter brought a hand up, running it through her bangs once before resting the back on her forehead as though checking for a fever. She leaned into the touch, one of Winter's comforting and almost maternal tells that let her know that she had her sister's patience and attention this morning.

"You didn't sleep well?" Winter asked knowingly.

"No.."

"You seemed restless when I came in to wake you."

"I had a nightmare, or a dream.. I think." she drawled, trying not to fall back to sleep where she sat. "I can't ever remember what they're about. Just.. discomforting I guess." Winter began to run her fingers through her bangs again. Soothing, but the gesture carried with it the chance of putting her back to sleep.

"Have you had more than this one?"

"Yeah," she admitted, leaning more onto Winter's shoulder and into her soothing touch. "They started a bit before I left Beacon."

"Have you told Dr. Ozpin?"

"No.." Winter hummed in response. They sat that way for a few minutes, her leaning into Winter's side while she played with her hair. "I'm barely awake right now," she groaned. "I don't think I can manage breakfast. I'll have lunch after my appointment." She wouldn't be able to manage breakfast, but there was one part of that routine that she needed to manage. "Could you bring me my medication?"

"I can," Winter offered. "Your appointment? Whitley called about that earlier." Her heart jumped ever so slightly, a bit of anxiety creeping through to begin its lining of her morning.

"Dr. Ozpin wants me to have some bloodwork done." She hesitated, slightly afraid that Whitley had rescinded his offer to take her and thinking along the lines of maybe she had done something yesterday to put him off. "What did Whitley call for?"

"He said he couldn't take you to your appointment. He forgot that he needed to meet with his advisor, but he said he'd still see you for lunch."

"Okay," she breathed, relaxing internally. "I imagine I should be doing that soon. The advisor.."

"Have you considered taking the semester off? It might give you the time you need to better acclimate to everything without having to worry about a full course load."

"No.. I'd probably have to forfeit my scholarship, and I don't want to hear Father's mouth about it."

"Pay Father no mind," Winter asserted instantly. "Though you might not have to forfeit your scholarship. We'd have to look into it, but extenuating medical circumstances might be able to secure it for you, at least for a semester."

"I don't know," she mustered, finding the strength in herself to leave Winter's shoulder, but not much for thought or speech. She rested her elbows on her knees, propping her head in her hands as she pressed her palms to her eyes. It was a futile attempt in heaving the exhaustion away. "I'm convinced I'll be tired all the time, forever." She initially meant it in jest, but as soon as the words left her mouth she didn't really feel there was a joke in that sentence.

"Lie back down," Winter said as she stood. "I'll bring your medicine and a glass of water."

"Thank you," she said allowing herself to succumb to gravity. She began to doze not long after her head hit the pillow, time a construct as she barely treaded those dark waters of slumber. An endless journey on an eternal ocean. An uneasiness nearly settled in her. She stretched her arm in an attempt to dismiss a vague restlessness that tingled beneath her skin. Winter's reappearance staved off the peculiar plight of unease that had been plaguing her for weeks, but her body still buzzed with unrest.

"Here.. Weiss?" She lifted the lids of her eyes, bringing her outstretched arm back in to prop herself halfway up.

"Thank you," she said taking the glass and her medication. Head tilt and swallow. "You'll sit this on the night stand? I don't trust myself not to miss. For blind reasons and for mind reasons."

"I can," Winter chuckled relieving her of the glass. "Are you alright this morning? You seem a little unwell."

"I am," she sighed falling back into the comfort of her bed, reaching over to her night table to drag her phone to her. A notification light pulsed in the corner. "Waking up just feels a little harder this morning," she confessed as she lazily slid the screen of her phone open.

"Take it easy then," Winter said. "If you want something lighter to eat, or coffee later on, just let me know. I'll come and wake you in an hour or so"

"I'll text you," she called to her sister as she left the room. Now alone, and more coherent than she thought she would be, she turned her attention to the good morning message Ruby had sent her.

_'Good morning my Best best friend! Hope you had good dreams :) '_

She smiled to herself as she thought fondly of yesterday when Ruby declared her the 'Best best friend in the universe'.

' _Good morning to you too, my best best friend,'_ she pecked out. _'What has you up so early?'_ Barely a minute passed before another message came to her phone.

' _Work! Yang and I are helping our Uncle put away the truck that came in today. It's just a short shift though. Would you maybe want to come over later and hang out? :3 '_

That would be new, going to see where Ruby lived, maybe even getting to meet the sister she spoke so fondly of.

' _That sounds fun. Count me in. I'm curious to see your room.'_

 _'My room's pretty cool! Not as cool as yours, but Yang says it's very me.'_ Intriguing.

_'I'll bet. I have a couple of things I need to do first, but I could have my brother drop me off after lunch.'_

_'He can drop you off at Qrow's and we can walk over together.'_ Together.

' _Sounds like a plan. I'll let you get back to your truck and will text you when I'm freeing up?'_

_'Sounds good! Talk to you later and have a great morning Weiss :) '_

_'You too, Ruby.'_ An idea popped into her head. ' _:) '_ There's a first time for everything, right?

Heaving herself up, more awake now than she thought she anticipated, she meandered into the bathroom and brushed her teeth before heading to the kitchen. Her brief texting with Ruby washed away any uneasiness her slumber had given her and made her feel light despite the exhaustion that was still so egregiously assaulting her. She found Winter sitting at the island, a book in hand and a coffee mug off to her left. "She lives," Winter said without looking up from her book.

"I do," she played back as she came to sit across from her sister, stealing the nearly untouched cup of coffee from her blind spot and taking a sip. "How are you, Winter?" Her talk with Whitley yesterday had broadened her, given a little insight into the almost unknown turmoil her siblings had endured along side her. Winter looked up from her book, a small expression of surprise on her face that reminded her of when they were younger for some reason. An endearing reason. It made her sister look more youthful than she already did. She smiled at Winter, sliding the coffee mug back into its place with half of its contents missing. And Winter smiled back.

"I'm good," Winter answered, placing her book face down and giving all of her attention to the conversation. "As usual, I was up just before the sun and took the opportunity to water all the plants around the house before I started my new book."

"What are you and Whitley reading this time around?"

" _The Ocean at the End of the Lane_ by Neil Gaiman," Winter imparted as she slid the coffee mug back toward her with a knowing smile on her face. "I may have made that with you in mind. But it's a short read, fantastic so far. It almost reads like a children's story that's not meant for children."

"That.. does sound interesting," she said genuinely intrigued, wrapping her hands around the coffee mug to warm them. "I might want to try reading it after you're done," she decided. "How has work been? I know you spent a lot of time off base while I was at Beacon."

"Work has been fine, save for all of the 'catch up' I've been playing, but.." Winter hesitated, but it was different this time around as she had a contented smile on her face. "I've been considering either retiring or moving into the Reserves once my reenlistment comes up."

"Retiring?" That took her aback more than anything she thought she would encounter from her sister's hesitation. Winter Schnee.. retiring? From the military? If anything had been set in stone long ago, it was that Winter would commit her twenty years to the Navy, and she was over halfway there.

" _Or_ moving into the Reserves," Winter said with an amused smile. "I've talked with General Ironwood about it at length, though I'm leaning towards the latter I think."

"Why though? Graduating from the US Naval Academy and enlisting was your dream."

"It was," her sister confessed, a nostalgic look in her eye. "It still is to a certain extent, but it's never been a career goal of sorts. There have always been things I wanted to do after.. Lately I've realized that I'd enjoy starting on those dreams sooner rather than later. And.. I've been thinking a lot about duty, and family, and the latter is where I'm most excited to dedicate my time," Winter concluded with a fond smile on her face.

"I," she didn't know what to say, surprise evident on her face. "Are you doing this because of me?" That's what she feared the most, that her sister was making this decision because of how she had been putting her out. Even in some small part as Winter did seem genuinely satisfied and.. happy with the decision she was making. Excited even as she had said herself.

"Yes and no," Winter answered truthfully. "You were a catalyst in my decision in a way. But so was Whitley. And so was I," she confessed. "With everything that has happened, I've realized where it is I most want to be. And I've grown to dislike missing my family as much as I have at times, as I have in the past."

"I," she wasn't sure how to feel. Everything Winter said sounded nice, honestly. She would love to have her sister here with her every morning she woke up, to be able to spend more time with her, and to know she was there when she went to sleep. It was just.. "I don't want you to resent me.. one day," she said quietly, lowering her eyes to the now cold coffee between her hands. "I won't lie.. it sounds nice. _That_ sounds nice, having you around more often," she smiled. "But I don't want you, even a small part of you, to make this decision because you have to.. for me. Because you feel have to take care of me, I guess." She looked up resolved in her confession to meet her sister's eyes, finding a gentle yet mildly concerned expression. "I know its been hard for you, for Whitley."

"Weiss," the look on Winter's face shifted to reflect her own resolve. "I could never resent you. Not for this; not for anything. And I know that you don't need me to take care of you, even with everything that's happened this past month despite it having gone into my considerations. It's just that I want to allow myself the opportunity to be here for you, and Whitley, and myself more. And I can't have that freedom that I want to do that in the Navy at present." Winter reached out and held the hands anxiously gripping the coffee mug. "I'm excited for the future in a way I haven't been in a long while, and you are apart of that happiness I'm wanting to build for myself. So I could never resent you. Okay?"

She loosed one of her hands in favor of holding onto Winter's wrist, looking down at their connection and savoring the bond. "Okay."

"Shall we start our day then?"

"Let's," she agreed, reluctantly separating from her sister before she stood, running a hand through her length of hair as she did. "Are you joining us for lunch after?"

"I am," Winter confirmed as she stood. " Your brother so _graciously_ extended an invite to me, but I'm sure it's because he wants to pester me about the book we're reading."

"He's only _my_ brother when he's annoying you," she laughed as she started to make her way back to her room.

"Amongst other times."

"I'm sure," she said with a roll of her eyes. Whitley pestering Winter was about to be a treat. She showered and dressed fairly quickly, taking the most time to decide which one her many band shirts she would wear given that she would be seeing Ruby after lunch. She settled on one relatively quickly, immediately wondering why she hadn't gone for this one first given Ruby hadn't seen her in it yet. Now that she thought on it, they hadn't listened to this band together either. She was almost sure Ruby listened to them. Reaching into her closet, she pulled out a blue shirt that nearly matched her eyes and had the name 'Andymori' pressed on it in white lettering. Ruby would like it.

Her appointment was about a twenty minute drive from her and Winter's flat. She didn't imagine she'd be there long given they were only going to be drawing some blood, and she was glad because her appetite was returning to her with a vengeance. She was quite looking forward to lunch, meal and conversation. "What are your dreams Winter?" Winter hummed beside her over the white noise from the road. Usually she would have usurped the sound system and played whatever was in her Spotify queue, but she opted for the comfortable silence between them that was almost music unto itself. "After the Navy, what are your dreams?" She was curious and Winter seemed genuinely starry eyed when she spoke earlier of her new future.

"Well," Winter started with a smile, lightly drumming her fingers on the steering wheel that was revealing of the childlike excitement she knew was bubbling up in her sister. It made her happy to see that, Winter's excitement. "I was thinking of going back to school to get my Master's in English, potentially even my doctorate, but that's for later down the line. I think I'd like to teach literature, or poetry at a collegiate level. Like mMother did."

"That sounds lovely," she smiled. "Father would always rant a bit, wondering why you never went with a more 'practical' major if you were attending the Naval Academy." Winter laughed at that.

"Father never was perceptive enough to realize that I enjoyed reading and writing more than I enjoyed the notion of being a career soldier or some politician."

"Will you write?" She wondered. It was a grand idea, Winter writing, perhaps even becoming a published author one day. She knew she had it in her. Her sister was well read and a charismatic wordsmith when she wanted the world to know she was such. She remembered fondly the times during her youth when she would read her and Whitley her own imaginative fables and fairytales that she had created just for them.

"I'm not sure," Winter shrugged with a smile.

"What do you mean you're not sure? Winter, I think you should write," she confessed a bit enamored, poking at her sister's shoulder. "I have fond memories of your writing."

"I still have all of those in a folder somewhere," Winter chuckled with shake of her head. "I've been writing though, nothing serious, just in passing over the years. Ideas, thoughts, narratives, but I've thought about it, buckling down and pursuing it genuinely."

"I think you should," she urged. Winter replied with a non committal shrug as they neared the hospital.

Her appointment was as brief as she thought it would be, but it felt longer than it was. _Four_ vials of blood, each container being deftly handled and filled. She would have called Winter out on silently laughing at her behind her book (or trying to at least), but she was apparently too preoccupied with sitting as still as she was able, eyes a little wide, and having a laser focus on her blood leaving and leaving and _leaving_ her arm. A snort from the corner. Oh, she was going to tell Winter about herself later.

In the car.

Far away from this _greedy_ doctor.

"Do you think all of that was necessary..?" Winter nearly guffawed. "Will you stop laughing already," she demanded, part exasperated and part amused by Winter's own unabashed joviality.

"I'm sorry," Winter apologized as she stifled another laugh. "You were so calm beforehand I nearly forgot you hated needles."

"Me too.. Is it needles?" She wondered.

"Needles. And vaccines. The anesthesia from that one time at the dentist. Sewing machines.."

"I am _not_ afraid of sewing machines," she fumed. "I just.. don't like.."

"The needle?" Winter was a bit of a witch when she wanted to be.

"Fair," she conceded. They spent the rest of the drive talking about nothing in particular: what classed she was potentially thinking about taking for the upcoming semester, what type of writing Winter might decide to pursue, poetry or fiction, and tentative plans for the future once Winter had more free time. She had always wanted to go and see the Angel Oak in South Carolina. She could have seen it by now, just flown there one weekend, saw the Angel Oak, and flown back, but there was something about this particular adventure that had her wanting to share it with someone else.

"How has Ruby been?" They were angling into a parking space along the street.

"Ruby? She's been fine," she imparted fondly as they exited the car. "A ball of concentrated energy and excellent music recommendations. She says we're best friends."

"Are you now?" Winter locked the car and headed the way down the street to the café they were meeting Whitley at.

"We are, I suppose," she smiled falling into step with her sister. "I guess she is pretty much my best friend."

"You guess?" Winter raised her hand to wave at Whitley sitting on the patio just down the way before turning to her sister with an arched eyebrow and another amused smile.

"Okay, we _are_. She's my best friend," she admitted almost giddily and a little embarrassed at her forward admission . "Cut me some slack, I've never said such things before. You know my track record."

"I know of its nonexistence," Winter chuckled. "But I'm happy for you Weiss. I think Ruby is a great friend to have. She's remarkably.. earnest."

"She is," she confessed as they walked up to the table Whitley sat at and took their own seats.

"About time," Whitley chimed in as they sat down.

"I'm sure you've been waiting all of five minutes," Winter stated.

"Seven, but who is counting. So, I finished the book last night Winter an—"

"Whitley, at least wait until we've ordered before bombarding me with your potential spoilers."

"Wounded I would be if there was more heart in your dismissal of me wanting to discuss it with you."

"You should be wounded," she inserted over Winter's blatant commitment to her silence, though Whitley was right. There was a playfulness in Winter's stifling him. "Apparently you're _my_ brother today."

"I give that about a day before she changes her tune. You forget the time you blew up my phone when you finished reading _The Stranger_ before me," Whitley teased with sharp eyes and a matching smirk.

"I did _not_ blow up your phone," Winter defended seemingly embarrassed given the smallest of blushed dusting her cheeks.

"A pestering Winter?" How funny she thought. "I guess she was _my_ sister that go around then."

"Very yes. She was so excited she neglected to notice it was _well_ after midnight when she called me. _Three times,"_ Whitley finished to cut off Winter's interjections. "Hm, menus," he announced as the hostess arrived, further cutting off Winter's defense of herself.

"Don't worry, Winter," she continued in Whitley's stead. "It's cute and passionate."

"You two are insufferable." She and Whitley both laughed at Winter's forfeiture. Winter was, despite her poise and her somewhat reticent and introverted nature, notorious for her dry, covert teasing and being the silent laughter off to the side. Not only that, but being the eldest sibling, she had much more to work with than she or Whitley did.

"We love you," Whitley stated, bringing an end to the pleasant round.

"We do," she agreed. "How was meeting with your advisor?"

"As soul crushing as ever," Whitley sighed. "I ultimately made the decision to hate myself more this semester than spring semester, 400 level business classes and all."

"Sounds like a rock and a hard place."

"More or less. I figured I'd get it out of the way and enjoy the software engineering side of my double major in the spring."

"With your engineering major, you're turning into a graduate Glyph would love to have," see said with a tinge of wariness she was sure he was feeling.

"A hard maybe, as a stepping stone, but despite Father's insistence of Glyph being a 'family business'," Whitley said, air quotes and all, "I'd really rather not."

"The feeling's mutual," she empathized.

"I'm still envious of you," Whitley said turning to Winter.

"Father took on a losing bet on me becoming some sort of politician or high ranking military official," Winter shrugged. "Plus, there's not much advantage Glyph could take of an English degree."

"Maybe for good PR." She dealt that sleight with great satisfaction.

"Oh, true. Too true," Whitley agreed. Their waitress arrived at that point, bringing their drinks and taking their orders before leaving them to each other again. The café was rather busy at this hour. "A politician I never saw," Whitley continued, "but a high ranking military official, I could see that."

"Not for me," Winter smiled. "I'm thinking of retiring."

"Retiring," Whitley balked as if he couldn't believe his ears.

"Or entering the Reserves," she inserted on Winter's behalf.

"You're serious? Why? If you don't mind me asking," Whitley wondered.

"I am. And being a career soldier was never part of the dream," Winter stated. "I've already invested twelve years, so going into the Reserves is more toward where I'm leaning in favor of finishing out a twenty year enlistment, but I've wanted more for myself than the military. I'm thinking of getting my Master's, perhaps teaching after."

"Or becoming an author," she inserted proudly and Winter smiled.

"That's.. wow, I'm happy for you, Winter. Who knew the corners of your mouth could turn up in such a way," he teased.

"Thank you, Whitley," Winter smiled still with a roll of her eyes.

"It kind of gives me.. hope? I guess," he confessed. "Inspiration rather. Full disclosure, I'm not completely thrilled to entertain overbearing-father-figure in the latter half of my twenties."

"Don't worry, Whitley," she began to offer. "We can suffer our quarter life crisis together."

" _Morbid,_ Weiss," Whitley feigned much to Winter's amusement.

"Maybe," she shrugged. " But I'd rather avoid the emo like qualities of suffering alone, together."

"Is that a dig?"

"No, its an excavation." A snort from behind a glass of water and both she and Whitley turned to Winter, though one was less amused than the other.

"Don't mind me," Winter said with a wave of her hand.

"I will mind—"

"Oh, perfect timing," Winter stated upon noticing the approaching waitress and much to Whitley's chagrin. The rest of lunch continued much in the same playful and light mood and she found that she was enjoying herself in the company of Winter and Whitley like she hadn't in what felt like ages. When was the last time they had been able to sit down and enjoy themselves and a mood like this, when her and Whitley weren't at odds so fiercely that Winter often had to play mediator to the extent it was just best not to try at all? It was nice, being able to do this again. She took a few seconds to burn this moment, these feeling into her quite consciously. To preserve it. She wanted to never return to that state of relations with Whitley, or Winter, ever again.

Lunch was over far too soon if she was honest with herself, but they bade each other farewell nonetheless. She took the opportunity to message Ruby and let her know that she was free as her and Winter walked back to the car, getting a reply back almost instantly.

_'Cool! I'm almost done myself. Feel free to come on by!'_

"Could you drop me by Qrow's?"

"The convenience store?"

"Yes. I'm meeting Ruby there. We're going to walk to her place after."

"Can do," Winter confirmed, altering her route slightly so that Qrow's would be on the way to their flat as opposed to after it.

"Thanks," she murmured. She thought she saw the slight shake in Winter's shoulders from laughter, but when she chanced a look she only saw an easy smile firmly planted on her face. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling as she turned back to the window to watch familiar landscapes pass her by. Qrow's was growing ever closer, and as it's proximity to them grew, she was filled with an anticipation, excited to see her friend again. Her _best_ friend. She wondered how excited Ruby would be seeing the shirt she was wearing, wondered about the animated tangent she'd go off on about how much she loved the band. She wondered what her room looked like? She imagined it had a predominately red color palette. So very fitting. She wondered if she'd get the opportunity to meet her sister, wonder what she was like and if she was as vibrant as Ruby. The car slowed at a gas pump in front of Qrow's, their point of arrival lost amongst all the thoughts and musings she was having inside her head. "Thanks again, Winter," she said again as she hopped out, turning her attention to Ruby and a vaguely familiar blonde as Winter tended to the fueling of her car.

"Weiss!" Ruby was beginning to best her own record with how quickly she descended on her every time they met. She was scooped up in a precarious hug that was becoming wonderfully familiar though this time she was less grounded and more elevated as Ruby lifted her slightly and did a half spin before releasing her. " _I_ missed you."

"You don't say," she laughed placing her hands o Ruby's shoulders to keep her still long enough for a proper greeting.

"I do say!" The moment didn't last long as Ruby launched another hug at her, grounding her this time. "Hey Winter!" She turned in time to see Winter waving back to Ruby in greeting as she replaced her gas cap and prepared to depart.

"I'll see you later on, Weiss," she chuckled, a peculiar look in her eye. She waved her sister off before turning back to Ruby.

"Like my shirt?" It took Ruby out two seconds to process what she was seeing, her expression growing with a mixture of awe and surprise each nanosecond.

"すごい！"

"いいね," she tried, eliciting more surprise from the girl still loosely attached to her.

"いいよ！Weiss, I didn't know you liked Andymori. They're one of my favorites. I have all of their albums on CD. We should listen them some when we get to my place!"

"私も大好きが," Ruby's sister inserted as she approached them before she could agree. "後で聴けるね."

"Ah, そうよ. ちょっとあつい," Ruby replied before trailing off and tugging at the neck of her black work shirt.

"Hey Weiss," Ruby's sister greeted her in an accent so very akin to Ruby's, clear from years of using the English language but still lined with the hints of their native tongue. "I'm Yang, Ruby's favorite oneeee-sama," she finished in an elongated and exaggerated way, leading her to believe that Yang was indeed jut as vibrant as Ruby was.

"You're my only older sister," Ruby said poking at Yang's ribs only to be easily dodged.

"Nice to finally meet you," she said with a friendly smile.

"Same, though I feel like I know you already," Yang said. I swear Ruby never stops talking about you."

"Not true!" She rose an amused eyebrow at her best friend. Best friend.. goodness how foreign, yet how incredibly nice those words were. "Okay so it's kind of true, but I think you're pretty great, so I talk about you a lot."

"I can't say I don't do the same," she admitted with a laugh, though if she was being honest with herself, she thought about her more than she talked about her.

"That's the thing, Yang!" Yang laughed. "So many words just to say you liiiike me."

"Cute," Yang inserted setting a blush ablaze on Ruby's face. "Hot Ruby? What are we standing around for then?" Yang's teasing was a little more blatant, but she reminded her of Winter in a pleasant way.

"Yang! You know what? 大した事は無い、ばか！ "

"行こうぜ！" Yang cheered pumping her fist into the air.

"Let's go, Weiss! Follow me! Ha." And before she knew what had transpired, Ruby had grabbed her by the hand and started leading her down the sidewalk away from Qrow's with Yang close behind. "ラ ラ ラ、 ラ ラ ラ、ラ ラ ラ ラー！"

"Follow me!" Yang chimed in before joining Ruby in the second chant.

"ラ ラ ラ、 ラ ラ ラ、ラ ラ ラ ラー！"

"Follow me!"

She was familiar with the chorus they were singing, but most of all she was familiar with the feeling of Ruby's hand in hers, how they felt like matching puzzle pieces, alive with kindred pulses that fluttered against each other excitedly in the palms of their hands. She gripped Ruby's hand tighter, wanting to feel that more, this connection. Ruby looked back a her with a peculiar smile, fond and elated , those beautiful eyes beaming at her in a way that filled her with a different sort of warmth. It was a warmth that made her want to sing. And so she did, joining them in their chorus.

"La la la, la la la, la la la la."

_Follow me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was getting, or was going to get rather long if I continued on with what remains of the rest of this day. I'm excited for the next chapter as Weiss get more acquainted with Yang and meets Blake, sees where Ruby lives and lays her head at night, and gets more than what she bargained for.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, please look forward to more, and all fireflies received are honored,
> 
> Ivel
> 
> P.S.
> 
> Here's that Birth in Reverse playlist: 
> 
> [Birth in Reverse](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLahQIyJNMRgwk--Ry61bIyVMpzz_i1I0s)

**Author's Note:**

> I had a thought. Hope you enjoy and please look forward to it, Ivel.


End file.
